From People-Pleaser To Powerful Leader
- Brainz Magazine
- Dec 7, 2023
- 4 min read
Written by: Asha Ghosh, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As a leader, do you prioritise the needs of your team above your own? Maybe seek validation from others at the cost of your own ideas and opinions?
If so, your reality is you’re experiencing self-created limitation, losing your freedom because of an inner desire to please others whilst also knocking your confidence as your needs are not met. You are not alone though. Being liked and accepted by those around us is deeply ingrained into our culture. However, as a leadership and team coach, I witness the downsides of prioritising others' needs where self-esteem is diminished; when we are pleasing others we are trapped in a fallacy that appeasing everyone else results in approval and happiness. So are you ready to reclaim your time, sanity, and self-esteem? Here are seven steps to help liberate yourself from people-pleasing. Undecided if you’re a true people pleaser, check out a recent blog, where I share 7 signs of leadership people pleasing behaviours.
1. People-pleaser tendencies
Begin with developing a keen sense of self-awareness – recognise the actions and situations where you’re exhibiting people-pleasing behaviour. Perhaps it's consistently putting the needs of others before your own, staying late at work to help others and not finishing your own to-do list, or attending events out of obligation. Once identified, dig deeper. What's the motive? Why do you feel obliged to act in this way? Often, these behaviours are a strategy to prevent us being hurt – from the fear of rejection, the fear of failure or even fear of success. Becoming aware of these triggers is the first step in moving through this challenging cycle of behaviour.
2. Boundaries to define limits
Understand your boundaries or simply put – determine what is acceptable and what isn’t for your at work. If you were to respect your time, your needs and your feelings more, yes prioritise them what would your boundaries be? The next bit is tougher, clear and effective communication about your limits with those aroundyou is a strong step in moving out to the cycle of people pleasing behaviour. Whilst it’s tough to do, imagine what you are capable of if you were to claim more of your time back!
3. Prioritise internal validation
Looking externally for validation puts your happiness and self-worth at the mercy of others' approval. Instead, validate yourself…yes celebrate your successes even the little ones, embrace your flaws, and own your decisions both good and back. The aim is to becoming less reliant on others for approval, you liberate yourself from the pressure of pleasing everyone else.
4. No isn’t a bad word
No is a boundary. No is confidence. No is leadership. No is your right. So if you were to give yourself permission to decline without having to offer an excuse, firstly how liberating and secondly how would you now use that time more strategically? Initially, it might be difficult but
with practice, it becomes empowering.
5. Prioritise self-care
Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being is crucial. Only by maintaining your own wellness can you adequately support others. Identify your needs and priorities, and build them into your schedule. Time alone or pursuing a hobby isn't an indulgence, science has proved people who take time out are more likely to be happier, have better mental well-being and greater success — it’s a necessity. In a recent blog I share how rest isn’t a rewardsit is a leadership necessity or even watching reality TV can help your leadership, do check it out.
6. Find your supporters
Having a network of people who understand your desire to shift from people-pleasing can provide an environment of encouragement and affirmation. Their perspective can also be invaluable in recognising and overcoming people-pleasing habits - find your tribe and ask them to help you break the cycle that traps into pleasing others.
7. Embrace imperfection
Perfect is not a benchmark to aim for. Making mistakesand failing is a part of life. Instead of berating yourself, understand it's a process of learning. A single mistake or moment of weakness does not define you.
Being able to release yourself from the cycle of people-pleasing is not a quick process—it’s a journey. Remember, this transformation won't be easy or immediate. It will require determination and self-love. With each step, you become more aligned with your true self, embracing authenticity over appeasement. Start your journey towards a healthier, happier life where your needs aren't lost in the rush to meet others – it’s time to prioritise you.
Asha Ghosh, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
My coaching programmes have already enabled senior professional women globally to unlock new levels of potential in themselves and their teams. Resulting in these professionals being able to lead, inspire and make bold decisions that not only support business objectives, but also allow leaders to find satisfaction within their home life, all underpinned by promoting a proactive approach to personal well-being.
