Why Resilience is Not About Pushing Through Everything – An Interview with Coach Somaej Boykins

Somaej Boykins, founder of The JITT Group, brings a deeply personal and professional understanding of what it means to move from survival mode into intentional growth. Shaped by work in crisis response, trauma-informed coaching, and a close view of first responders, military personnel, and helping professionals, her approach centers on resilience that is honest, practical, and sustainable.

In this exclusive interview, Somaej discusses burnout, emotional safety, trauma-informed leadership, faith-centered healing, and how individuals and organizations can begin creating meaningful change without losing sight of dignity, accountability, and hope.

Somaej Boykins, Trauma-Informed Life Coach

What inspired you to create a career around helping people move from surviving to thriving?

My inspiration came from my own journey of carrying invisible burdens while continuing to meet responsibilities and show up for others. For years, I lived in what I now recognize as survival mode – pushing through stress, staying productive, and rarely giving myself the space to slow down, heal, or reflect.

What I discovered is that most people are not lacking potential. More often, they are carrying experiences, grief, stress, responsibilities, or life circumstances that make it difficult for that potential to flourish. Throughout my career, I met individuals who appeared successful and resilient on the outside but were exhausted, overwhelmed, and simply trying to make it through another day.

That realization fueled my passion for helping people understand that survival is not where their story has to end. With the right support, self-awareness, and intentional action, healing and growth are possible.

This belief ultimately led to the creation of The JITT Group (Journey Into Thoughtful Transformation). Our mission is to help individuals and organizations move beyond coping and begin living and leading with greater clarity, resilience, purpose, and hope. For me, there is no greater privilege than walking alongside people as they discover that thriving is possible.

How has your background in crisis response and trauma shaped the way you approach coaching today?

My background in crisis response taught me that behavior is often the visible expression of something much deeper. I often say, “Behavior is a clue, not the conclusion.” What we see on the surface is rarely the full story.

Rather than asking, “What’s wrong with this person?” I learned to ask, “What has this person experienced, and how might those experiences be impacting them today?” That shift from judgment to curiosity is at the heart of trauma-informed coaching.

Through my work, I’ve seen how chronic stress, grief, adversity, and trauma affect not only emotions but also decision-making, relationships, focus, and overall well-being. Many people are operating in a constant state of stress or emotional exhaustion without realizing it. In those moments, pushing harder is rarely the answer. People need awareness, support, and practical tools that help them create safety, regulate their nervous system, and move forward in a healthy way.

As a coach, I balance compassion with accountability. I believe people are capable of remarkable growth when they feel seen, supported, and empowered. My role is not to fix people, but to help them better understand themselves, navigate challenges, and create lasting change. True resilience comes from acknowledging our struggles, learning from them, and recognizing that healing and growth remain possible.

What have first responders, military personnel, and helping professionals taught you about resilience that others often overlook?

Before my work in crisis response and trauma-informed coaching, I witnessed resilience firsthand through family members who served as paramedics, law enforcement officers, military personnel, nurses, and helping professionals. Long before I understood the science of trauma, I saw the people behind the professions.

I witnessed their dedication, sacrifice, and commitment to serving others. I also saw the emotional weight they carried and the personal cost that often accompanies a life devoted to helping others. Those experiences shaped my understanding of resilience in profound ways.

One of the biggest misconceptions about resilience is that it means pushing through no matter what. While perseverance is important, resilience is not simply enduring hardship. It’s recognizing when something has impacted you and having the courage to address it.

Many of the strongest people I’ve worked with were willing to admit they needed support. They understood that asking for help was not a sign of weakness – it was a decision to continue the journey in a healthier and more sustainable way.

True resilience is not about pretending everything is okay. It’s about acknowledging challenges, learning from them, and allowing those experiences to deepen your wisdom, strengthen your character, and help you move forward with greater purpose, self-awareness, and compassion.

Why do you think burnout has become such a common experience for high-performing professionals?

I think burnout has become so common because many high-performing professionals have learned how to push through almost anything. We know how to meet deadlines, solve problems, take care of other people, and keep moving forward. The challenge is that we often bring that same mindset to our own well-being.

I've worked with people who are incredibly successful on paper, yet they're exhausted behind the scenes. They're leading teams, raising families, caring for aging parents, navigating personal challenges, and carrying responsibilities that most people never see. Over time, that weight adds up.

What concerns me is that we've started to view exhaustion as normal. We wear being busy like a badge of honor and convince ourselves we'll slow down after the next project, promotion, or milestone. For many people, that moment never comes.

One of the lessons I've learned, both personally and professionally, is that burnout rarely happens overnight. It's usually the result of small warning signs that go unaddressed for too long.

I don't see burnout as a weakness. I see it as a signal that something needs attention. Sometimes it's our boundaries. Sometimes it's our workload. Sometimes it's the fact that we've spent so much time caring for everyone else that we've forgotten to care for ourselves.

What does a trauma-informed workplace look like in practice, not just in theory?

