9 Signs You Need a Retreat

Written by Tanishka The Moon Woman, Author, Speaker, Retreat Leader

Tanishka is an author and speaker who is passionate about helping people navigate their life transitions. She leads retreats for women in midlife. Beloved as ‘The Moon Woman’ for her blog, followed by half a million people, she helps people understand how the cycles of nature initiate us to mature, ancient wisdom that’s essential for social sustainability. Her work has been translated into multiple languages.

It’s kind of ironic that the people who most need a retreat are often the first ones to dismiss the invitation to attend one. Why? A retreat is like an intervention with ourselves. It requires a deep commitment. Those who operate in hyperdrive, compulsively anticipating the needs of others at work, on the home front or in their community, are often the last to recognise that they are overdue for some quality ‘me time’and the longer we overlook ourselves, the more dire our need for time-out becomes, and we’re often the last to see it.

So, if the idea of rearranging your schedule and commitments to others for one week to prioritise your own needs meets with resistance, you probably need to read this article!

9 signs you might need to go on a retreat

1. You’re constantly exhausted, even after rest

Do you wake up feeling tired, or does the thought of getting out of bed to face the day fill you with dread or lethargy? Perhaps you wouldn’t even function if it weren’t for your hot shower and morning coffee? While productivity is publicly rewarded, it comes at a private cost to our well-being. Burnout occurs when our adrenal glands are seriously depleted. This is common when we operate in a state of hypervigilance for a sustained period.

While it’s a great skill to be responsive to multiple demands simultaneously, we weren’t designed to do this day in and day out. Such accumulative stress has consequences, especially on our nervous system. When our nerves are fried from overstimulation, it’s hard to wind down and get a deep sleep because we’re often trying to process unfinished tasks in our sleep!

A change of scene provides a much-needed circuit breaker. Ideally, in a situation where we relinquish control for a designated time, such as 7-10 days. Handing over the reins is what we need to signal to our conscious mind that we have the container we need to unwind.

2. You feel overwhelmed by daily tasks

Simple tasks, like checking emails, making decisions, or social interactions, feel disproportionately draining. This is because the longer we refuse the call to take a break, the less efficient and effective we become until even the most simple of tasks feels overwhelming.

One sign that we’re feeling overwhelmed is when we hear ourselves sighing. Often, this is a flag that we’ve become overburdened. Before we can relinquish control, we often have to admit that we’ve taken on more than our fair share to prove a point or assert our self-worth. Only then can we drop the martyr act and take responsibility for our own needs.

3. You're easily irritated or emotional

Feel like you're on the verge of tears over relatively trivial things? Hence the saying, “the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Alternatively, you may notice you’re feeling impatient with everyone around you, quick to anger. Perhaps you've recently lost your temper and blown your stack, boiling over in a fit of rage, like Mount Vesuvius at your partner or teenager? Such emotional dysregulation flags that we are beyond the point of exhaustion, making us less resilient to the inevitable challenges of everyday life.

While we may recoil in guilt or shame, what we most need is self-compassion and benevolence. When we’re low on capacity to hold space compassionately for others, this is a sign we’ve also got none for ourselves. So we’re more likely to harbour resentments, blaming others for our low mood. The truth is, when we’re beyond our limit, we’re primed to find a scapegoat. Someone we can direct our anger and frustration towards, rather than admit to ourselves that we’ve neglected our needs. The sad irony is that people reflect back to us how we treat ourselves. So if you’re pissed that people around you are taking you for granted, don’t waste time shooting the messenger. Instead, take your power back by identifying what you need and take proactive steps to address your needs, without delay.

4. You’ve lost your sense of purpose or direction

If you feel stuck, uninspired, or unsure what you’re working toward professionally or personally, this is a sign you need a time-out to reflect on how your values and goals have changed.

Midlife is when we typically do a life review and question the trajectory of our life choices. Without the support of a retreat experience to support that inner and outer change, many people stay in situations that offer little or no fulfilment, and this is what ages many people prematurely.

5. You're disconnected from yourself or others

Feel like you’re just going through the motions? Maybe you feel numb or detached, so you gravitate towards escapism activities, like online shopping, social media, or Netflix, to distract you from the discontent that’s ever-present. You’re not alone! In fact, the majority of people are operating in a disassociated state, scrolling on devices and consuming clickbait like passive voyeurs, rather than making bold choices to live their best life.

