4 Reasons Why Optimism is Your Greatest Act of Defiance

Written by Constanze Zientek, Women‘s Coach

Constanze Zientek is a women's coach who works with highly sensitive women in their thirties, helping them to cultivate inner strength, embrace embodied leadership, and build an authentic, aligned life. Her approach blends emotional depth, clarity, and self-trust.

Do you often find yourself overwhelmed by problems, worrying about your future or about events that you know you have very little to no influence over? If you do, you are not an exception. In fact, you are experiencing a fundamental part of the human experience. We all go through phases in which insecurities and worries are a big part of the picture, and in many parts of life, they can become permanent.

While it’s unlikely that worrying can be completely defeated, one thing makes navigating real problems, fear, and doubt much easier: the practice of realistic optimism.

Of course, what else, you may think. But practicing optimism in everyday situations can truly be challenging. It gets even harder to stick to it when things start feeling really heavy or when problems arise that just don’t seem to be solvable. That’s why this article dives into different aspects of optimism, as well as the question of how to actually practice it when things feel tight.

1. The nature of optimism

What is optimism

The very first thing we are going to take a look at is the nature of optimism. Researchers can use the term “optimism” differently in their individual fields. One way to measure optimism is the Life Orientation Test Revised (LOT-R) by Michael Scheier and Charles Carver. According to this psychological measurement, optimism is defined as dispositional optimism: a stable, generalized personality trait reflecting the steady expectation that good things will happen in the future, even when a person faces obstacles or adversity.

Realistic optimism is not the belief that everything is always well. It is the belief that, whatever happens, something positive, desirable, hopeful, and meaningful can come out of a situation. It contains the belief that current conditions will likely work out for the better in the future, even though the how may not be visible yet.

According to Michael Scheier and Charles Carver, optimism is a scientific disposition rather than just positive thinking. But through introspection and practice, it can be built up or deepened.

About the benefits of realistic optimism

Research has shown that people who display a larger amount of realistic optimism tend to experience a better quality of life in multiple areas. Being optimistic tends to improve physical health and the quality of a person’s immune system, as well as psychological health and well-being. Higher levels of optimism often coincide with lower rates of depression and anxiety.

Optimism can also improve relationships between people, since optimism can lead to being more oriented toward the success of a relationship and therefore more likely to show the willingness to communicate and respect one’s own needs, as well as those of the other person. Overall, there seems to be a frequent connection between optimism and a person’s personal success, as they may not take failure as severely and are therefore able to approach a goal from different perspectives.

Common blocks of optimism

Cynicism often opposes optimism with the argument that it is dangerous, irresponsible, and inauthentic to assume the best. There are countless reasons why these ways of thinking are deeply established. Some very common ones are, for instance:

• Referring to previous moments of failure or hardship: If a person has evidence that certain events have not turned out well in the past, chances are high that they will expect the same outcome the next time as well. Just like that, a worry spiral arises.

  
  

• The “not me” narrative: Even people who see the possibility of things going well for others can get into the trap of assuming negativity by saying, “Yes, good things happen, but to other people, not to me.” This standpoint then opens another spiral, as the brain starts looking for evidence that this is actually true.

  
  

• Assuming the worst to avoid disappointment: Many times, it seems easiest to just assume the worst in a circumstance to protect oneself from disappointment: “If I don’t get my hopes up, I won’t be disappointed.” Well, the thing is, the person will most likely be disappointed, no matter how hard they try not to get their hopes up. It’s not natural for us to repress our own desires on an emotional level if we really want something. Trying to repress the desire can actually double the suffering.

  
  

• The need to feel responsible: Getting in the car without the seatbelt fastened and driving while assuming nothing is going to happen is an example of calculating a risk, taking it seriously, and therefore preventing injury. However, if one’s fear of getting hurt leads to them not getting in the car at all, it can have a very negative impact on their life. Discernment is key in judging what is actually a reasonable risk calculation and what is not.

