Confidence Begins With Belonging and How One Caring Adult Can Change a Child’s Life
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Written by Mona Liza Santos, Award-Winning Children's Author & Emotional Literacy Advocate Mona Liza Santos is an award-winning children’s author and founder of World Love Press. She has written more than 40 books focused on emotional literacy, kindness, confidence, and cultural identity, inspiring families, educators, and young readers worldwide through heartfelt storytelling and meaningful life lessons.
Have you ever thought about the one adult from your childhood who made you feel like you mattered? Maybe it was a parent, teacher, grandparent, coach, counselor, or simply someone who believed in you before you fully believed in yourself.
Sometimes, one caring adult can make such a difference in the way a child begins to see themselves, especially during the years when confidence is still being built.
As a mother and children’s author, I think about this often. We tell children to believe in themselves, speak up, follow their dreams, and be confident, but confidence does not simply appear because we tell them to have it. For many children, confidence begins with something much more basic. It begins with feeling accepted, understood, and safe enough to be themselves.
If you would like to get to know me a little more beyond the books, you can also read my previous Monaco Muse interview, where I share more about my journey, the experiences that shaped me, and why this work means so much to me.
Confidence does not always look the way we expect
When people think about a confident child, they may picture someone who raises their hand first, makes friends easily, performs onstage, or walks into a room without hesitation. But confidence is not always loud or obvious.
Sometimes confidence is the quiet child finally sharing an idea they have been holding back. It can be trying something new even though they are nervous, asking for help when something feels difficult, standing up for themselves, or making a mistake and still having enough belief to try again.
That is why I believe confidence begins with belonging. Before children can truly believe in themselves, they often need to know there is at least one place and one person where they are accepted for who they are. When children feel that kind of acceptance, they have more room to discover their strengths instead of constantly wondering whether they are good enough.
This idea of belonging has become a big part of the work I do, especially through Heritage and Heart Day, which encourages children and families to learn about their roots, celebrate who they are, and appreciate the stories and cultures of others. For me, confidence and belonging are closely connected. It is much easier for a child to believe in themselves when they do not feel as though they have to hide parts of who they are just to fit in.
How one caring adult can build a child’s confidence
Most of us probably do not remember every compliment we received growing up, but many of us remember the person who consistently made us feel important. It may have been a teacher who noticed something we were good at before we noticed it ourselves, a grandparent who always made us feel loved, a coach who encouraged us after a difficult game, or a parent who listened when we needed someone.
Children often remember those moments because they remember how people made them feel. Simple words such as “I believe in you,” “Keep trying,” “I love hearing your ideas,” or “I am proud of how hard you worked” may sound ordinary to an adult. To a child who is questioning themselves, those words can mean much more. They can become proof that someone sees something valuable in them, and over time, children may begin to see that same value in themselves.
Sometimes children borrow our belief first
I believe there are times when children need to borrow confidence from the adults around them before they are able to build their own. A child may not believe they can do something yet, and that is when the encouragement of one trusted person can matter so much.
We can remind children that mistakes are part of learning, that not succeeding the first time does not mean they should stop, and that effort matters even when the outcome is not what they hoped for. Children are constantly developing an inner voice from the messages they hear around them, often without adults realizing how much those messages stay with them.
If a child repeatedly hears that they are difficult, too sensitive, too quiet, too loud, or not good enough, those words can slowly become part of the way they see themselves. The opposite can happen too. When children regularly hear encouragement, patience, reassurance, and genuine belief, those messages can become part of their inner voice as well. Over time, “Someone believes in me” can slowly become “I believe in myself.”
That message is also at the heart of one of my books, I Love Me Because I Am Who I Am. I wanted children to understand that confidence does not have to come from becoming someone different. Sometimes it begins with learning to appreciate the person you already are.
Feeling seen is not the same as constant praise
Making a child feel seen does not mean telling them they are wonderful at everything they do. Children can often tell when praise is not genuine, and sometimes the most meaningful encouragement is simply noticing them.
It can be saying, “I saw how kind you were to that child,” or “I noticed you kept trying even when you were frustrated.” It can be recognizing that they looked nervous but still gave something a try, or noticing that they seem quieter than usual and asking if they are okay. Those small moments tell a child something very important: someone is paying attention.
Children need to know that they matter beyond grades, awards, trophies, or accomplishments. They also need to know that they still matter on the days when things do not go well. That kind of acceptance can become one of the strongest foundations for healthy confidence.
