Do I Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? 6 Ways to Know Besides Seeing a Doctor

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition that affects emotional regulation. The three main cornerstones of BPD are fear of abandonment that leads to troubles in relationships, mood swings that lead to conflicts, and confusion about identity and self-image.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, up to 3% of adults live with BPD, though the number may be higher due to underdiagnosis [1]. Women are also more likely to be diagnosed due to patriarchal stigmatization of emotions.

Because many of its symptoms overlap with anxiety, depression, or ADHD, people might spend years questioning, "Do I have borderline personality disorder?" Since some may be afraid of stigma, visiting a mental health professional isn't their first choice. That's why we offer five additional ways to know if you have BPD, including our self-check symptoms list.

How to know if you have BPD: 6 extra ways

It's okay not to immediately run to a psychiatrist or your GP as soon as you start to suspect you might have BPD, especially if you have experienced stigma. According to Rethink's poll, 48% with severe mental health disorders experienced stigma from mental health professionals [2]. You might need time to educate yourself and, unfortunately, gather some proof.

Moreover, discovering if you have Borderline Personality Disorder is a long process of awareness, reflection, and professional insight. Like it or not, consulting with a professional is a part of the journey. Beforehand, try these ways to answer whether you have BPD or not.

1. Complete online test

There is no shame in learning more about yourself and completing various mental health evaluations. Everybody does it, but don't talk about it. Online quizzes are actually perfect opportunities for those who are afraid of stigma, have limited financial abilities, live in rural areas, etc.

In order for an online evaluation to make a difference, you should choose it carefully. Here is the criteria a Borderline Personality Disorder test should meet:

• It should be free.

• It should be based on DSM-5 diagnostic criteria and other evidence-based research and frameworks.

• The test shouldn't feel triggering to you.

• The test shouldn't feel judgmental of your experiences.

• It shouldn't offer 100% accuracy or replacement of a psychiatrist's evaluation.

• It should be anonymous.

• It shouldn't force you to do anything, but should recommend the next steps.

After completing the test, note which statements resonate most with your daily life. Do certain emotions or reactions feel familiar? Sharing these reflections with a therapist or counselor can help them better understand your symptoms and guide you toward an accurate diagnosis and treatment options.

2. Talk to your close ones about the symptoms

Since people with BPD usually have difficulties with their self-image and understanding who they are, they also might have a hard time detecting BPD symptoms in themselves. Thinking that you might be faking it or that it's not that bad are common ideations of individuals with BPD. That's why an outside objective perspective is needed.

Here's what you can ask your family members, significant other, or friends to know if you have BPD:

• Do you notice that my emotions are extreme?

• How do you think I can manage my emotions?

• Does anything about my mood surprise/concern you?

• How do you think I handle criticism?

• Do you consider me an angry person?

• Is there a concrete image of me in your imagination?

• Do you consider me an impulsive person? If yes, why?

• Do you think I'm overreacting in some situations?

There are also some rules if you're going to discuss your emotional well-being with your close one:

• Be open-minded. For people who know they might have BPD, it can be painful to hear certain things about themselves, especially if they are true. It happens due to fear of abandonment. Just know that your loved ones wish only the best for you.

• Talk to the person you trust. Discussions of your perceived flaws might be hard. It's important that you have this conversation exclusively with a person you trust and a person you believe would never harm you.

• Don't get defensive. Remember that it's done for you, even though it may feel rather painful. It's like getting a vaccine shot: bearing a short-term pain for long-term results.

• Don't assume 100% accuracy. Your close ones cannot see inside of you: they may not see your chronic emptiness, self-harming thoughts, loneliness, etc. But they also might not pay attention to things you find crucial. It doesn't mean that they don't love you or completely don't know you.

3. Educate yourself on the topic

Reading about BPD is often an answer to the question "Do I have BPD?" because it helps recognize that what you're going through has a psychological basis. Here are some sources you can consider, divided by the level of your knowledge of BPD:

• Beginner level:

  • BPD diagnosing criteria of DSM-5, preferably with comments. But it's a must-read for anyone who wants to understand the topic.

  • Breeze Wellbeing blog. Accessible and inclusive information about BPD and practical tips on how to manage it in daily life.

  • Girl, Interrupted. Oscar-winning movie with Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie as main characters.

• Medium level:

  • Australian BPD Foundation has great sources for people with BPD, GPs, friends, and family of a person with BPD. Offers advocacy and emergency help.

  • Emotions Matter, BPD advocacy. Provide advocacy, education, workshops, resources, etc.

  • I Hate You Don’t Leave Me by H. Straus and J. Kreisman, a book that spread a lot of awareness about BPD.