  
  

• Loyalty to a group: Both of the points indicated above already show how hard it can be to change thoughts and habits that are directed toward expecting negativity. Another factor that can perpetuate negative assumptions is collective behaviors and opinions. No matter if it is family, a friend circle, or the workplace where a collective negative thought is formed, group loyalties can make it increasingly harder to question and counteract it. It can feel ridiculous or like personal betrayal to show up with a different outlook on things, let alone to demonstrate changed behavior that might go against the common way of thinking and acting within a group.

  
  

• Finding it impossible to be optimistic when looking at the current situation of the world: With wars, killings, climate change, and so many tragedies circulating in the news all around the globe, one can say that it is pretty hard to be optimistic nowadays. Sadly, countless tragedies are happening in the world.

In fact, wherever we feel like we can contribute and make a difference to help solve any of these problems, it is important that we do so. On the other hand, getting stuck in worrying over problems can actually lead to a blockage of mental and physical energy, and as a consequence, the energy that could otherwise be used for solving problems becomes trapped. This can quickly turn into exhaustion without making any meaningful changes on the outside.

While it can seem very understandable at first glance to assume the worst, it has a big downside: It will undoubtedly prepare the brain to look out for evidence of just that. As if that was not problematic enough, it can also have a ripple effect on other areas of life.

Once the brain prepares to “detect the environment for potential problems,” it will most likely find situations containing that potential, create more worries, and as a consequence, deepen the spiral further.

Realistic optimism can hold two truths at once

Of course, one could say that untamed optimism would toxically bypass pain or hardship. That is, in fact, true if optimism is used as a way to pass over evident issues or feelings. Telling a person, “Just be fine,” “Just get over it,” or “All is well” can actually be an attempted manipulation and potentially damage their emotional sphere. It can also negatively impact relationships and cause trust issues regarding the ability of the other person to truly understand one’s needs and perceptions (“Do they even understand how I feel?”).

However, optimism is not a one-dimensional principle. There is a more profound and sustainable way to use it. While toxic positivity denies what can be very real, realistic optimism can hold two truths at once. Realistic optimism can say, “This is really bad, and yet I’m convinced that there’s a better way forward. I’m working on it.” The how doesn’t have to be clear just yet. But the mere possibility has to be acknowledged: that the way to something better actually exists.

Optimism is a practice

Optimism is not something that you can just decide to have if it has never had a lot of room in your life before. It is a practice. Sometimes that practice is lifelong. But training the muscle is highly rewarding.

Because to receive great things, to see possibilities, and to acknowledge something good as such, and not simply as “beginner’s luck” or “let’s wait and see if this is too good to be true,” we have to prepare ourselves for them. Yes, in order for us to become more optimistic, we need to practice a basic level of optimism in the first place. We need to practice on a daily basis to open ourselves up to the possibility of good things happening to us, without the inner critic showing up and ruining the momentum.

2. Optimism denies fear the chance to write the story

The first reason to practice more optimism is that it refuses to let fear write the ending of a story. The question is literally, “What do you make it mean that something happened?”

When something unforeseen happens, fear is quick to take its place alongside uncertainty. Optimism often feels very much out of the picture or at least out of place. But the truth is that, in the end, the meaning of an experience is up to you. Not up to your surroundings, not up to society. It is up to you. Inviting optimism into the picture has multiple benefits.

Fear presents itself as realism

Fear is a vicious feeling. It’s like a very disturbing neighbor that tends to do something good for the community every once in a while, while for the rest of the time, it really disturbs everyone around it. Fear can also do good when it warns of real danger. But many times, fear ruins good experiences just for the sake of being present.

What seems to be realism in the first place is, in fact, nothing more than an act of protection against growth into unknown places. Fear often presents itself as realism as a form of protection from disappointment, but falsely so. More often than not, it manipulates people out of growing into bigger and better versions of themselves rather than protecting them from real danger.

So it is up to us to determine the moments in which fear is actually helpful in becoming aware of a circumstance. It is equally important to determine the moments when it is necessary to build so much inner authority that we don’t permit fear to manipulate us out of our growth and away from our most authentic path.

