Why People Cheat?
- Aug 18, 2021
- 3 min read
Updated: Sep 8, 2025
Written by: Viloshni Moodley, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Cheating is often about power and control. It's a way to get ahead by taking advantage of others. It's deception, a display of lack of integrity, and it's dishonest and contrary to what we believe about honest play. The key is recognizing what your motivations are when you cheat. Sometimes it's about getting ahead by taking advantage of someone and hurting them. Denying them the love and acceptance they deserve, making them feel rejected, unworthy, and alone.
People have extramarital affairs for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s a lack of communication in a relationship. Or maybe the spark is gone. Perhaps a partner is bored and not getting the excitement they used to share, perhaps they just want to feel young again, or maybe they are feeling lonely by being neglected by their partner.
The natural cycle of relationships tends to take the route of becoming comfortable with each other once security settles in. A change in the relationship occurs like commitment, marriage, a child, or a pet that can set in the mode of taking each other for granted. This results in less attention being given to each other and a lack of prioritization to spend quality time together. There is a lack of communication about each other’s needs, goals, and desires. It leads to becoming a disconnected relationship whereby two people are merely putting up with each other.
Infidelity is usually an emotional response to feeling disconnected from one’s partner. This is not a choice, however more a response to the ego to feel loved, wanted, and excited again. Finding out or suspicion that your partner is cheating on you is a nasty shock that no genius needs to confirm/know.
Cheating is wrong. It's a betrayal of trust and an act of cowardice. But a lot of people do it for reasons we don't fully understand. Sometimes it's because they're bored or lonely - or perhaps it's out of pure spite. And sometimes it's for far more innocuous reasons: maybe someone wants to test you - or maybe they just want to get noticed by someone else.
What drives cheaters? What makes them tick? The desire for power, attention, stroked ego? Some cheaters hide their dishonesty by acting out. But others are proud of their secrets and will spill them to anyone who will listen. Why would someone do something so dishonorable? It could be because they have an addiction or a psychological disorder. Any of us can try to be honest with ourselves and others and still fall short of our ideal selves. That is why it is essential to learn how to spot lies from liars and learn what the “right path” is.
Cheating in relationships is an option, and even when you think your love is solid, it is a big part of the relationship game. Many people would rather not cheat on their significant other than have their love and affection taken from them but don't recognize the need for honesty about their relationship. If you cheat on your partner, it's not because you love them than yourself. It's because you love yourself more than anything and are willing to sacrifice them to be happy.
The biggest signs of cheating are anger, delays in acknowledging the other person's feelings, denial of love, blaming others for your problems, and using guilt to control your actions or thoughts.
Cheating is the norm in many relationships. The cheater may be well-intentioned, but the actions they take are based on deception, and their goal is to hurt the other person. These are not just shallow actions done for gratification but deep-seated behaviors that stem from an inability to accept faults and insecurities as they are.
Cheating can be seen as " normal", but everyone has their views on cheating.
Viloshni Moodley, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Viloshni Moodley is an accredited Sexpert practicing as an Online Intimacy Coach. She is the founder and owner of Ultimacy Online, since leaving her over 25 years of management experience within Corporate. Her passion for empowering individuals with positive sex education and breaking the negative conditioning cycle has influenced her change in her career path. She believes relationships are the most important factor to overall well-being and is thus passionate about making a change to ensure people have more fulfilling relationships. Having a happy, healthy relationship provides balance in individuals and couples. Her work specializes in coaching individuals or couples who wish to achieve certain goals in the bedroom and short courses in different areas of sexuality.
