4 Tips To Getting Started With One-On-One Meetings
Updated: Feb 6, 2023
Written by: Vivien Hudson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As a manager, the prospect of one-on-one conversations with employees can be daunting – it’s easy to feel you must do all the talking, bear all the pressures, yet have a meaningful chat that motivates your team. The good news is there are some simple strategies that can make these conversations easier.
Initially, these conversations may feel awkward, but with practice, both you and your team members will look forward to them, help you foster long lasting relationships, and build motivated teams.
If you are reading this, maybe you were promoted to a manager because you were great at your previous role. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people skills required as a manager. Skills that didn’t come with your previous job as an individual contributor.
A manager is needed to help build morale at an individual and team level, give feedback, and provide recognition. One-on-ones help you get the best from your team through these timely conversations. People are generally happier and more confident in their job, more cooperative, productive, and stay with the company longer.
Chances are your company doesn’t have SOP for one-on-ones. Fortunately, organizations are recognizing the importance of leadership training and beginning to deliver on the development of core manager skills. For those companies that don’t provide training, it’s self-help articles like this, books, videos, and trial and error.
If you are like many managers, these conversations feel uncomfortable. This article shares four tips to help embrace the awkward and make some in roads to having regular one-on-ones.
Build a Relationship
For any manager who has yet to have a one-on-one conversation, you want to start with building a relationship. This is an opportunity for both of you to better know each other and build trust and rapport.
See if you can discover what is unique about this person or find something you have in common.
This is also a time for you to show you are human. If one-on-ones are something you have never done before, your team members may think you have grown a second head when you suddenly start doing them.
Let them know ‘I am working on my skills as a manager, and I know I haven’t been great at communicating. I want to get better at it because I know it will help you and help me be a better manager. Why don’t we start with getting to know each other a bit better.’ Your team will appreciate your humility and realize you are actually human. You might want to share how you ended up in this job or industry or ask your team member the same.
Use this time as an opportunity to build a bridge, not push an agenda.
Commit to the Process
Having a one-on-one conversation is not an annual event. Many managers have them weekly as a quick, casual ten-minute check in, others schedule a 30-minute time slot every other week or month. These meetings don’t have to have a full agenda, particularly if you have them frequently.
Carve out time in your calendar to have these conversations. Avoid canceling them! When the urgent tasks come to hand, which they inevitably do, it can be easy to cancel your one-on-one meetings. After all, this person will still be here tomorrow, next week, next month, … wait, where did they go!?
Having these meetings and prioritizing them is what helps keep your people engaged. When you cancel them or avoid having them, you are telling them, they are not important.
A side note here is to notice if you are becoming too familiar or casual and making assumptions about what is and is not working for them. Commit to the process of ensuring you are supporting this person’s development while being in line with organizational goals.
Have a Few Ready Questions
One-on-ones are a time for you to listen. Ideally, you want to talk around 20% of the time so if you notice you have been talking for a while it’s time to take a breath and ask a question.
One-on-ones are designed for you to support your people in their roles. It’s also an opportunity for them to problem-solve their own challenges when you use effective questions.
Have a handful of ready questions you can ask:
How are things?
What’s been going well?
What are you working on?
Where do you see any challenges?
What else do you need?
How can I best support you?
Nothing too tricky there, right? Get used to asking questions and avoid jumping in with fixing solutions. Instead, work on your listening skills, patience, and intention to help this person develop. The more you have these and the more attuned your listening, the more masterful your questions will become too.
Listen
This is a time to bring your full presence to these conversations and really listen. Silence your notifications and put your phone out of sight. Bring your attention to the person in front of you. Set an intention to be fully present, to listen objectively to what is and is not being said, and to be a lever for this person’s development.
As you listen, you can rephrase what you are hearing rather than jumping in with solutions. If people are complaining or negative, rephrase with ‘It sounds like you are experiencing a few challenges’ then be silent. The person will likely continue to speak. Let them feel heard. Ground yourself with some deep breathing to help you listen and hold a field of supportive energy for this person. When they finish speaking, you can ask questions like ‘What is the real need you have here? What opportunities do you see to help solve this problem? What is in your power? What are you willing to do?’ Helping them to acknowledge what they can and cannot do, will support them to see where they are willing or able to make an impact. Your role as a manager ultimately is to empower your people, not to fix all their problems.
One-on-one conversations are a place where managers can impact workplace attitudes and really get people on their team, rowing in the same direction. The old command and conquer style of leadership no longer works. If you want engaged and motivated people, it starts with building a relationship and regular one-on-one communication. If you want to be part of the change or need to get past your awkward, let’s chat.
Vivien Hudson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Vivien Hudson is a reformed pharmacist who went through her own journey of discovery when she trained as a life coach, moved hemispheres, and achieved her Masters in Business Adversity. This training enlightened her to how much change we can affect in our lives by understanding stress, the stories we tell ourselves, and how we show up in our bodies. Self-awareness, finding purpose, and living authentically are at the heart of effective change and leadership. Vivien combines her experience in health and wellbeing, business ownership, and the challenges she has faced in her own life to bring depth and diversity to her work She is trained as a life and performance ontological coach, brain fitness practitioner, on purpose presenter, speaker, and corporate trainer. Her purpose is instilling courage to help those she touches live a life well-lived.
