External Confidence vs. Inner Confidence – Which is Best?
- Mar 23, 2025
- 6 min read
Gem Dentith is a Personal Transformation Consultant and the founder of Gem Dentith Global, a personal, professional, and spiritual development company. Creator of the Aligned Success Method™, Gem helps high achievers strip past conditioning and align with their true purpose for authentic, lasting success.
Confidence, we all want it. We admire it in others, aspire to have more of it, and assume that with enough confidence, we’ll be seen as trustworthy, capable, and successful. But what happens when the confidence we display is just a façade?
Many clients come to me saying, “I want more confidence. I don’t feel confident anymore. I’ve lost my mojo. I used to be confident when I was younger, but suddenly, I’m not. What’s happened? I want it back.” This loss of confidence is incredibly common and often tied to how we’ve built it in the first place.
For many, confidence has been rooted in external factors, such as achievements, appearances, or validation from others. These sources can provide a temporary boost, but when life inevitably changes, they no longer feel as secure. This leaves people unsteady, searching for the confidence they once had and wondering how to regain it.
The Meaning of Confidence
To understand which type of confidence is best, we need to examine what confidence truly means. The word confidence comes from the Latin confidentia, meaning “firmly trusting.” At its core, confidence isn’t about bravado, charisma, or external displays. It’s about trust—trust in yourself, trust in life, and trust in something greater.
True, lasting confidence begins with spiritual confidence, a profound trust in the flow of life and your connection to a greater system. From this foundation, inner confidence emerges, grounded in self-awareness and authenticity. With these layers in place, external confidence naturally arises, reflecting the inner trust you’ve built.
Let’s explore these three layers of confidence, why spiritual confidence is the essential starting point, and how I guide clients to cultivate it, even those who say, “I’m not spiritual.”
The three layers of confidence
Confidence is like a well-built structure. Its strength depends on a solid foundation, with each layer reinforcing the next. The three layers—spiritual confidence, inner confidence, and external confidence—each play a unique role in building lasting self-assurance.
1. Spiritual confidence: The bedrock
Spiritual confidence is the deepest form of trust, rooted in faith in life’s unfolding and a connection to something greater than yourself. This isn’t about adhering to a specific religion or belief system, it’s about recognising the natural order and flow of life.
When you have spiritual confidence, you trust the flow of life, knowing that every challenge carries meaning and every step serves a purpose. This trust liberates you from the need to control or manipulate outcomes, allowing you to embrace life with ease.
2. Inner confidence: Trusting yourself
From spiritual confidence grows inner confidence, which is about trusting yourself—your values, abilities, and authenticity. Inner confidence is the quiet assurance that you are enough, just as you are. It’s resilient and enduring because it doesn’t rely on external achievements or the approval of others. Instead, it arises from deep self-awareness and self-acceptance, giving you the ability to face challenges with grace and clarity.
3. External confidence: A natural reflection
Finally, there is external confidence, the outward expression of your inner and spiritual strength. When built on the firm foundation of spiritual and inner confidence, external confidence feels natural and authentic. You’re no longer performing or pretending, instead, you radiate confidence effortlessly because it’s rooted in truth.
Why “fake it till you make it” fails you
The popular phrase “fake it till you make it” may seem like a quick path to confidence, but it often creates more problems than it solves. When your confidence relies solely on external appearances, it can lead to a disconnect between how you present yourself and how you feel inside. This gap often results in imposter syndrome, leaving you anxious and fearful of being exposed.
Fake confidence is also exhausting. Maintaining a façade demands constant effort, chasing success, approval, or validation to keep the illusion alive. Without the support of spiritual and inner confidence, external confidence becomes fragile and fleeting, easily shaken by criticism or failure.
True confidence doesn’t need to be faked. It’s built from within, layer by layer, creating a solid and sustainable foundation.
Addressing skepticism about spiritual confidence
When I talk about spiritual confidence, many people push back. They say, “I’m not spiritual.” or “Why would I believe in something bigger than me?” or “How can I trust something I can’t see or believe in?”
These are valid questions. Spiritual confidence isn’t about forcing belief or subscribing to a particular ideology. It’s about helping people discover the greater system they’re already a part of, the forces at work in their lives, whether they acknowledge them or not.
