Asking The Wrong Questions

Written by Seema Kohli, Transformation Coach

Seema Kohli is a transformation coach with over 30 years' experience in personal development and transformation. Her coaching method, Powerful Life Mastery, takes women through a process of radical transformation in which they reconfigure their inner world so that they can create the outer reality they desire.

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Have clear goals and a brilliant action plan, but still feeling uninspired? It’s not you, it’s the questions you’ve been asking.

Chances are you’ve asked yourself four questions every year. You might be working on them now as we enter May, a third of the way through 2024. Perhaps you’ve worked with a coach who asked you the same questions.

What’s your goal?

What’s your strategy? 

What are your action steps?

Who’s holding you accountable?

Maybe these questions have worked wonders for you, and you’ve achieved what you wanted. You’ve learned about your personality type and your strengths, you got the promotion, the raise, the increase in revenue. 

Your life is good and you have everything that you want. You’re fulfilled and living on purpose.

If this you, you can stop reading now.

However, if this is not you, then you’ll want to read on.

How is it that after all this time, asking these questions, diligently journaling the answers in your diary, and all the time and money you put into coaching, you’re still 

waking up every day wondering what your purpose in life is.

Maybe working with a coach made it possible for you to have what you thought you always wanted. But you still feel incomplete – there’s something missing and you can’t quite put your finger on it.

Here’s why:

You’ve been asking these questions at the wrong time in your process. 

It’s not surprising.

Since you were in high school, you’ve been told to make goals, create strategies to reach them (at some point in the future) and commit to actions that you’ll take towards them, no matter how uncomfortable. Oh yes – and to find an accountability buddy who shames you if you don’t do what you committed to doing.

This approach can work wonders for some. 

And . . . it’s the wrong approach for you.

Why?

It doesn’t work for you because you’re someone who can’t ignore your inner landscape and your inner voice.

And this approach focusses on what’s happening on the outside, with little or no attention given first to what’s happening on the inside. 

I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say that all through high school and college, you were told that working for that law firm, at that starting salary was the best goal you could possibly have.

So you did whatever it took to do that.

And then your next goal was to work your way to partnership so that you could own the house that you currently live in, in your neighbourhood, and drive to the partner’s corner office in the car that everyone wants, in the outfit from Paris, looking forward to your 2 weeks a year holiday on a beach in Barbados.

So you did whatever it took to do that.

And now, your goal is to bank cash so that you can retire at 60 with an income that supports the life you were told someone like you should have.

So, you’re doing whatever it takes to do this.

Yet, throughout the years your inner voice has been telling you that there’s more you’re meant to be and experience in the present moment, in the now. And you’re overriding all the discomfort you experience taking the actions you think you have to take.

You know that time is passing while you’re doing the things you think you should be doing to have the life you’ve been told you should want at some point in the future. And you’re terrified of having regrets when it’s too late.

If this is you, then no matter where you are in your life right now, you must go on a journey of remembering who you are. And once you’ve remembered, review and redesign your goals, strategies and actions.

You need to first ask yourself these questions:

Who am I really (underneath who I’ve been told/taught to be)? What are my values, beliefs and aspirations for this lifetime?

What do I truly want (beyond what I’ve been told/ taught to want)? What really matters to me? What am I passionate about?

What state of being (not what state of doing) do I want to hold in all my bodies – my physical body, emotional body, mental body, spiritual body, and energetic body?

It’s the difference between being internally sourced (guided by your inner compass and deep knowing) and being externally referenced (influenced by everything and everybody else).

When you’re internally sourced, you live an inspired life:

1. Your goals will be aligned with your truest and highest values and aspirations for your life. You’ll set your direction towards the destination your soul wants for you. Instead of setting goals based on what you’ve been taught or told you should want.

2. Your strategies and actions will be aligned with who you truly are. You’ll experience flow and ease and be astonished at how things effortlessly unfold for you. Instead of gritting your teeth and pushing yourself to do what you’ve been told you have to do to get to where you think you want to be.

Life opens up for you in ways you can only imagine right now. You experience joy, peace and fulfilment now, rather than hoping they will arrive at some time in the future.

I’ve created a Guide: Chart Your Purposeful Path: 10 Key Shifts to a More Fulfilling Life. It’s designed to help you begin this discovery. It has 10 key shifts I've used for myself over 30+ years and which I guide my coaching clients to use to support them to discover their truth and live a more fulfilling life.

You can grab it here

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Read more from Seema Kohli

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Seema Kohli, Transformation Coach

Seema Kohli is a transformation coach with over 30 years' experience in personal development and transformation. Her coaching method, Powerful Life Mastery, takes women through a process of radical transformation in which they reconfigure their inner world so that they can create the outer reality they desire. Seema started her career at a top tier law firm in London and spent time at a major US investment bank before experiencing a personal loss that drove her to walk away from her successful career to spend time in India on spiritual endeavour. In 2021 she started her own business – guiding women who are ready to show up unapologetically as who they truly are and create the life they desire.