Why You Keep Failing And How To Fix It
Written by Drake Kirkwood, Mental Performance Coach
Drake Kirkwood is a mental performance coach who specializes in brain health, psychology, and mindset. After playing collegiate baseball and voyaging into entrepreneurship, Drake has spent his life leveling up his own mental game.
Have you ever committed to getting in shape, only to find yourself stuck—or worse, gaining a few extra pounds? Or maybe you dream of starting that side hustle but somehow never move past square one? Trust me, you’re not alone. We’ve all faced the frustration of unmet goals. Success isn’t something that comes naturally to us. We’re wired to survive, not thrive—and there’s a huge difference between the two. But don’t worry. In this article, we’ll uncover the top three reasons why you keep falling short and, more importantly, how to turn things around with a few practical steps.
What is failure, exactly?
First off, I’m a big fan of failure.
I bet you didn’t see that coming.
Failure is defined as the lack of success or the omission of required action.
Pretty straightforward. However, what we’re missing is the fact that failure is a wonderful mechanism for learning. And the more we learn, the more skills we develop, and the easier it becomes to achieve success (however we choose to define success). So, it’s paradoxical—this whole failure/success thing.
A major issue is our perception of failure. We have developed a culture that is terrified of failing and thinks of it negatively. We encourage kids not to fail. Even worse, we encourage them that failing is a bad thing in school, sports, and community clubs. However, there are different types of failure.
Let’s cover two basic types of failure: Honest failure and repeated failure. We want to embrace honest failure and limit repeated failure.
Honest failure is beautiful. This involves trying a method of success and seeing if it works. Do you know how many times Thomas Edison “failed” before he got the light bulb to work? 10,000 times.
Yeah, you read that right.
Honest failure is beautiful because it encourages innovative thinking—it’s how we tap into the brilliance of our imaginations and develop a sense of resilience to find answers. This is how we grow and evolve.
Repeated failure isn’t so beautiful. This involves making the same mistakes over and over. Another word for this is stupidity—let’s call a spade a spade, shall we?
If we are unable or unwilling to learn from a mistake we know offers a negative consequence, then we are failing to learn. This is what we can’t afford. The stakes are too great—our health, wealth, and relational success are all in jeopardy.
Before we move on, a quick caveat to repeated failure: Sometimes we need to make the same mistake over and over for us to finally learn. It’s taken me many failed reps of lifting my head during my golf swing to train myself to keep it down. The key is being aware of our repeated failures.
1. You don’t know what you want
This is the biggest reason we fail—we don't know what we want.
Specificity plays a massive role here. It’s not enough to want to lose weight, get rich, or become a scratch golfer—it’s too vague. The problem here is that when the going gets tough (and it will), it’s too easy to detach from the goal mentally and emotionally.
Here are a few guidelines to consider when considering what you want out of life:
The more specific, the better
I want to earn $100,000 from my online e-commerce business by December 31st, 2025 by selling my health products and building my sales team.
Focus on one big thing at a time. Or a few little things
I want to focus on building a strong foundation for my relationship and I am willing to put my health and career responsibilities on the back burner (maintain them) while I do so.
Or
This week, I want to focus on working out twice, going to sleep by 10:00 pm, and asking my boss for a raise.
Accept you may not know what you actually want
I thought I wanted a 6-pack, but I’m not willing to cook every day and skip munchies during Football Sunday.
I’ll recommend two strategies to help you figure out what you want in life.
Think about it.
Journal about what you want
Read books about what you want
Talk to friends and mentors about what you want
Meditate and visualize what you want
Try different things.
If you think you might like something, give it a shot. Chances are you won’t really like it, but that’s okay. The point is to find the essential few you love and cut out the trivial many you don’t.
2. You lack a definite purpose
Have you ever been told that by a coach or mentor?
I first heard this phrase from my head coach during my freshman year playing baseball at Colby Community College. I had never truly considered why I’d played baseball. It was just something I did. I was good at it; I enjoyed it; but considering how much time, energy, and money my family and I had invested, it was odd I didn’t have a concrete purpose.
Once we know what we want, we want to consider its purpose. This is important because it’s going to help us figure out two things:
What we are willing to work hard on
What we are willing to sacrifice along the way
Some people want to get rich so they can buy fancy cars and go on gnarly vacations. That’s cool. Some people want to get rich so they can retire their parents and pay for their kids to go to college. Also cool.
Your why is just that, Yours! There is no right or wrong reason for wanting something. Self-righteous people will cast opinions on whether your purpose is right or wrong, but I advise avoiding such people. This is your life and if you don’t take control of it, someone else will.
Now, before we move on to the third reason you keep losing, I suggest that your purpose intertwines with serving others and yourself. There is a sweet spot to strike between having fun and helping others. This will lead to sustainable and long-term success.
3. You’re susceptible to negative influences
This is a big one.
Cut ‘em loose.
Negative people. Negative energy. Negative content. It is all weighing you down from reaching your potential.
Cynicism may be at an all-time high and many people are simply “checking out”. It’s strange to me that we live in the richest, most abundant time in our history and most people are in the habit of taking it for granted.
We can eat what we want when we want. We have smartphones that grant us access to infinite knowledge. We have beds to sleep on and housing to keep us warm. Go back just a few thousand years (a blink compared to 13.8 billion years) and most people did not have these comforts. Hell, Kings and Queens didn’t even have these comforts.
Here are a few suggestions to cut out negative influences:
Make a list of people who make you feel good, okay, and bad. Quit spending time with people who make you feel bad, start detaching from people who make you feel okay, and start spending more time with people who make you feel good.
Add “brain foods” (food that promotes brain health) to your existing diet. The quality of our food determines the quality of our energy and vitality. If you want to feel energized, eat food that energizes your brain.
Unsubscribe from:
Social media pages that stir negative emotions
Instead → Follow @dailystoic and @drake.kirkwood
Quit watching the news
Instead → Read Limitless by Jim Kwik or I Will Teach You to Be Rich by Ramit Sethi
Watch less TV
Watch @Afterskool on YouTube or just “one” episode of your favorite show
Less losing, more winning: How to turn it around
How are you feeling? Have you taken some valuable insight from this article?
My life didn’t start changing until I began to take action—consistent, uncomfortable, and boring action. My businesses won’t grow unless I continue to do outreach. My health will stagnate unless I continue to lift heavy weights. My mind will weaken unless I continue stepping out of my comfort zone.
We can read, think, watch, and listen all day long but what’s going to move the needle is taking action.
Reading this article was a decent action step. But I’ll encourage you to go one step further and implement one of the action steps outlined in the article. Just one.
Who knows, maybe it causes a ripple effect so powerful you’ll begin thinking, feeling, and behaving like a winner—like the champion within you.
Conclusion
If you made it this far, let me give you a virtual high-five. I appreciate your attention—which is the real currency, right?
Follow me on social media to learn about the power of mental fitness.
If you have a serious health or wealth goal, invest in a 1:1 coach—it’ll speed up your success. Click here to schedule a free clarity call to discover if we’d make a good team.
Until next time, stay sharp!
Drake Kirkwood, Mental Performance Coach
Drake Kirkwood is a mental performance coach who specializes in brain health, psychology, and mindset. After playing collegiate baseball and voyaging into entrepreneurship, Drake has spent his life leveling up his own mental game. He believes that everyone has the potential to win in life by harnessing the power of their mind through psychology and mindset. He is a young and energetic entrepreneur on a mission to empower high performers with the skills and wisdom to master their minds and master their lives.
