From Proving to Presence – An International Women’s Day Call
- Mar 11
- 5 min read
Updated: Mar 13
Written by Ebi Sheila Diete-Spiff, Lifestyle Strategist
Ebi Sheila Diete-Spiff is a leading self-love and transition coach, speaker, and mentor. She is the founder of Ebi’s Powerhouse, where she equips women worldwide with the tools to break free from self-doubt, reclaim their worth, and step into their power with confidence.
Every International Women’s Day, we pause to celebrate women’s progress. We highlight achievements, visibility, resilience, and leadership. We applaud how far women have come, often against significant odds.
And yet, behind the public celebration, many women leaders are quietly asking a different question.
Why does it still feel like I am proving myself? Not because they lack confidence or capability, but because success for many women has been built on performance rather than presence.
This International Women’s Day, perhaps the invitation is not to do more but to lead differently.
The invisible cost of proving
Many women did not learn leadership through entitlement. They learned it through responsibility. From a young age, women are often praised for being reliable, capable, and emotionally attuned. Over time, this becomes an unspoken contract. You are valued when you hold things together.
So, women learn to perform competently.
They anticipate needs. They exceed expectations. They over prepare, over function, and over deliver. From the outside, this looks like excellence. From the inside, it often feels like vigilance.
Source. Research published by Harvard Business Review has repeatedly highlighted how high performers, particularly women, are rewarded for over functioning, often at the expense of long term well being and self trust. What is praised as dedication can quietly become a survival strategy.
Proving becomes the cost of belonging, while performance can build impressive careers, it quietly erodes something essential, self trust.
Why “not enough” persists even at the top
One of the great myths about leadership is that confidence grows in proportion to success. But many high achieving women will tell you the opposite is true.
The higher they rise, the more visible the performance becomes. The more responsibility they carry, the more pressure there is to justify their place. The more they succeed, the greater the fear of being exposed.
Source. Annual Women in the Workplace reports by McKinsey & Company consistently show that women in leadership roles shoulder disproportionate emotional and organisational labor even as they advance. Visibility increases responsibility, but not always psychological safety.
This is often labelled as imposter syndrome, but that framing misses something important. What many women experience is not a lack of confidence, but a fracture in self worth.
Source. Researcher and author Brené Brown has shown, when belonging and worth are made conditional, success never feels secure. It must be continually reinforced.
When worth has been historically conditional, earned through productivity, resilience, or sacrifice, success never feels secure. It must be continually reinforced. So the question is not, how do I become more confident? But rather, what would it feel like to lead without having to prove my value?
Performance vs presence
Performance and presence may look similar on the surface, but they feel very different in the body. Performance is driven by external validation. It asks, am I doing enough? Am I being seen correctly? Am I safe here?
Presence is grounded in internal permission. It says, I trust myself. I belong here without explanation. Performance relies on control. Presence relies on congruence.
Women who lead from performance are often highly capable but chronically tired. Their leadership is effective, yet internally draining. They are respected, but not always at ease.
Presence, by contrast, creates a different quality of leadership. Decisions are calmer. Boundaries are clearer. Voice is steadier, not louder, but more certain.
Presence does not require perfection. It requires self trust.
What international women’s day is really asking
International Women’s Day has historically focused on visibility and empowerment, and rightly so.
But visibility without embodiment can become another form of performance. If women are encouraged to step forward without being supported to inhabit their worth, leadership becomes another arena for over functioning.
Perhaps this moment in history is asking women leaders to shift from proving their capability to claiming their authority.
Not authority granted by titles or approval. But authority rooted in self trust. This is not about ambition versus rest. It is about alignment.
Moving from proving to presence
Moving from proving to presence does not happen overnight. It happens through small, honest shifts.
Presence looks like:
Making decisions without over explaining them
Setting boundaries without guilt
Allowing rest without needing to earn it
Speaking truth without managing perception
It also means recognizing where success has been sustained by self betrayal and choosing differently.
For many women, this is uncomfortable work. Performance once kept them safe. Letting go of it can feel risky.
But the truth is leadership that requires self erasure is not sustainable.
Reclaiming self trust as a leadership skill
Self trust is rarely taught as a leadership competency, yet it underpins every meaningful decision.
When women trust themselves:
They stop outsourcing authority
They navigate conflict with clarity
They choose alignment over approval
They lead with less force and more impact
Self trust does not remove challenge. It removes unnecessary strain.
It allows leadership to be lived, not managed.
A quiet invitation this international women’s day
This International Women’s Day, the invitation is not to strive harder or become more visible.
It is to ask deeper questions:
Where am I still performing for belonging?
What would leadership feel like if I trusted myself first?
What am I ready to stop proving?
These are not questions to answer quickly. They are questions that invite a return to self.
Because women do not rise by becoming more palatable, more productive, or more perfect.
They rise by reclaiming what was never lost.
A gentle closing
If this reflection resonates, you may find yourself at the edge of a quiet shift from performance to presence, from endurance to embodied leadership.
My work explores this transition through writing, speaking, and facilitated spaces for women leaders.
You are welcome to continue the conversation by subscribing to my newsletter, where I share weekly insights and practices that support leadership grounded in self trust rather than pressure.
Read more from Ebi Sheila Diete-Spiff
Ebi Sheila Diete-Spiff, Lifestyle Strategist
Ebi Sheila Diete-Spiff is a self-love and mental fitness strategist who empowers women to reclaim their worth and embrace their potential with confidence. Born in Hertfordshire, England, she transformed personal struggles with toxic relationships, divorce, chronic illness, and single motherhood into a journey of resilience and growth. A pivotal awakening in 2014 inspired her to embrace self-love, fueling her mission to guide women worldwide past self-doubt. Through her signature blueprint, The WORTHY Woman Framework, Ebi offers tools for healing and empowerment. Today, she stands as a beacon of hope, inspiring women to live boldly and authentically.
