The Most Important Lesson I’ve Learned About Finding Community
- Oct 14, 2022
- 3 min read
Written by: Sarah Gibbons, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Being a part of a community is a huge key to success for most people – but finding the right group of your people is not as easy as we’re made to believe. Over the last six months, I found myself craving a deeper sense of community – particularly around my desire to live a more soul-filling life. It’s made me choosy on how I spend my energy. I’m still ambitious, but now I’m a more simplified, intentional version. I’ve been craving spaciousness and connection that was not only deeper but had a wider range.
Through the process, I’ve realized how much we’re sold community. As if the minute you join a group, you’re going to instantly feel like you’ve made best friends – friends who totally get you and see you.
But that’s not the case – until you do some work.
The truth is: Finding a community of your people is a combination of laser sharp facilitating and showing up fully in self.
Even then, the getting to know each other phase can be a bit slow, especially if you haven’t met in person. Real community can be awkward, boring, average and, dare I say ‘just fine’.
I recently spent time in person with a community I joined. Cultivate is a group of female business owners all craving a more soul-filling business and life. Our group connection started with meetings over Zoom and at times felt nice, though sometimes awkward.
After spending a weekend together, I realized if we want to experience a community where we feel completely understood and seen, we ourselves have to fully show up.
Not in a fake it until you make it the way we often hear about. But in here are my dreams, my biggest fears, things that keep me up at night, shame stories and everything in between. When we show up with all of our parts, all our stories, and give people our full presence, real community is created. And that’s what makes a community life changing.
Every time I’ve elevated to the next level in my marriage, motherhood, or my business, it’s because of one belief I swear by. Revolutionary growth happens inside revolutionary relationships.
I can’t imagine not having a group to lean into who has my back, believes in me 100%, accepts me exactly as I am encouraging me to choose discomfort over resentment, and reminds me who I am when I forget.
Connection is a gift at the heart of the community. It’s not just about depth, it’s about range.
So… how’s your relationship to communities?
Here are a few questions to ask yourself to take stock of how you show up in the communities you’re a part of:
When’s the last time you answered the question, “How’s it going?” with the real stuff and not just, “I’m good, but busy and tired”?
When was the last time you sat at another human’s dining room table and talked about your relationships, your work, your health, your worries, politics, or your faith and really felt like you were the only one that mattered in that moment?
When was the last time you totally let your guard down and asked for help?
When was the last time you said NO and didn’t worry about others liking you less?
When’s the last time you felt like quitting, and someone said to you…oh no you don’t – this is who you are and you owe it to yourself to go for it?
For me, the more I let go of the dream of experiencing an ‘ideal’ community and embrace the messy, real community, which means I show up from my truest self, I experience belonging. Boom. That’s when transformation happens. When one human transforms in a group, you better believe there’s a ripple.
If this kind of community resonates with you, we have something to discuss.
Sarah Gibbons, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sarah Gibbons is a renowned executive Success Coach based in LA who’s worked with incredible leaders like the LA Clippers, the Weitz Foundation, the teams at award-winning Creative Agency Hey Wonderful, The Talent LA, Executives at Google, Chiat, and more and she’s become known as the “LA Creative Whisperer” for her tough, but the real, effective and graceful approach to leadership coaching. In addition to running The Mother Board, she runs The Board, The Father Board and coaches corporations, organizations, and individual leaders. She’s also a wife, mother of three young boys, a philanthropist, published author, and inspirational speaker.
