Written by: Dragana Favre, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It will not come as a huge surprise. We are witnessing an era marked by unprecedented global challenges—climate change, emotional outbursts, social inequalities, and technological uncertainties. It is tremendous, exciting, and worrying at the same time. We find ourselves at a critical juncture in human history. As we search for fancy solutions and Nebula Award-worthy scenarios, something more intimate, at hand, and incredibly difficult can emerge as a path toward a less dramatic future: Self-Parenting.
Self-parenting might not involve the traditional image of parenthood. However, evolutionary benefits are comparable. To comprehend it, we must first shift our perspective. Instead of viewing it as a literal act of parenting oneself, think of it as a metaphorical framework for self-care, self-guidance, and self-responsibility, and, more than anything, of communication with our intimate selves. It's about nurturing our individual well-being, personal growth, and ethical compass as if we were responsible for a child's (childhood as a spectrum of babyhood, childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, rebellious years, tired adults, being lost years, physical bodies depending on our mental decision, etc.) future.
Self-parenting is like meditation or observing optical illusions. Either it could take you years to figure it out, and then it seems obvious, or you can be absorbed spontaneously, passing the threshold of the practice. There is no right or wrong, just as there is neither a perfect parent nor a perfect child. It could take us years of psychotherapeutic practice or spiritual guidance to develop it in ourselves, it could come in dreams, or simply, it could be triggered by the openness to embrace this concept.
Here, I will give you a short guide I share with my patients when we both feel it is the moment to prioritize personal needs and desires.
Step 0
We realize that we are giving more than we are receiving. We find it unjust, and we seek the right balance. However, we are waiting for a fair transaction with the object of our giving. Here is the trick. The opposite of the art of giving is the art of receiving. Do we know how to receive?
Step 1
We usually realize that we are better at giving than receiving. We take a moment to integrate this information, not only intellectually but also emotionally and physically.
Step 2
We connect with our inner Giver. Who is that 'I' who keeps on giving to the world? Can we identify that part of us? How do we give? What is our pattern of giving?
Step 3
Imagine being the one receiving what 'I' from step 2 keeps on giving. Does it fit with my intimate needs?
Step 4
Actually, what do I need? What does my inner 'I' seek to get? What am I missing? What could shape me more harmoniously?
Step 5
Identify that inner 'I.' What age do I have? How the world looks from that perspective? What is my place in the world when I am of that age? What would I like to get for feeling safer?
Step 6
Give to that 'I' from Step 5 what it needs (a hug, understanding, structure, advice, a red flag, support, an ice-cream, etc.).
Step 7
Receive what was given. Simply receive it. Take it. Feel it with your body and integrate it with your emotions. Do not overanalyze. Do not look for a verbalized meaning. Just receive it.
Step 8
Now, remember how you felt when you were giving it to the 'I' from Step 5. Just receive that feeling, how you felt when you were providing for the 'I' from Step 5 with its needs. Feel how is it like to act and to feel as the spontaneous giving parent.
Step 9
Repeat and stay within the bond between the 'I' from Step 5 (the Inner Child) and the 'I' from Step 8 (the Inner Parent). Just feel their relationship, whatever forms it takes. Receive that bond.
Step 10
Observe the world through that bond. Don't change it, don't educate it, don't preach to it, don't destroy it. Just observe the world through the lenses of Step 9's bond.
What comes after Step 10? A wise answer would probably be: patience, alignment with linear time, and lots of repetition. But when we parent, we don't look to be wise; we look for the bond, for the future, for the appropriate means that life continues after “Now” moment. When we self-parent, we stabilize our anchor to what is our basic survival and life kit. If we do it well enough for ourselves, we don't wait for the rest of the world to do it for us. Therefore, we liberate the world from our needs, making it a free ground for different types of relationships.
The concept and the exercise of Self-Parenting serve as a reminder that we are not passive bystanders but active participants in shaping the course of history. The busy and chaotic world of today's salvation may well begin with the nurturing of our own selves and our commitment to a better tomorrow for each part of ourselves. It is worth of trying…
Dragana Favre, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Dragana Favre is a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and a seeker of the human psyche's mysteries. With a medical degree and extensive neuroscience education from prestigious institutions like the Max Planck Institute and Instituto de Neurociencias, she's a seasoned expert. Her unique approach combines Jungian psychotherapy, EMDR, and dream interpretation, guiding patients towards self-discovery and healing. Beyond her profession, Dr. Favre is passionate about science fiction, nature, and cosmology. Her ex-Yugoslavian roots in the small town of Kikinda offer a rich backdrop to her life's journey. She is dedicated to helping people find their true selves, much like an alchemist turning lead into gold.
