Varinka Bouma-Iseli

Relational Leadership Coach & Author

Varinka Bouma is a relational leadership coach and author of The Way You Love Is the Way You Lead. She brings decades of experience from the corporate environment together with deep expertise in intimate relationships to her work with leaders and organizations.
 
Throughout her career, Bouma has observed a consistent pattern: the ways people learn to relate, belong, and protect themselves in close relationships resurface in positions of authority. Under pressure, these patterns shape how leaders handle responsibility, power, conflict, and connection, often without conscious awareness. Her work focuses on making these patterns visible, both in leadership contexts and in personal relationships, so more responsible and intentional choices become possible.
 
Bouma works with leaders, teams, and couples who want to understand the relational dynamics that influence their behavior and impact. Her approach is grounded, direct, and experiential, integrating insights from leadership development, relational psychology, and real-world executive experience. Rather than offering techniques or quick fixes, she addresses the underlying relational habits that determine how people show up when stakes are high.
 
Through her writing and coaching, Bouma explores the intersection of love, leadership, and responsibility, challenging the idea that personal and professional selves operate separately. Her work emphasizes presence, choice, and accountability as essential foundations for sustainable leadership and meaningful connection.