Ashlene Strunz Interview on Breathwork, Emotional Regulation, and Raising Resilient Children
Ashlene Strunz founded The Breath Diaries, a qualified Breathwork Facilitator and Mindset Coach passionate about helping mums and parents feel calmer, more connected, and confident as they navigate everyday life. Since beginning her breathwork journey in 2024, she has supported people in developing practical tools to regulate stress, build resilience, and reconnect with their mind and body.
Ashlene Strunz, Breathwork Instructor & Mindset Coach
What led you to combine breathwork with your experience in early childhood education to support parents?
There wasn’t one particular moment where I decided to combine breathwork and early childhood education. It happened naturally through my work with children and then discovering breathwork for myself.
Over the past six years of working in early childhood, I’ve seen firsthand how much a child’s experience can be influenced by the adults around them. I would often notice how anxious or unsettled parents were during orientations and drop-offs, and how that anxiety could be reflected in their children. When parents felt confident and calm during goodbye, the child often seemed to pick up on that confidence, and the separation went much more smoothly.
I noticed the same thing within the classroom. If I was becoming stressed or overwhelmed, I could often see the children becoming more dysregulated and experiencing bigger emotions. When I learned to recognise that and take a moment to regulate myself first, the children often seemed to follow my lead.
That naturally became part of how I worked with children and my team. We encouraged children to pause, take a breath, sit somewhere quiet and give themselves space before working through a big emotion. I then started sharing these approaches with parents and helping them understand what we were doing and why.
When I discovered breathwork, it simply fit into what I was already seeing and practising. It gave me another practical tool to help adults regulate themselves, creating more space for children to feel safe, connected and supported through their own emotions.
What did working with babies and toddlers teach you about when adults should step in and when they should step back?
One of the biggest things I think parents struggle with is allowing their child to be upset. Sadness, anger, frustration and disappointment are all normal human emotions, and children are allowed to experience them. Just because a child is having a big emotional reaction doesn’t mean we need to give in to what they want.
For me, there is an important distinction between allowing an emotion and allowing a behaviour. Your child can be angry that they aren’t allowed to jump on the couch, but that doesn’t mean they are allowed to jump on the couch. We can hold the boundary while helping them find another way to express that need. We might say, “You can’t jump on the couch, but let’s go outside, and you can jump off the climbing frame.”
Sometimes children simply need space to have their big emotion and then move on. That doesn’t mean leaving them alone or ignoring them. It can mean staying nearby, making sure they are safe and letting them know, “I’m here when you need me,” while giving them space to work through what they’re feeling.
Ultimately, you can provide safety and connection while still holding boundaries. You don’t have to fix every emotion your child experiences.
Why does a parent’s ability to regulate themselves matter when supporting a child’s emotions?
We talk a lot about co-regulation, and I think it is one of the most important concepts for parents to understand. When a child is experiencing a big emotion, they are often looking to the adults around them for cues about whether they are safe and how to respond. If the parent is also highly dysregulated, the stress between both nervous systems can feed into each other and intensify the situation.
Our children learn so much about emotional regulation through their relationships and repeated experiences with us. If we are able to stay grounded while our child is upset, we are showing them what it can look like to move through a difficult emotion without being overwhelmed by it.
That doesn’t mean we have to be perfectly calm all the time. We are human, and we will have moments where we become frustrated or overwhelmed too. The goal isn’t to be a perfectly regulated parent. It’s to become aware of what is happening within ourselves and learn how to pause and regulate before responding when we can.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do for our child’s big emotion is take a breath, regulate ourselves and remember that we don’t have to match their intensity. We can be the calm in the room while still acknowledging and holding space for what they are feeling.
Where do you think parents most often misunderstand emotional regulation in everyday family life?
There are so many misconceptions around emotional regulation, particularly the idea that if a parent becomes frustrated, loses their patience or feels overwhelmed, they are failing or are a “bad parent.” The truth is that you are human too. You are allowed to experience anger, frustration, sadness and overwhelm just as your child is.
Emotional regulation isn’t about never feeling these emotions. It’s about learning how to recognise them and choose what we do with them. If I become frustrated, I can communicate that to my child by saying, “I’m feeling really frustrated right now, so I need to take a few minutes to calm down.” Even something as simple as taking a few deep breaths together can become an opportunity to model regulation.
Sometimes we won’t get it right. That’s okay too. If you react in a way you’re not proud of, you can come back afterwards, apologise and explain what was happening for you.
I think repair is just as important as regulation. Our children don’t need perfect parents. They need to see that emotions are normal, that we can take responsibility for our actions, and that relationships can be repaired when things don’t go the way we intended.
Sometimes the most powerful lesson isn’t showing them how to stay calm all the time, but showing them what it looks like to recognise an emotion, take responsibility and try again.
Why do simple wellbeing tools often work better for overwhelmed parents than more demanding routines?
When someone is already overwhelmed, adding another long routine or another thing they feel they need to do perfectly can actually create more pressure. This is why I love simple wellbeing tools. They can be used within real life rather than requiring parents to completely change their lifestyle.
Something as simple as becoming aware of your breathing, taking a few slower breaths, going outside for a moment, noticing your feet on the ground or giving yourself a few minutes of quiet can create a small pause in the middle of a busy day.
I think that pause is often more valuable than having a perfect wellness routine that feels impossible to maintain.
Parents are already carrying so much. They are managing work, children, relationships, household responsibilities, sleep deprivation and everything else that comes with everyday life. I do not want wellbeing to feel like another item on their never-ending to-do list.
Simple tools are also more likely to be used when they are actually needed. You can take a few conscious breaths while your child is having a meltdown. You can pause before responding. You can use your breath before walking into the house after a difficult day.
Wellbeing does not have to be complicated to be meaningful.
How can parents begin changing an automatic response without putting pressure on themselves to get it right every time?
You don’t have to get it right every time. The goal isn’t to never become frustrated. It’s to start becoming aware of what is happening and create a small pause between the feeling and your response.
That pause might be as simple as taking one breath before you respond, noticing that your body is becoming tense, or even saying out loud, “I’m feeling really frustrated; I just need a moment.”
The more we practise noticing those moments, the easier it becomes to interrupt that automatic response over time. But it’s important not to put pressure on yourself to suddenly respond perfectly every time. These are patterns that we’ve often built over years, so changing them takes practice.
Sometimes, we won’t get it right. That’s okay too. If you do react in a way you’re not proud of, you can come back afterwards, apologise and explain what was happening for you. You might say, “I’m sorry I spoke to you like that. I was feeling really frustrated, but that wasn’t the way I wanted to respond.”
I think repair is just as important as regulation. Our children don’t need perfect parents. They need to see that emotions are normal, that we can take responsibility for our actions, and that relationships can be repaired when things don’t go the way we intended.
We are teaching our children how to handle emotions by the way we handle our own. Sometimes the most powerful lesson isn’t showing them how to stay calm all the time, but showing them what it looks like to recognise an emotion, pause, take responsibility and try again.
What is one thing you hope parents remember the next time they feel overwhelmed in a difficult moment with their child?
You are human too. You’re not a robot, and you are never going to respond perfectly in every situation. You would never expect your child to be perfect, so why would you expect that of yourself?
Give yourself the same patience, understanding and compassion that you are trying to give your child.
The beautiful part is that you’re learning together. There is no one perfect way to regulate, connect or respond. It’s about learning to understand yourself, understanding your child, and figuring out what works best for you and your family.
You don’t have to get it right every time. You just have to keep showing up, keep learning and keep trying. And sometimes, that’s the most powerful thing you can teach your child.
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