How emotional literacy helps children build confidence
Emotional literacy is at the center of much of my work because I believe children become more confident when they begin understanding what is happening inside them.
Young children experience many emotions before they have the words to explain them. A child may know that something feels uncomfortable, but they may not understand whether they are embarrassed, disappointed, nervous, jealous, frustrated, or afraid.
Helping children recognize and name those feelings gives them a better understanding of themselves. Instead of thinking, “Something is wrong with me,” a child can begin to understand, “I feel nervous because this is new,” or “I feel disappointed because something did not go the way I hoped.”
That understanding can also help children become more aware of other people’s feelings. A child who understands what sadness feels like may become more sensitive when a friend is hurting. A child who knows what it feels like to be left out may notice the classmate sitting alone. Emotional literacy does not only help children understand themselves. It can also help them develop empathy, kindness, and stronger relationships with others.
Readers who would like to explore this part of my work more deeply can also read my earlier Brainz Magazine interview on children’s emotional wellbeing through storytelling.
The quiet child deserves to be noticed too
Some children naturally receive more attention because they speak the loudest or volunteer first. They may appear more confident simply because they are comfortable expressing themselves. But there are also children quietly observing everything around them who may have wonderful ideas they are afraid to share.
They may be thoughtful, creative, funny, compassionate, or deeply curious, but they are still figuring out whether it feels safe to show those parts of themselves. Instead of asking a quiet child why they are so quiet, we can ask what they think. Instead of forcing them into situations that overwhelm them, we can give them opportunities to participate in ways that feel manageable.
Sometimes the best thing we can do is become curious about what interests them, what makes them excited, and what helps them feel comfortable enough to open up. Confidence does not mean turning a quiet child into a loud one. To me, real confidence means helping a child become comfortable being who they already are.
Representation can quietly tell children they belong
Children also learn whether they belong by looking at the world around them. They notice who appears in books, movies, classrooms, advertisements, leadership roles, and the stories society chooses to celebrate.
When children see people who look like them, families that resemble theirs, traditions they recognize, or experiences that feel familiar, it sends a quiet message that there is room for them too.
This is one of the reasons cultural representation became so important in my own writing. When I wrote The Filipino in Me, I wanted Filipino children to recognize parts of themselves and feel proud of what they saw. At the same time, the message was never meant only for Filipino children. I want every child to understand that their family, culture, identity, experiences, and story have value.
Children should never feel that they have to hide parts of themselves just to fit in. Belonging should not require becoming someone else.
I explored this idea more deeply in my previous Brainz article, Beyond the Library and Why Stories Belong Wherever Families Gather, because understanding where we come from can play an important role in helping children develop identity, pride, and a stronger sense of belonging.
Adults do not have to be perfect to make a difference
One of the things I find comforting about this is that adults do not need to have perfect words or all the answers to positively influence a child. Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to say exactly the right thing that we forget how much ordinary moments matter.
Ask about their day and actually listen. Remember the name of their friend. Ask about the picture they drew. Show up when something matters to them. Celebrate effort, apologize when you are wrong, give them another chance after a difficult day, and remind them that they can come to you when something is bothering them.
Children may not always tell us what those moments mean, but they notice. In many cases, consistency matters much more than perfection.
Kindness can become part of a child’s inner voice
With National Intentional Kindness Day coming up on August 24, I have also been thinking about how closely kindness and confidence are connected.
Intentional kindness is not only about doing something nice for another person. Sometimes it is the way we speak to a child who has made a mistake, the patience we show when they are struggling, or the few extra minutes we take to listen when they are trying to tell us something.
Those moments may feel small, but children notice how adults respond to them. When kindness, patience, and understanding become part of the environment a child grows up in, those experiences can influence the way they eventually learn to speak to themselves.
That is one of the reasons I created National Intentional Kindness Day. My hope has always been to encourage people to become more aware of how their words, reactions, and everyday choices affect others, especially children.
I also wrote more about this idea in my Brainz article, National Intentional Kindness Day Was About Human Connection, Not Just a Holiday.
Behavior often tells us something
Children who constantly feel criticized, ignored, compared, or misunderstood may begin questioning themselves long before adults notice it.
Some children stop raising their hands because they are afraid of being wrong. Some stop trying new things because failure feels embarrassing. Others become overly focused on pleasing everyone around them, while some may act as though they do not care because caring feels too vulnerable.
That is why I think it is important to remember that behavior often tells a story. Instead of immediately asking, “What is wrong with this child?” there are moments when it may be more helpful to ask, “What might this child be feeling?” That small change in perspective can move us away from judgment and toward understanding.