A trauma-informed workplace is not a place where leaders are expected to become therapists. In this workplace, leaders recognize that people bring their whole life experience into the room daily, and by ensuring safety, trust, clarity, and dignity, it directly impacts performance.

In practice, it looks like leaders leading from a place that ensures people feel psychologically safe enough to ask questions, admit mistakes, or say they are overwhelmed before they burn out.

It also means creating systems that reduce unnecessary harm. That may include clear expectations, consistent communication, respectful accountability, flexible support when possible, and managers who know how to lead without shame, intimidation, or emotional volatility.

At The JITT Group, we believe trauma-informed leadership is not about lowering standards. It is about creating the conditions where people can meet high standards without sacrificing their well-being or identity. A healthy workplace does not avoid hard conversations; it handles them with care, clarity, and respect.

When this is lived out, people feel seen, not exposed; supported, not rescued; and accountable, not afraid. That is when transformation becomes more than a concept. It becomes part of the culture.

When someone feels stuck in stress, grief, or a major life transition, where is the best place for them to begin?

When someone feels stuck in stress, grief, or a major life transition, I believe the best place to begin is not by trying to fix everything – it's by giving yourself permission to honestly acknowledge where you are.

I often tell my clients, “You can't heal what you won't acknowledge.” Many of us try to push through difficult seasons, hoping that if we stay busy enough, the emotions will eventually disappear. But healing doesn't happen through avoidance. It begins with honesty, self-awareness, and self-compassion.

One of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is not, “How do I get back to who I used to be?” but rather, “What do I need in this season?” Sometimes the answer is rest. Sometimes it's support, healthy boundaries, space to grieve, or the courage to ask for help.

Healing is rarely a straight line. There will be setbacks, and that's part of being human. The goal isn't to become the person you once were – it's to move forward with greater self-awareness, resilience, wisdom, and hope.

How can leaders create emotional safety without lowering expectations or accountability?

Leaders create emotional safety without lowering expectations or accountability by understanding that emotional safety and accountability are not competing values – they complement each other to create healthy, high-performing teams.

One of the biggest misconceptions about emotional safety is that it requires lowering expectations or avoiding difficult conversations. I believe the opposite is true. Accountability without trust often creates compliance, but accountability with trust creates commitment.

Emotional safety begins with leadership. Leaders build trust through consistency, clear communication, transparency, fairness, and mutual respect. They create environments where employees feel safe to ask questions, admit mistakes, share ideas, and have honest conversations without fear of humiliation or retaliation.

A trauma-informed leader understands that every employee brings unique experiences, strengths, and challenges into the workplace. That awareness doesn't excuse poor performance, but it does influence how leaders respond. Rather than leading with assumptions or criticism, they lead with curiosity, clarity, and coaching.

One of the most powerful leadership shifts is moving from asking, "What's wrong with this employee?" to "What's getting in the way of this employee performing at their best?" That shift transforms blame into problem-solving and creates healthier, more resilient teams.

How do you balance evidence-based trauma-informed principles with faith-centered healing in your work?

For me, balancing evidence-based trauma-informed principles with faith-centered healing isn't about choosing one over the other – it's about recognizing that both have an important role in the healing journey. I don't see them as competing perspectives; I see them as complementary. My approach is never to impose my beliefs but to honor the values and goals of the person I'm serving.

Trauma-informed coaching helps people understand how trauma, chronic stress, grief, and life experiences affect the brain, nervous system, emotions, relationships, and behavior. For clients who choose to incorporate faith, I believe it provides hope when circumstances feel overwhelming, purpose when life feels uncertain, peace in difficult seasons, and the reminder that our identity is not defined by our pain or our past.

I meet people where they are. Whether a client desires a faith-centered or secular approach, my goal is to provide support that aligns with their values while equipping them with practical tools for growth.

I believe healing is deeply personal. It's not my place to tell people what their healing journey should look like, but to walk alongside them with the support, encouragement, and tools they need to move forward with confidence. My hope is always the same: to help people move from surviving to thriving with greater awareness, resilience, purpose, and hope.

What is one mindset shift that can help someone start creating meaningful change in their life today?

If I could encourage one mindset shift, it would be this: stop asking, "How do I get back to who I used to be?" and start asking, "Who am I becoming through this experience?"

When we experience hardship, it's natural to want life to return to the way it was before the stress, grief, disappointment, or major life transition. But every experience has the potential to shape us. Instead of trying to reclaim a previous version of ourselves, we can embrace the opportunity for growth.

Life's challenges don't have to define us, but they can develop us. They can deepen our compassion, strengthen our resilience, clarify our priorities, and reveal strengths we never knew we had.

Meaningful change doesn't begin when life is perfect. It begins the moment we acknowledge where we are, accept what we cannot change, and take one intentional step forward. Growth happens one decision at a time, and those small, consistent choices often lead to the greatest transformation.

No matter what season someone is facing, I want them to remember this: your current circumstances do not determine your future. Healing is possible. Growth is possible. Thriving is possible. Your story isn't over – perhaps it's simply preparing you for your next chapter.

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