Written by: Vicki Ravangard, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When it comes to energy, there needs to be an equal exchange, or things will get wonky really quickly. I have experienced this in SO many relationships through my life, friendships, clients and bosses to mention a few. I have learned the importance of meeting people halfway. That doesn’t mean I only give 50% of my energy, quite the opposite! I will give 111% of my energy, but the exchange has to be equal. We both have to step forward and meet each other halfway so we can fully commit to the process.
This applies to any relationship, whether it’s family, friends, partners or clients. Why is this so important?
Because when this is even slightly off balance, we can either become completely co-dependent on the other person and we raise the expectations from them. We stop being able to be grateful for who they are and expect them to cater to what we need them to be. As soon as they don’t live up to that expectation, we use this as a reason to let our emotions take center stage, and that’s where it can get really nasty.
Most of us stack up negative emotions for prolonged periods and each time someone does not meet ‘our standards’, we add it to the pancake stack. Until one day, somebody innocently does something, and we explode (or the pancake stack topples over before you’ve even had your first bite!). Have you ever been there?
I know I have. In all areas of life, even in my corporate jobs, I have found myself unable to hold my tongue in the past. In some ways, it was a good thing because I knew that I had enough of being treated unfairly. I knew it was time to stand up for myself and allow my voice to be heard regardless of the consequences.
Nobody should feel like they are at the mercy of somebody else no matter what your situation is. Are you calling in your Faith to support you and guide you through the situation? Are you committed to healing your past wounds so that you can move fully forward in the now?
It’s not ok for someone to mistreat you just because they are paying your wages. Take money out of the equation and now ask yourself, “do I accept this treatment for myself”? If the answer is no, then that is your answer. Often, we make excuses for why we treat others a certain way or why we are treated a certain way, but it all comes back to the same Question. “Do I love myself enough to be treated this way”.
Do you really love and respect yourself? Are you willing to put yourself and your needs before the needs of those around you? Are you meeting people 80% of the way and picking up their slack? Are you thinking and worrying on their behalf meanwhile they are sunning themselves down the beach without a care in the world? Maybe you are the person who is down the beach – and you don’t deserve to carry the burden of others’ expectations of you either.
It's time to draw a line around your life's relationships that are no longer serving you. This doesn't mean you need to cut them out of your life, but simply redefine what you are willing to accept in the situation. You don't even need to tell them; you just need to tell yourself. Commit to your new story. Love yourself, even when it's hard. Know that everything you need already exists inside of you and once you recognize that, trust that you will be supported fully by The Universe.
Creating loving boundaries is something that comes up all the time with my clients. I simplified it down to the reason that we ever need to create a boundary is this:
“People are going to ask you to do things that will benefit themselves without thinking of the impact it has on you” we all do it, right? But does that mean that we need to say Yes to everything we are asked? Especially if we don’t feel good about it and it doesn’t serve us?
This is where self-love is such a huge influencing factor. I believe the value we place on ourselves reflects on what we are prepared to do for others. Some people think that their worth is defined by doing everything for others, but the paradox is, the more you do for others without considering your needs, the less worth you are placing on yourself. One of the most important things about creating a boundary is recognizing what you need and want to get out of the situation.
These are my top 3 Tips to creating Boundaries:
Ask yourself if you are aligned with what you are being asked to do.
If Yes, great! No boundaries are required. If No - are you willing to compromise?
If Yes, great! Come back with a counteroffer. If No – get clear on Why and politely decline..
Create space to do what is right for you and remember that saying no to someone else is saying YES to you. It’s going to feel uncomfortable at first, but isn’t it time to put yourself first so you can create a life that you are truly aligned with?
Vicki Ravangard, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
After 10 years of working my way up in my corporate career, I am a Part Qualified accountant who works as a Finance Analyst for a UK Airline. I am also a Spiritual Mindset Coach. So how did I go from corporate to coaching? My coaching business 'Take Her To The Moon' was born after embarking on my own spiritual mindset journey where I discovered the art of creating a life with intention and the power of conscious thinking, which positively influenced all areas of my life, including my corporate career. My Business focus is helping women who have lost their direction in life, to master their mindset & discover their soul purpose. I put my own unique spin on some of the greatest spiritual teachings and use these to help my clients experience greater success. I have a huge passion for Music & Travel, which is where I draw a lot of my inspiration from - and I am also a Disney lover!