Optimism can favor uncertainty

Since fear operates as a hidden brake in our psyche, it also puts uncertainty in a bad light. It makes not knowing what is going to happen seem irresponsible. Without a detailed plan, it can seem just too risky to approach anything.

While it is true that planning, structures, and systems create security, it is also true that none of them will ever be able to fully get rid of uncertainty. Have you ever experienced a situation where you have tried to plan for every eventual outcome, only to have a mere infinity of unforeseen challenges come up? If yes, you know what I am talking about.

I’m not saying that the solution is to leave things up to chance. That would, in fact, be pretty irresponsible. But what is often overlooked is that, no matter how good the plan is, uncertainty won’t ever fully disappear.

On the other hand, uncertainty is also the very thing that leaves room for creative solutions to come in. It leaves space for things to be created in a better way than a human mind could initially even plan for.

Trusting in the creative potential of uncertainty instead of fighting it requires optimism. Together, they can create the space for unexpected, pleasant developments rather than blocking them through the fear of uncertainty.

Optimism contains possibility

So, if an event only has the meaning that you assign to it, that means that realistic optimism simply refuses to take a situation as a dooming verdict. It is the conviction that even if an event feels hurtful and potentially traumatizing, it holds the potential of becoming the ground that something good can be built on.

That’s where the tricky part begins: gathering enough determination and inner authority to perceive this as a real possibility. Optimism and inner authority work closely hand in hand, as it is actually inner authority that does not allow an outside circumstance to determine your outlook on things. Inner authority gives that permission only to yourself.

3. Optimism challenges anxiety culture

Optimism is the biggest opponent of mainstream media’s and society’s perception of reality. This is not surprising if you take a look at the news and countless undoubtedly terrifying happenings in today’s world. Also, it is pretty basic knowledge that our survival as humans has always depended on our nervous systems detecting threats in order to ensure our survival as a species.

Fear constantly competes for your attention

Whenever fear comes up, it brings up a notable reaction in the body. Fear is most of the time not a subtle emotion, as it has an alarming function. It tells our bodies to fight, run, freeze, or fawn in response to danger. Since our species never used to be, and sometimes still isn’t, free of danger for our survival, fear becomes loud, with only one goal: to secure our survival.

Fear is much louder than optimism. Many times, optimism seems to be an almost reckless endeavor in the face of survival. So, it is no wonder that optimism is often pushed aside.

Cynicism is often mistaken for intelligence

Since positivity doesn’t seem to ensure our survival, cynicism can seem like a sign of intelligence at first. Ultimately, so many brilliant philosophers and writers have become known for being deeply cynical, framing the human experience as often deeply disturbing for the soul and doomed by suffering.

Optimism, on the other hand, seems to be something that finds its place first and foremost in some childhood cartoon series.

Comparing the cynicism of deep-thinking minds throughout humanity’s history, from the ancient world onward, to shallow children’s entertainment, it is no wonder that happy content often gets a bad reputation for being unintelligent. As intelligent adults, we can have a hard time allowing ourselves to enjoy the superficiality of happy content. But what if children’s programs contain truths about the approach to life itself that we have already started to forget?

Cynicism creates paralysis

As already described, cynicism is often perceived as intelligence in the eyes of society. What is not discussed enough, instead, is how inviting more doom and gloom into a situation often builds up to a state of paralysis.

Suddenly, the problem is not being discussed in order to find a solution, but in order to vent about the problem itself. Just like that, a single problem starts being followed by a multitude of more problems with potentially horrific consequences, without any solutions in sight, neither for the first problem nor for the following ones.

4. Optimism protects your ability to act

Realistic optimism interrupts the spiral indicated above by putting things into perspective. It pulls one’s thoughts back into the here and now and enables a focus on finding practical solutions. It also serves to put problems into their place.

Some situations are just very dark indeed. But other times, a problem is not a real problem, but a healthy challenge. Optimism asks, “How dark does this really have to get until it is solved?” and by doing so, actually helps the brain interrupt the negative emotion that is fueling the problem and instead puts the focus on finding possible solutions.

Protecting your inner world is an act of defiance

Many of us move through life feeling like we are targeted by circumstances without being aware of the power we actually hold over them. Protecting your inner world through the practice of optimism is actually so much more than “just thinking better thoughts.”

