Switching Spots On The Couch ‒ Practicing Vulnerability As A Therapist In Therapy

Written by: Nicole Lobo, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

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Does it sound strange that a therapist themselves might attend therapy? What would you think about them and their ability to practice if you found out your therapist was in therapy? This article discusses the normalcy and importance in taking ownership of your therapy experience, as well as normalizing a therapist attending therapy. Here are my inner thoughts of a millennial therapist attending her own sessions and “switching spots on the couch” with their client.

As I write this article, I am sitting outside on my deck at 6 pm on a Tuesday night. I just wrapped up my fifth and final session of the day, and I’m wiped. It’s a combination of being burnt out by life, annoyed with the pace of my work, and the lack of stability I am currently feeling. Call it anxiety or call it perfectionism, there is something unsettling about summertime as a therapist.

Given the past two wild years of COVID and the demands this pandemic has placed on our mental health system, I really shouldn’t complain about the decline in busyness in my practice. However, I can’t help but feel a sense of failure when my clients inform me that they are taking some space from therapy over the summer. Why, I wonder? Well, I’ve done my job and that means there is a normal shift in the demands of my clients during their therapy journey! They are sustaining their symptoms, they are using their strategies, and they are feeling confident to tackle life’s stressors independently. This has forced me to consider my needs as a therapy client myself and how I might need to unpack these feelings in my upcoming session.

I have been attending therapy since graduate school. After all, a core competency to practice as a therapist is to ensure you are maintaining your own mental health and self-care goals. But I can’t help feel strange approaching my therapy sessions as a client compared to how I approach my therapy sessions as a therapist. While my needs in therapy stem from perfectionism, anxiety, and overwhelm being a COVID bride and constant house-hopper, I am realizing that I am almost faking it with my therapist. Guilt sets in. I wonder if she knows I’m faking it...

As a therapist, I pride myself on my non-judgemental, comfortable, open, casual, and person centred approach to care. I connect with my clients as a human, not just as a professional and I encourage them to feel as comfortable in my office as they might find themselves at home. When I come into my own sessions as a client, I recognize that I may have the same connection with my therapist, however, I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable with her. When I switch spots on the metaphorical therapy couch, I can’t help but reflect on how challenging it is to be vulnerable with this stranger on the screen. I want to cry, I want to express my frustration, but I feel stuck in tapping into that desire. In an act of connecting more with my therapy experience, I’d like to share some ways in which I am practicing vulnerability as a therapist in therapy.

1. REFLECT ON YOUR NEEDS & GOALS AT EACH SESSION

As a private practice therapist, I ask my clients to show up to their sessions with a goal or intention for our appointment. I often ask the question: “what would you like to get from our session today?” Therapy is unique to each person, and life is happening all the time between appointments. As a person-centred therapist, I value bringing life into the conversation and understanding real problems shaping these real people. To ensure we stay on track throughout this process, I value reflecting on my needs and goals between appointments to make sure I am reaping the benefits of my experience and asking my therapist to stay on track with me.

One of the major things that differentiates fit in therapy is in how much work both you and your therapist put into achieving your goals. It’s unrealistic to expect your therapist to read your mind and know what you need, while it’s unrealistic for your therapist to expect you to fit their mold.

It’s the 21st century and modern mental health has changed. Here are some ways I attend to my needs and goals before going into my therapy session:

• What caused me stress or anxiety between appointments that I would like to walk through with my therapist today?

• What am I feeling walking into this appointment?

• How can I be vulnerable with my therapist today?

• What do I need to get out of today’s appointment to feel successful?

Being vulnerable requires a purpose. We need to know what we need to be vulnerable with our therapist in a genuine and authentic way. By reflecting on our needs and goals, we are better able to find the clarity and direction we are looking to achieve in our sessions.

2. CHECK IN WITH MY BIAS

As a therapist, I am so easily able to turn off the judgement knob and tune into someone else’s story. But strangely, I am finding it challenging to tune into myself and my feelings without judgement or bias. If I reflect on my anxiety, I easily trigger perfectionism and become critical of my emotions rather than open to why they are there. If I reflect on my anger, I easily go into logic mode and justify my anger and forget to understand and justify why the anger is present.

To check in with your bias, is to tune into your true self. Picture yourself and your presenting needs as being separate from you, almost as if you were talking to a friend, family member, or child. What would support look like for this person? How would you talk to them compared to how you are talking to yourself? What advice would you share with them that you are holding back from yourself?

By tapping into ourselves, we are allowing compassion to come through where bias normally lies. We are providing permission for ourselves to experience love, acceptance, a listening ear, a caring perspective, and a professional lens.

3. ASK MY THERAPIST QUESTIONS

Being a therapist in therapy doesn’t mean you know all there is to know, which means you may have questions for how your therapist can better support you or meet your needs when you are feeling stuck in your process or thoughts about therapy. Here are some questions you might ask your therapist:

• Can we chat about my goals for therapy and if we are still a fit in meeting them?

• I feel stuck in my progress in therapy, can you help me unpack that?

• Do you have any tools for me that might help me become more vulnerable in our sessions?

• Are we still a fit in working together in your opinion?

• How often do you recommend I come in for a session?

I hope these reflections and realities of a therapist as a client have helped you to normalize the therapy struggle and understand the importance of therapists being in the shoes of their clients too. As a therapist, my goal has always been to destigmatize and improve accessibility to mental health care, thus my importance in sharing this article. It’s a vulnerable act to share your story about being a therapy client as a therapist, but if this helps at least one reader, it has brought its purpose.

Are you interested in accessing more therapy tips and support? Check out my Instagram page where I post weekly mental health tips and tricks!

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Nicole Lobo, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Nicole Lobo, is a millennial psychotherapist, business coach, and mentor for current and future therapists. Following her own struggles with accessing mental health care as a teen, Nicole seeks to create a modern, comfortable, and safe environment for millennials and modern couples to access quality and reliable mental health care. She also supports therapists starting and growing their own private practices to support those wishing to embrace business ownership. She is the CEO of Be Well Therapy Studio, a boutique mental health clinic offering psychotherapy, mentorship, and business consulting to individuals in North America. Her goal is to modernize, destigmatize, and normalize the mental health experience.