When Is The Win/Lose Situation Acceptable?
- Sep 20, 2021
- 4 min read
Written by: Jennifer Loehding, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We often talk about the win/win strategy in business. You know the idea that I come out happy and you come out happy. Maybe it's not always quite like that, but the idea is that two parties find a suitable solution so that both can walk away feeling okay as they advance. We know that doesn't always happen in business, nor does it occur in life all the time. Most often, we find that people we engage with operate from a mindset of win/lose. That's the idea that I win, and for that to happen, you must lose. But when is it appropriate to suffice for a lose/win situation? We are going to dive into that.
But first things first. Let me tell you a story.
I took up pet sitting as a side gig during the pandemic. I thought it would be an easy job because I could work around my schedule and be around animals, which I love. For the most part, it has been easy, and I have met some incredible furry friends along with some fantastic people. I have kept it relatively low-key and worked it around my family life and my other business.
Most of the families I have worked with have been pleasant and accommodating. I could go on and on about how amazing they are, but I would be lying if I said all of them have been easy. I have found some of them to be rather difficult, and by that, I mean they sometimes have expectations I am not willing to meet.
Why am I telling you this?
I recently had one of those negative experiences that led me to a lose/win situation. Most of the time, I find that if an issue arises, it's due to a lack of communication and assumed expectations. This negative experience was just that. There was a failure in communication regarding expectations and a failure to meet those assumed expectations. As a result, the client wasn't happy, and neither was I. I realized early on that I wanted to get out of this job, but I had to see it through to the end.
Situations like that seldom occur, but it is an optimal time to evaluate the problem when they do. So, I thought about what I could have done differently and how I could have communicated better. How could I have made sure the client knew my expectations much clearer? How could I have encouraged her to ask more questions? I also realized that I was not the complete cause of the poor communication in this situation. We each had to show up, and with that, I determined when she canceled midway through the sitting, and I knew I was losing money, that I was okay walking away. My sanity is much more important than winning this battle.
In "The 7 Habits of the Highly Effective," Stephen Covey talks about the lose/win situation. It's not a great place to reside. If you are always giving in, it could signal a fear of addressing issues or perhaps a lack of confidence. However, sometimes it is appropriate and much needed. Sometimes you have to let go to move on to something better.
I like to think of the lose/win as necessary when my ability to adequality come up with a solution that will not force me to relinquish my values doesn't happen. In orders words, if I have to compromise a value that is important to me, like integrity or honesty, or fairness, forget it. I am letting it all go. It's not worth fighting over if you have to sell yourself out to win. The idea should be to have a conversation where both parties can agree on how to handle the solution. It might not be the most amicable solution, but it will be one both parties can live with that is respectable.
I quickly realized that there would be no good solution without sacrificing in this situation. Sure, I could have argued for what I thought was right, but is it worth it? Am I going to do a job again for this client? No. Am I going to gain anything by pressing this point? No. My choice was to move on and let it be a lose/win experience.
So my advice.....
Next time you find yourself in a sticky situation, offer to see if the person is open to dialogue, and remember first to go for the win/win in the opportunity. As talked about in Stephen Covey's book, you must seek to understand before being understood. Try to find out where the person is coming from in their stance. Once you determine that and offer empathy, it gives you room to provide your position on the topic. From there, a third alternative may come about from the dialogue. However, if you are going nowhere in the conversation as I found myself, it may be time to accept a lose/win and walk away. Your peace is much more valuable than the time you would waste trying to change scarcity-minded people into thinking there is a win/win in this situation.
But always seek to find the win/win when possible.
Cheers!
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Jennifer Loehding, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jennifer Loehding is a mindset coach, blogger, speaker, author, and creator/host of the Starter Girlz Podcast. Her memoir—Beat the Toughest Obstacles—highlights the period in her life when she recovered from the pain and frustration that comes with a diagnosis of Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia. After years of getting no answers from medical professionals, Jennifer decided to find the best path to healing for herself. Relentless research and dogged determination allowed her to get around the sabotaging behaviors in her own life, and she now lives pain and medicine-free! Now Jennifer desires to teach people tips that will help them TOO to have exponential growth. She channels her energy and enthusiasm into the podcast—Starter Girlz—which she hosts every week, interviewing athletes, entrepreneurs, and individuals, highlighting the strengths that have helped them not only succeed but overcome the challenges they have faced. Jennifer likes empowering people to achieve success by assisting them to recognize sabotaging behaviors—their source and how to get around them.