• Advanced level:

  • American Psychological Association's research and blog entries.

  • The National Institute of Mental Health is a platform you can use as a starting point for advanced research.

  • Psychotherapy for Borderline Personality: Focusing on Object Relations by J. Clarkin, F. Yeomans, and O. Kernberg.

4. Talk to others who were diagnosed with BPD

Connecting with people who have firsthand experience is validating because you can see that the same people as you happily live through their experience. Online communities such as Reddit's r/BPD, NAMI support groups, or local mental health meetups allow you to exchange experiences in a non-judgmental space.

Hearing others describe their emotional highs and lows or struggles with identity can help you identify similarities, but also notice how diverse BPD presentations can be. Everyone's journey looks different, and there's no single story that defines what living with BPD feels like.

While peer support can be validating, it's crucial to maintain perspective. Online spaces can contain both helpful and triggering content, so engage thoughtfully and protect your boundaries.

5. Use our checklist for the most common symptoms in the next section

Once you've reflected, researched, and perhaps spoken to a professional, the next step is to evaluate how your experiences align with the most common BPD traits. Our upcoming checklist can help you organize your thoughts and recognize patterns in your emotions and relationships.

Use this list not as a diagnostic tool, but as an observation. Each point in the checklist represents a potential symptom or behavior commonly seen in people with BPD.

As you read through it, consider journaling about which items resonate with you most and how they show up in your daily life. This process can prepare you for more meaningful discussions with a therapist or loved one.

6. Consult a professional

Even though online resources and self-assessments are valuable, the only way to know if you have Borderline Personality Disorder is through a professional evaluation. A licensed psychologist or psychiatrist can conduct structured interviews and psychological tests to assess your symptoms in depth. In order to prevent negative experiences, here's how you can choose a specialist:

• Seek a personal recommendation. The best way to know if a specialist is non-judgmental and supportive is through personal recommendation from a person who used their services. If you don't have friends and family, you can ask your therapist or people in local Facebook groups, Reddit threads.'

• Visit the same psychiatrist a couple of times. BPD cannot be diagnosed in one session because it's a very complex and individual mental health disorder. So, experienced specialists will never diagnose you in one sitting.

• Choose a doctor who specializes in BPD. They may be harder to find, and their services may be a bit more expensive, but at least true specialists can answer once and for all if you have BPD.

Do I have borderline personality disorder: Checklist for the most common symptoms

Emotional signs

• My feelings are always very intense. For example, criticism feels like I'm incapable of anything; one incorrect decision makes me feel like I can't get anything right in my life, etc.

• Intense feelings change each other rather quickly every few hours.

• I often feel numb, as if nothing in life can make me happy.

• If I compare myself to the others, they seem like living is easy, but it seems very hard for me.

• I am almost chronically lonely and feel like nobody will ever be able to understand me.

Relationship challenges

• I'm scared that people will leave me.

• I'm trying to please others and prioritize their needs so that I don't disappoint anyone.

• I push people away before they can leave me.

• I overthink almost every interaction with other people.

• If a person upsets me, I immediately devalue them as if anything they've done for me matters.

• Conflicts with partners, friends, or family often feel overwhelmingly intense or catastrophic.

Self-image and identity issues

• I don't know who I am or what I want in life.

• My self-worth depends heavily on whether others will compliment or critique me.

• I frequently feel either powerful or worthless, and these two states alternate.

• I feel guilty and ashamed, even when I didn’t do anything wrong.

• Depending on the person I'm with, my values and opinions can change.

Coping and mental health symptoms

• I try to distract myself from problems instead of solving them.

• Sometimes it feels like I’m watching myself from the outside.

• I sometimes act impulsively and dangerously, such as speeding, unprotected sex, or adrenaline search.

• I harm myself.

• I had (acted on) suicidal ideations.

If you check off 2-3 signs in each category, it indicates a higher risk of BPD. However, this checklist doesn't replace an official diagnosis. You can take the points that feel the most true to yourself and discuss them with a psychiatrist in a diagnosis session.

Last but not least

Wondering “Do I have BPD?” feels unsettling, but asking that question is actually a sign of self-awareness. It means you’re paying attention to your emotions instead of ignoring them.

Whether you decide to take a Borderline Personality Disorder test, talk to loved ones, or begin therapy, remember that seeking clarity is the first step toward healing.

---

Sources:

[1] Borderline Personality Disorder. Jennifer Chapman, Radia T. Jamil, Carl Fleisher, Tyler J. Torrico. April 2024.

[2] The stigma of mental illness in numbers. Rethink Mental Illness. 2025.