Addiction Isn’t the Problem, Pain Is
- Apr 29
- 8 min read
Eszter Noble is an RTT® practitioner, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and Coach, specializing in anxiety, fears, and depression. Her method utilizes the most effective techniques from CBT, NLP, psychotherapy, and hypnotherapy, with the ability to provide freedom from any issues and deliver permanent, lasting solutions.
For how common it is, addiction remains one of the most misunderstood, confusing, and difficult challenges a person can face. It is rarely simple or straightforward. Instead, it’s messy, sometimes seasonal, definitely devastating and complex. Above all, it can be deeply painful and profoundly intricate, affecting not only the individual but also their relationships, family, and wider sense of self. Because of that complexity, it deserves more than judgment or oversimplified explanations. It requires a thoughtful, compassionate approach that looks beyond the behaviour itself and aims to understand what is truly driving it. So, let us begin to untangle it together. My hope is to offer a fresh perspective, along with practical ways to understand addiction more clearly and begin to alleviate it.
Do you know what you’re dealing with?
Many people are convinced that they do not have a problem, or that they can stop at any time if they choose to. They believe they are in control, yet a defining feature of addiction is the repeated return to a behaviour despite the harm and negative consequences it brings. In simple terms, addiction is not just a strong liking or habit, it is a pattern that can take over thinking, behaviour, and your daily life.
When attempting to tackle addiction, most people focus on the behaviour: drinking, overeating, scrolling, gambling, or using substances. The assumption is simple, if you stop the habit, you fix the problem. It seems obvious that there is simply too much of something; too much drinking, too much spending, that’s causing the problem, but what if it’s the exact opposite? Addiction usually points to not only pain but a lack. Addiction most often attempts to fill a void within us. Not feeling significant, not feeling good enough, not feeling adequate, or loved, you name it. Choosing to repeatedly indulge in the harmful behaviour, be it drugs, alcohol or gambling, gives the person a sense of control in what may feel like an otherwise chaotic life. Reaching for the substance or taking that questionable action allows them to feel in control, even if it’s somewhat short-lived.
This is why addiction can become so powerful. It does not just deliver pleasure or distraction; it can provide a momentary escape from distress and a substitute for feelings the person struggles to access in healthier ways. The cycle becomes self-reinforcing: pain leads to the behaviour, the behaviour brings short-lived relief, and then shame or consequences deepen the original pain.
A more compassionate understanding is to ask not only, “What is this person doing?” but also, “What are they trying not to feel?” and “What need is this behaviour attempting to meet?” That shift changes addiction from a moral failure into a survival strategy that has outlived its usefulness.
Why the habit is never the problem
Addiction is rarely the real issue on its own. More often, it is an attempt to manage something that feels far more difficult: pain, emptiness, overwhelm, loneliness, shame, or emotional distress. The habit is the visible part, but underneath it is usually an unmet need or an unspoken wound.
That is why simply telling someone to stop is rarely enough. If the behaviour has been offering relief, even briefly, then removing it without understanding what it was doing for the person can leave them feeling exposed and unprepared. The habit may be harmful, but to the person using it, it has often functioned as comfort, distraction, numbing, or a way to cope and to feel in control.
This is where a deeper understanding changes everything. When addiction is seen as a response to pain rather than a sign of weakness, or a habit that needs to be broken, the focus shifts from blame to curiosity. Instead of asking, “What is wrong with this person?” we begin asking, “What hurt so much that this became necessary?”
That shift matters because healing does not begin with punishment. It begins with recognition. Once the pain underneath the behaviour is acknowledged, there is room for compassion, support, and real change. In that sense, recovery is not only about breaking a habit. It is about meeting the pain that gave the habit its power.
I must admit that for the longest time, growing up, I was extremely judgemental and had a very harsh opinion about people who used drugs, joined gangs, lived on the streets. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not condoning that behaviour but through my education, I understood that the kids and adults roaming the streets really needed something they didn’t get at home. Being part of gang means you belong, being out on the streets using substances might help to escape from an abusive situation, it could help the person forget all that is causing them pain in their life. Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to have a stable, loving home, so it’s all the more important to start by understanding a person’s situation before we jump to conclusions or simply label them as weak and incapable.
The importance of accepting the pain
Accepting pain is a crucial part of recovery because addiction often develops as an attempt to escape, numb, or manage pain rather than as a simple lack of self-control. When you learn to stay present with painful feelings instead of immediately avoiding them, you can start understanding what the addiction is really protecting you from.
It’s very important to reframe addiction as a response to emotional pain, stress, disconnection, and overwhelm. That means the pain itself needs attention; otherwise, the mind will keep reaching for the fastest relief available.