Sometimes being curious about what a child is experiencing is exactly what helps them feel seen.
Children need someone in their corner
Life will eventually bring every child disappointment. They will lose, make mistakes, experience rejection, and face situations that make them question themselves.
We cannot protect children from every difficult experience, and I do not think we should try to. Part of growing up is learning how to handle those moments. What we can do is help shape the voice they hear inside themselves when those moments happen.
A child who has grown up hearing “Try again” may be more likely to understand that failure is not the end. A child who has heard “Your feelings matter” may feel safer asking for help. A child who has consistently heard “I believe in you” may eventually learn how to say those same words to themselves.
That is why having one person in your corner can matter so much.
Recognition has made me think more about where confidence begins
As my own journey has grown, I have found myself thinking more about the people who encourage us before the rest of the world notices what we are doing.
I am deeply grateful to have been named a 2026 TOFA Awardee. That recognition means a great deal to me, but it has also made me reflect on everything that happened long before anyone was recognizing the work. Before the opportunities, articles, events, milestones, and awards, there first had to be belief.
There were people who encouraged me, and there were also moments when I had to keep going without knowing exactly where the journey would lead. Looking back, I realize how important both kinds of belief were.
Children are still learning how to do that. They are developing the confidence they may one day need to pursue a dream that nobody else can see yet. Sometimes the encouragement they receive today becomes part of the courage they carry into adulthood, and that is why the adults around them matter so much.
What children really need from us
Children need guidance, structure, and adults who help them understand right from wrong. But they also need adults who make room for their emotions, ideas, personalities, differences, and dreams.
They need someone who notices what is good in them, someone who does not define them by one mistake, and someone who reminds them that a difficult moment does not determine their future.
This does not mean telling children that everything will be easy or that hard work is unnecessary. Confidence should never replace effort. Healthy confidence simply gives a child enough belief in themselves to begin.
We never know which words a child will remember
We rarely know which moments children will carry with them into adulthood. It may not be the long speech we carefully planned. Sometimes it is something we barely remember saying.
A teacher may tell a child, “You are a really good writer.” A grandparent may say, “You have such a kind heart.” A coach may tell them, “You belong on this team.” A parent may remind them, “I will love you no matter what.” A caregiver may simply say, “Today was hard, but tomorrow we can try again.”
Years later, those words may still be there. That is one of the beautiful responsibilities we have as adults when children trust us with pieces of who they are becoming.
One caring adult really can make a difference
When I think about what I hope children carry with them from my books, the answer is actually very simple. I want children to believe in themselves and their dreams. I want them to understand that their feelings matter, that they have something meaningful to offer, and that they should feel proud of who they are.
Books can begin those conversations, but the people surrounding children help make those messages real. Every parent, teacher, grandparent, coach, counselor, caregiver, mentor, aunt, uncle, or trusted adult has an opportunity to become that person for a child.
You may never receive recognition for it, and you may never fully know how much your encouragement mattered. But years from now, when that child is standing in front of something difficult and wondering whether they are capable, your voice may still be somewhere inside them reminding them that they can do it, that someone believes in them, and that they matter.
Sometimes one caring adult really is all it takes to help a child begin believing those things for themselves.
Join the conversation
Think back to your own childhood. Was there one person who made you feel seen, capable, safe, or important during a time when you needed it most? Now think about the children in your own life. You may already be that person for someone without even realizing it.
Confidence does not always begin with an accomplishment. Sometimes it begins with belonging, and sometimes belonging begins when one person chooses to believe in a child before that child has learned how to believe in themselves.
To explore more of my work around children’s emotional literacy, confidence, kindness, cultural identity, and belonging, visit Mona Liza Santos and World Love Press, where you can find my books, free educational resources, community initiatives, and upcoming projects.
Read more from Mona Liza Santos
Mona Liza Santos, Award-Winning Children's Author & Emotional Literacy Advocate
Mona Liza Santos is an award-winning children's author, publisher, and founder of World Love Press. She is the author of more than 40 children's books focused on emotional literacy, kindness, confidence, resilience, and cultural identity. Her work has been recognized by the Mom's Choice Awards for its positive impact on children and families. Inspired by motherhood, global travel, and her Filipino heritage, Mona creates stories that encourage children to embrace who they are and recognize their worth. Mona is also the founder of National Intentional Kindness Day and Heritage and Heart Day, created to promote empathy, inclusion, cultural pride, and meaningful human connection within schools and communities.