It is an act of defiance toward life experiences and outside influences that make you feel like it is natural to live in a constant state of alert. It means upholding the authority to act and react to circumstances instead of getting stuck as their target. It means bringing movement where others stand still and co-creating circumstances instead of just letting things happen to you.

By doing so, we don’t only become a bigger fountain of strength in our own lives, but also in the lives of those around us.

Optimism is a sign of inner authority

Many of us move through life feeling like we are targeted by circumstances. We are not aware of the authority we actually hold over them. Just in gathering the willingness to practice more optimism in spite of visible challenges and problems lies an inner authority that can extend itself over all parts of one’s life.

Even if you never felt like you had a say in any part of your life, this inner part will always be available for you to command. This inner authority can bring solutions that were not visible before, and sometimes, it bends circumstances that seemed unbending in the first place.

Optimism fuels activity

Since optimism restores inner authority, it fuels physical and psychological power. After all, it is a lot easier to work for something if you actually see a purpose in the reason you are doing it. That purpose can come through optimism that is based on authority. It says, “I am doing this because I have decided that this is contributing to a higher purpose.”

About the role of trust and detachment

Now, let’s take a look at the pretty logical thought of what happens if you are truly committed to a goal or a cause that you are not sure will ever fulfill itself. This is where it gets interesting.

Let’s say you are studying to become an astronaut, but that never happens. Or you are contributing to a humanitarian cause, and no matter how much work you put in, there will always be more work to do, more problems to solve, and more suffering to face. That’s when trust becomes mandatory.

Your human efforts do indeed have limits. Optimism is not only useful for reaching a goal, but it is also the basis for the road you are taking toward a destination you don’t know. The destination can be up to chance, luck, or even faith, but real optimism requires trust and a certain detachment from the outcome.

Some outcomes are simply determined by one of the factors above. Sometimes, it requires trust that the road will somehow make sense in hindsight. Sometimes, you simply need to acknowledge the possibility that the road might carry you to a far better destination than the one you originally had in mind.

5. Tools to practice more optimism

So, with all the outside influences, as well as our thoughts being programmed to notice negativity over everything else, how do you actually get to practice more optimism? It can surely be a workout for your thoughts, and it may come more easily to some people than to others. It can also highly depend on the phase of life you are in and on the happenings around you, as well as how directly you can apply the following steps.

But if you feel like you really want to apply more optimism in your life, yet you are struggling with it, there are ways to practice it that will significantly increase your ability to do so.

Most of the time, these tools don’t work miracles overnight. They need to be applied, internalized, and practiced on a regular basis. They are not meant to bypass the negativity that is inherent in many situations.

But continuously training your mind to apply them will make it a lot easier to get out of negative thought spirals. They can also help you open up to inviting more and more reasons into your life to experience goodness and to actually allow yourself to feel it without downplaying or second-guessing it.

Acknowledge what hurts

Since optimism isn’t supposed to override negative emotions, it is important to take the time to acknowledge what hurts and why. Not bypassing what the first step to standing in your own power is. If you feel hurt by a situation, that matters, and so do the reasons that cause it.

In some situations of deep grief, the loss of a loved one being one of them, it seems simply impossible to force a positive thought about the situation. In these cases, let it be and let it sit. Give yourself as much time to heal as you need. As you do so, slowly start opening yourself up to the possibility of feeling uplifted again and know that this process will take time.

Look for what works

Take a few moments every day to remind yourself of what actually works very well right now. If there’s nothing big, think of something small. No matter how dark a situation looks, there will most certainly be things to appreciate in another part of life, whether these things might be big or small.

If a situation seems to be exclusively bad without room for anything else, try to think about at least three things that could become positive outcomes of that situation. Write them out and, if possible, read them out as often as possible. Let yourself feel the words.

If you absolutely do not believe there is anything positive to see at all, try to check in with yourself to see if you would actually tell the same thing to your friends if they were in the same situation. Many times, we tend to be meaner and darker toward ourselves than we would ever be toward any other person. Checking in with your situation from an outside perspective can help you gain a different perspective on something that feels stuck.

