Written by: Carole Sanek, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Grief comes in different sizes. It is not one size fits all, not in this life, not in this world for certain.
I have lived in and out of my own personal grief experience for almost 3 years now and I can tell you this, every time I begin to feel better, happier and relaxed along comes something that takes me right back to the wilderness I have been walking through and that something shows no remorse.
It can be someone’s pet that died. It can be a pandemic-related death. It can be someone losing their job, or someone getting divorced, it can be a relationship gone bad, it can be anything that causes pain to someone else.
The one thing that centers it all is how we relate to it and where we allow it to take us.
As a life coach and writer, I work from a perspective of grief because I truly understand it, and because it comes back to visit me in many different forms with the bottom line being it is not one size fits all.
I know it is different for everyone who faces the loss of someone or something.
I want to share the 8 things I have found that works for me and for those I coach.
1. Let yourself feel it, don’t bury your emotions. It is unhealthy to attempt to keep it down deep and continually tamp it down when the feelings rise up again, as they will do.
2. Tell people how you feel. We no longer mourn as people did for years in identifiable modes of dress. Me, I told people if they saw me wearing sunglasses especially on cloudy days, to please understand I was mourning my loss.
3. We all have those special persons we can fall back on, talk with them, let them help you.
4. Make yourself your priority. Be good to yourself, be kind to yourself, eat well, sleep well, exercise and try to practice centering yourself or grounding yourself.
5. Get help. I have had a therapist for almost 3 years, I am getting close to letting therapy go, and to move forward on my own. There are many places to get lower-cost help, for example in a group through a church or through a hospice organization.
6. Stop believing time heals all wounds. It simply does not. Better days and times do happen, until you are triggered again, then it is back to the starting place in your grief.
7. Never let others tell you how you should be feeling. No one knows how you are feeling, remember grief if not one size fits all, avoid those who believe you should be doing this, doing that, and moving on. There is no moving on, period.
8. Always try to have something wonderful to do that you are looking forward to doing. Put it on your calendar, circle it, put a bunch of stars around the circle and then go do it, and schedule your next wonderful thing to do.
I know it is not easy. No matter what the reason is for your grief, I can promise you the pain from the loss does ease up, it just takes time and it helps if you try some of the things I have written about today.
Remember it is your wilderness and just like I have done, you too, will see fragments of light eventually and when you do, you will know healing has begun.
Carole Sanek, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Carole L. Sanek is a certified life coach specializing in personal coaching with her specialty being working in grief. Carole is also an author and her first book “Fractured” is with a publishing house in Chicago, scheduled to launch by the end of the year. Carole is especially excited that even though she was diagnosed 27 years ago with breast cancer, she wiped that slate clean and thrives on in her life. Reaching Carole is easy as she believes in transparency and authenticity and welcomes people to reach out to her.