This happens when we doubt ourselves to make the right choice, often due to unprocessed situations from our past that haunt us with a sense of failure. When we’re not truly available to feeling our full gamut of emotions, we exist like a husk of our former self, watching life unfold while feeling passively unable to alter it significantly. Even socialising can start to feel hollow or like a chore. If this rings true, plug back into life by daring to take a leap of faith out of your comfort zone to face your fears with a trusted guide.

6. You're creatively blocked

Whether you’re an artist or need to solve problems with innovative ideas as a parent or CEO, this becomes challenging when our creative spark feels dimmed or non-existent. Inspiration comes to us spontaneously when we are relaxed, open, and connected to existence. That’s why children never suffer from writer’s block, they spend time free thinking and exploring their relationship with themselves.

As we mature into adults, many become so focused on their checklist of goals that they forget to play and live life like an adventure. If we treat ourselves like machines, life becomes as dull as our mindset. We lose the magic of life. To get our groove back, we need to ‘court the muse’ by investing in new experiences that light our spark and give us something interesting to share. The more novel experiences we dare to try and the more we explore and develop different facets of ourselves, the more fascinating and magnetic we become, both socially and romantically.

7. Your body is sending you warning signals

Tension, headaches, digestive issues, or recurring illness could be your body crying out for rest or a reset. The body is the barometer of the soul (to quote author Annette Noontil). So when our body sounds the alarm, we really need to listen!

For instance, bad digestion can flag that we’ve not taken time to reflect regularly. This is how we digest our experiences. A supported setting, such as a facilitated sharing circle, offers both psychological and emotional support to reflect on our choices. Major organ failure, such as a heart attack, is often a wake-up call to listen to and act on our innermost feelings, regardless of what others may think.

If we override chronic symptoms, it takes a major health scare to wake us up. But that is what we’re told to do by pharmaceutical adverts: take a pill and get on with it! We are encouraged to view the body as separate and treat the body as one would service a vehicle, but if we can give ourselves dedicated time and space to listen to the messages our body is giving us, we can circumvent a serious crisis.

8. You're stuck in reactive mode

Do you feel like life is a constant series of events that require you to extinguish fires, constant dramas unfolding that require your urgent attention, so you never have time to pause, reflect, or just be? This happens when we haven’t taken time out to review the beliefs that are running us ragged!

We are more powerful than we know. Our subconscious expectations about life are constantly being reflected back to us in our waking life. So if you’re caught in the undertow of fear and worry, you’ll feel like every day you’re treading water, rather than actually making progress on any front. You need a retreat to get a new perspective so you can stop being your own worst enemy.

9. You're craving solitude or a major change

Maybe you’ve started to consider the idea of disappearing for a weekend just so you can hear yourself think. If getting away from it all sounds not just appealing, but necessary, you are overdue for a retreat. Don’t let these thoughts linger too long, or you may start daydreaming about faking your own death!

Consider renting a cabin on your own in the tranquillity of nature, or if you’re feeling brave, step into a dark room retreat for some serious decompression with complete sensory deprivation. If solo getaways are new terrain, I recommend starting with a facilitated retreat where you will be guided through a step-by-step process to reconnect with yourself in a serene and beautiful environment. With all your earthly needs attended to, you have both the space and support to dig deep and find some pearls.

You deserve support to navigate change

Change often beckons to us as frustration and overwhelm with our current circumstances. Change feels scary, so navigating the journey within to acknowledge what needs to change can be daunting without a guide. What’s satisfying about attending a retreat is that you will experience a shift in a small amount of time. So if you’re ready to find a new lease on life and return refreshed and empowered, signing up for a retreat is a great investment in your present and future happiness. I have had the honour to witness incredible transformations over the past 30 years, facilitating retreats for both men and women. To check out my midlife makeover retreat for women, click here, or my Demystify Moonpause retreat here. To check out my retreats for men, click here

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Read more from Tanishka The Moon Woman

Tanishka The Moon Woman, Author, Speaker, Retreat Leader

Tanishka is a world-renowned author, speaker, and facilitator who’s passionate about supporting people to transform times of chaos and crisis into empowering turning points. Beloved as ‘The Moon Woman’ for her blog, followed by half a million people, she helps people understand how the cycles of nature initiate us to mature, ancient wisdom that’s essential for social sustainability. Her work has been translated into multiple languages.