Written by: Luca Berni, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As a Coach, I have often asked my clients what they really wanted in life. I asked them what was that thing that they always wanted to accomplish, but for some reason, they never decided to start. Someone wanted to write a book. Someone wanted to go on a trip. Someone wanted to start a business on their own. And someone just wanted to make up for the mistakes of the past. To the next question: “What has hitherto prevented you from fulfilling your wish?” Everyone had at least one valid reason that made the dream impossible. But the following question: “If you didn't have any kind of fear, how would your situation change?” It turns out an interesting thing. Everyone replies that they would immediately get to work to get what they want.
Everything that hinders the realization of our desires is not around us, but it is within us, and it is always traceable to the fear of something. We all have fears, and these are essential to staying alive. But when fears take over, they become the greatest enemy of self-realization. Everything that separates from success, whatever each one understands as "success," always passes through the overcoming of fear. Becoming aware of what we are really scared of can be the first step in building a full and fulfilling life.
The fears that prevent people from fulfilling their desires are mainly five. I state that we will talk about fears of normal intensity, those that activate a negative inner dialogue made up of a sequence of: "I can't because...". We will not talk about phobias or fears that need medical treatment.
Fear of dreaming.
There are people who, due to the education they received or the type of life they lived, have stopped thinking big. These people consider themselves mediocre, not deserving of extraordinary successes and their conviction is so strong that they do not even allow themselves to be able to daydream. They believe that this is a privilege reserved for others. These people are usually very practical, have a pragmatic attitude towards life, and spend most of their days emptying their to-do lists. Of course, it's all in their mind. We all have the ability and the right to dream big. Only pursuing big dreams leads to a dream life.
Fear of failure.
Failure, especially in Western culture, is seen as a defeat, something to be ashamed of, and a judgment on the worth of the person. In adults, then, there is a widespread belief that not reaching a goal on the first attempt means that you are not suited to achieving it. Experience, on the other hand, teaches us that failure is the greatest of masters and everything that is truly worth it is built on heaps of failed attempts. Failing today is the best way to succeed tomorrow.
Fear of succeeding.
It may seem counterintuitive, but many people are terrified of the idea of achieving what they want. These people have spent a lifetime pitying themselves for what they have not achieved and what they believe they will never get. If they were to really achieve what they want, they would have to change their role, they would have to live a different life of which they do not know the rules, and which would force them to reinvent themselves. For them, this is scary. They don't want to grasp how rewarding life can be and how happy it can make them. They refuse to see how much easier life will be compared to the present one.
Fear of judgment.
Having to face the judgment of others is one of the fears that most often inhibit people. This fear shows up even before people begin to seriously think about committing themselves to fulfill their desires. This is because the judgment they will have to face will begin as soon as they show their intentions. For many people, the judgment of others means being accepted. And if these "others" are particularly important people, such as parents, the fear of their judgment overlaps with the feeling of being a child that lives up to expectations. However, often the judgment that others give is much more tolerant than what some people give to themselves, and this is good because with a little help, all of this can be overcome.
Fear of fatigue.
This fear is perhaps the one of which there is less awareness. Sometimes, people who decide to fulfill their greatest wish are frightened by the fatigue they will have to go through. The idea of having to start something today that will need a prolonged effort to obtain (perhaps) results in the future demotivates them and make them give up even before starting. But even the longest of journeys begins with a single step, followed by another and another. With constancy and focus on the present moment, one day, you could look back and be surprised at how far you have come.
All fears are both big and small, depending on how we build them in our minds, but they all have one thing in common: they can be overcome. Overcoming fear does not mean eliminating it but acting despite it. I know how difficult it can be, but the good news is that you don't have to do it yourself. Today there are professionals prepared to accompany people on their journey to success. Professionals capable of assisting anyone who wants to transform desires into goals, actions, and results, overcoming fears, and building an unstoppable journey toward a life of full satisfaction.
Luca Berni, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Luca Berni is an Executive & Team Coach that works with Leaders, Top Managers, Entrepreneurs, Boards of Directors, and Leadership Teams. Before becoming a Coach in 2009, he worked as a Manager in different Multinational companies in different Countries for almost twenty years. Luca also works as a management consultant, he co-founded and runs TheNCS The Neuroscience Coaching School, and he writes articles and books about Coaching and Management.
