What Does Self-Love Actually Look Like?
- Feb 14, 2024
- 4 min read
Written by: Emma Heywood Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
You probably keep hearing that phrase. You just have to “love yourself” and everything in your life will be good.
But loving yourself isn’t just giving yourself treats and taking bubble baths. Loving yourself is actually developing an honest relationship with yourself. Loving yourself means confronting the parts of yourself you are hiding from. Loving yourself is loving the younger version of yourself that didn’t get their needs met.
Here’s the thing: The moments you’re feeling upset as an adult is actually that younger version of yourself being activated. It may seem that adult you is upset, but what’s happening is you’re being subconsciously reminded of a time when younger you wasn’t seen, heard, or loved.
So last week when that person rejected you or when you didn’t get the job you wanted and you are freaking out, you have to understand that what is happening is a younger part of yourself is being triggered.
Loving yourself today is actually about loving the younger you who is still carrying that pain. That pain is living inside your subconscious mind and body.
When you’re a kid, operating from your pure subconscious (which means your conscious/logical mind isn’t yet formed), when something painful happens to you from your family or society, you form a belief about yourself. Most of the time you internalize the feeling: that something is wrong with you. That you are unworthy or unloveable.
And that belief/feeling has been stuck inside your subconscious mind all these years. Once a belief is formed in your subconscious mind it stays there. The longer it’s there the harder it is to replace. It’s not impossible to replace, just harder. This is what self love is. Dedicating to using healing tools to change the painful beliefs from your past so you can lead a happy, fulfilling life today.
How you can start loving yourself today
Loving yourself is communicating with your younger you. That can look like taking a photo of younger you or writing a letter to younger you and asking them: “how can I meet your needs now?” “What do you need to feel seen and heard?” And then giving that to them/you.
Loving yourself is parenting yourself in the ways you never got from your parents or caregivers. It is speaking to yourself in a way that you wish your parents did (and if you are reparenting yourself, your life is limitless).
Loving yourself is listening to your needs and setting boundaries.
Loving yourself is resting.
Loving yourself is not always liking yourself but still showing up for yourself day after day. It is practicing habits that are good for you even when you don’t feel like it and you want to hide.
Loving yourself is giving yourself grace when you make mistakes.
Loving yourself is speaking to yourself with kindness. Knowing that the only person that’s listening is you (seeing your mind as a friend is a good way to change your self talk).
Loving yourself is about listening to your intuition over the outside noise. It’s knowing that YOU know yourself best. It’s about self-discovery, following your curiosities, what lights you up, following that inner fire, your inner impulse.
Loving yourself is having patience when you’re growing, healing, and evolving and not immediately shaming yourself.
Loving yourself is about moving through discomfort. When you’re learning something new, being your own inner cheerleader and coach.
Loving yourself is knowing that you are deeply conditioned by society and you are a person controlled by the conditioning and beliefs placed upon you. Getting to know the deeper you below the conditioning is self-love.
And let’s not forget, loving yourself can be in the good moments too. It can look like talking to younger you and saying, “Damn, look at us now!”
Are you ready to build Self Love? Check out my Hypnosis Recording here to build your self-love.
Emma Heywood, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Emma Heywood is a Clinical Hypnotherapist, a practitioner of Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT), Performance Mindset Coach, and a classically trained actress, performing on stage from North America to Europe. She has been on her own mental health journey since she was 12 years old. She knows what it’s like to struggle with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. She transformed her life using RTT, hypnosis, and the power of her subconscious mind. She went from living a life of trauma and low self-esteem to one of inner freedom, self-worth, joy, abundance, and embodying her purpose. And now she helps others do the same. You too can live a life free from self-doubt, fear, low self-esteem, and anxiety. You too can become the most powerful, liberated, confident version of you yet. Emma will be your guide: see you on the other side.