Acceptance does not mean approving of suffering or giving up on change. It means acknowledging, “this hurts, but I can face it without abandoning myself,” which creates the conditions for healing instead of shame.
When pain is pushed away, it often returns in the form of stronger urges, emotional volatility, and repeated relapse patterns because the original wound has not been addressed. In that sense, addiction can become a cycle of temporary relief followed by deeper pain. So, let’s stop kicking the can down the road and stand up to the pain, embrace it even, so we can effectively deal with it.
Never over-identify with your past and the events that happened to you. Resilient people understand that bad things happen and they happen to everyone. You were never particularly unlucky or somehow cursed. Most people who are dealing with a traumatic past or severe emotional distress may just not have opened up about it. Understand that you are not alone and have compassion for yourself. When you see addiction through this lens, something shifts. It’s no longer: “What’s wrong with me?” But: “What happened to me?” “What am I trying to cope with?”
This shift from judgment to compassion is not just comforting, it’s transformative. Because when the pain is acknowledged, processed, and supported, the need for the addiction naturally begins to fade.
Why imagination and identity are the key
Imagination and identity matter in addiction recovery because people do not only need to stop a behaviour; they need to build a new relationship with themselves. Research on recovery shows that shifting from an “addiction identity” to a “recovery identity” is often a critical part of successful change, with many people describing recovery as a process of becoming someone new rather than simply giving something up.
Identity matters so much because addiction can narrow a person’s sense of self until the habit becomes the main story they tell about who they are. That can make change feel threatening, because letting go of the behaviour may also feel like losing the only identity, coping strategy, or sense of belonging they have known. Addiction is often rooted in trauma, emotional loss, and disconnection rather than moral weakness, so healing has to include rebuilding a more authentic self. When people are supported to reconnect with who they are beneath the pain, recovery becomes less about self-control and more about self-reclamation.
Unless you’re able to build a new identity, to see yourself differently, I feel that addiction will always be like a shadow. Some days could be tough, while others may be good, it might not be as obvious, some days it fades more into the background but is it ever really gone? So, instead of saying, I’m trying not to drink or smoke, you need to identify as a non-drinker, non-smoker, and so on.
Imagination gives you a picture of life beyond the addiction, which is essential when, in the present, you feel trapped or hopeless. If someone cannot imagine themselves as calm, connected, loved, or capable, it is much harder to move toward those states in real life.
In recovery, imagination serves as a powerful tool for change rather than mere wishful thinking. It allows individuals to visualize a future identity, one that embodies healthier choices and a sense of purpose. This mental rehearsal not only helps in tolerating the discomfort often experienced in the early stages of recovery but also provides a clear path toward meaningful transformation.
One of the most significant ways imagination supports recovery is by shifting the focus from "How do I stop?" to "Who am I becoming?" This shift encourages individuals to look ahead, fostering a sense of identity beyond addiction. It replaces shame with possibility, which is crucial for maintaining motivation and building resilience throughout the recovery process.
Moreover, imagination opens up space for adopting new roles that are integral to healing. Many people in recovery find strength in embracing roles such as parent, student, partner, creator, or survivor. These new identities become central to their healing journey, allowing them to move forward with a sense of purpose and hope.
Lastly, imagination makes it easier to choose actions that align with a desired identity, rather than falling back into old, addictive behaviors. By visualizing a healthier future, individuals are better equipped to make choices that reflect their goals and values, rather than the identity of addiction.
This mental framework ultimately empowers individuals to actively shape their recovery, creating a life they can look forward to.
Recovery begins to deepen when a person can imagine a self that is not defined by the addiction and can start living in alignment with that self. In that sense, identity offers direction, and imagination offers hope. After all, you cannot step onto a path you cannot see. Be brave and believe that there is a way forward. Regardless of what happened to you in the past, it’s now your job to save yourself. Let the old stories go, they don’t serve you anymore and they certainly don’t have to define your future.
Read more from Eszter Noble
Eszter Noble, Clinical Hypnotherapist & Coach
Eszter Noble is an established Clinical Hypnotherapist using the RTT® (Rapid Transformational Therapy) method, trained by world-renowned hypnotherapist Marisa Peer. She is known for handling extremely difficult cases and clients who have been stuck for years and have tried it all. Specializing in anxiety, fears, and depression, she is extremely intuitive and honest, dedicated to empowering her clients to become the best possible versions of themselves. Offering her expertise in English, German, and Hungarian, Eszter’s mission is to take the taboo out of therapy.