How life works despite you
Spiritual confidence grows when you start noticing the intricate system you’re already a part of, how life unfolds with or without your control. As a coach, I guide clients to explore this universal flow through practical experiments and observations. Here’s how I help them see it for themselves:
The circle of life: Seasons change, day turns to night, and everything in nature has a rhythm. These cycles happen without our intervention, reminding us that life is inherently ordered and trustworthy.
The flow of breath: In yoga, it’s called prana. In qigong, it’s qi. Breath sustains us without effort. By focusing on the breath, clients experience this life-giving force beyond their control.
Universal intelligence: Our bodies operate with incredible intelligence—healing wounds, digesting food, and maintaining balance without conscious direction. Recognising this intelligence fosters trust in life’s greater systems.
From spiritual confidence to inner and external confidence
Once clients grasp spiritual confidence, they naturally begin to develop inner confidence. By trusting the flow of life, they stop striving to control every detail and start aligning with their true selves.
Inner confidence grows as they explore their values, strengths, and unique qualities. With the weight of control lifted, they find space to accept themselves fully, flaws and all. This creates a steady, enduring confidence that doesn’t waver when external circumstances change.
External confidence then becomes effortless. It’s no longer about proving anything or seeking approval, it’s a natural reflection of the inner trust they’ve built.
Three ways to build confidence
The best way to cultivate lasting confidence is to build from the inside out, starting with spiritual confidence and letting it flow into inner and external confidence.
Cultivate spiritual confidence: Spend time in stillness or meditation to connect with your intuition and inner wisdom. Trust in the flow of life and embrace the belief that every experience has meaning and purpose.
Strengthen inner confidence: Reflect on your values and strengths to develop self-awareness. Embrace your imperfections, let go of perfectionism, and practice resilience by viewing challenges as growth opportunities.
Allow external confidence to emerge: Once spiritual and inner confidence is in place, external confidence will follow naturally. Let your actions and presence reflect the inner trust you’ve built. Show up authentically, and let your confidence speak for itself.
Which confidence is best?
So, which type of confidence is best? The answer lies not in choosing one over the other, but in understanding their connection. External confidence may be the most visible, but it’s spiritual and inner confidence that provide the foundation for lasting fulfilment. Without these deeper layers, external confidence is fragile, like a house built on sand.
Spiritual confidence is the best starting point. It gives you the trust and grounding to develop inner confidence, which, in turn, allows external confidence to emerge naturally. By building confidence from the inside out, you create a foundation that’s resilient, sustainable, and deeply fulfilling.
Ask yourself: Is your confidence built on fleeting factors, or is it rooted in who you truly are?
The takeaway: Trust is key
Spiritual confidence isn’t about adopting a particular belief system. It’s about recognising and trusting the systems already at work in your life, the flow of energy, the cycles of nature, and the intelligence that sustains you. From this trust, inner confidence emerges, and from there, external confidence becomes a natural reflection.
When you build confidence from the inside out, starting with spiritual trust, you create a foundation that’s not only sustainable, but deeply fulfilling.
Ask yourself: Can I trust the flow of life and let it guide me? The answer lies in seeing what’s already happening around you and within you.
Ready to rebuild your confidence?
If you’re ready to stop chasing fleeting external confidence and start building lasting trust from within, let’s work together. Whether you’re feeling stuck, searching for clarity, or unsure how to reconnect with your true self, I can guide you through the process of cultivating spiritual confidence, rediscovering your inner strength, and letting your authentic confidence shine.
Take the first step today.
Schedule a call to explore how my coaching can help you create a confidence that’s sustainable, fulfilling, and uniquely yours.
Read more from Gem Dentith
Gem Dentith, Personal Transformation Consultant & Coach
Gem Dentith is an entrepreneur, speaker, coach, and founder of Gem Dentith Global, dedicated to helping individuals achieve radical self-alignment and authentic success. Drawing on her journey from healthcare to strategic business leadership and personal transformation, Gem developed the Aligned Success Method™, a framework empowering high achievers to lead lives of purpose and resilience. Her forthcoming book, Undressed, offers tools for moving beyond external validation to live with true alignment. Gem’s work inspires leaders, entrepreneurs, and seekers to redefine success and embrace their fullest potential.