Don’t downplay what’s good

Many times, when we actually see something that has good in it, we just don’t acknowledge its existence as “Yes, this is good.” We start downplaying it, taking it as beginner’s luck, an exception to the rule that we’re not lucky, or simply as not that big of a deal.

If someone compliments us, we downplay our being or abilities. When we speak about things we love, we try not to brag about them.

As a practice, try to observe and adjust your speech as much as you possibly can. When someone compliments you on an achievement, instead of saying, “That was just luck,” say, “Yes, I’m glad that happened.” Speech is an incredibly powerful tool in bringing power or disempowerment to yourself, as well as negativity and positivity. The more you realize how your words actually shape your outlook on things, the more carefully you are going to choose them.

Decide that you bring in good things

Decide that you are a person who deserves to have and experience great things. Just because you are. If that concept does not resonate at all on the inside, claim it with authority. Imagine you are a boss giving orders and commanding your life to deliver better outcomes to you. You can even say that out loud all by yourself and make it sound slightly bossy, which might feel weird but can be effective.

Leave room for how that outcome should exactly look. It can be as simple as, “Whatever is the best and highest for me and my surroundings.”

It might seem like a completely new concept to your brain and nervous system and can therefore feel distant and pretty cringe. But the more often you practice authority, the easier it gets to actually build it and attract goodness from life. Because sometimes, improvement just needs a little energetic push, and authority builds just that.

Ask for more good things out loud

This brings us to another important step. Do you remember the saying, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease?” Many times, we feel like we would really like something, but we feel way too shy to ask for it, especially loudly. Many times, we can even feel anxious to ask in the first place because we fear rejection.

But the thing is, people are not mind readers. So expressing your needs out loud, not in an offensive way but clearly (“This is very important to me,” or “I really want this to happen”), often brings something to other people’s awareness.

Even just mentioning something (“I like volleyball”) might have someone think of you, and before you know it, they invite you to a gathering. Expressing your wants and needs out loud to others more often can certainly increase the chances of more of them coming your way.

Become more versatile

As someone who pretty much loves comfort, this isn’t always easy for me to follow. But I find it pretty necessary to balance my mood and overall inner state of being. That is being active. Not only through sports and body movement, though that is one way.

I’m talking about becoming more versatile in general. The more new things you try out, the more variety comes into your life, and the more new connections your brain makes. It is not necessary that you stick to all of them, as it might be pretty much impossible. Also, be careful not to overdo it if you already live a pretty full life.

But trying out new things on a regular basis brings you together with possibly very different people, habits, and perspectives.

Trust in a higher power

This might be a bit controversial for some readers and also goes into a deeply personal sphere, but I’ve found people who believe in a higher power to be open to the idea of getting help from the outside as they move along in their lives.

This is not aimed at any particular religion or religion itself. In fact, even people who don’t consider themselves religious at all but still believe in a higher power of some kind experience the same openness when it comes to receiving help from outside.

This is not a call for you to start believing in something if you don’t. However, if you somehow do, you can definitely use that as a way to affirm that a higher power will sustain your growth in the most aligned way.

Seek mentorship and coaching

Since optimism isn’t equally easy for everyone and can require continuous practice, good coaching can have a long-lasting effect on your ability to build and maintain it, despite whatever challenges you are confronted with and despite the opinions of those around you or society at large.

Reach out to me here to learn more about my coaching program, where you can work on that with me one-on-one over a longer period.

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Read more from Constanze Zientek

Constanze Zientek, Women‘s Coach

Constanze Zientek is a women's coach working with highly sensitive women in their thirties. She supports them in cultivating inner strength, embodied leadership, and an authentic, aligned life. Her approach blends emotional depth, clarity, and self-trust. She furthermore practices as a lawyer with over ten years of work experience, specializing in inheritance law. Her work with clients in emotionally complex transitions, combined with her own journey through her thirties, led her to coaching. Today, she integrates structure and intuition to offer clear, deeply human guidance.