Should I Create Boundaries?
Written by Karlissa Wise, Clinical Social Worker
Dr. Karlissa Wise is a Clinical Social Worker who works with individuals who struggle with anxiety, depression, and life transistions.
Do you question if you should create boundaries? Do you find it hard to maintain boundaries? Creating boundaries can be difficult for some, especially if you are used to being a people pleaser. Boundaries are limits we create for others and ourselves. Boundaries are needed to maintain a healthy mental state. When there is a lack of boundaries, it can increase stress levels, anxiety, and even depression. Unsure if you need to create boundaries, here are a few signs that you should.
Signs that you should create boundaries
Experiencing irritability
Do you find that you become irritable or short-tempered after agreeing to do something you did not want to do? This means you need to create a boundary. Becoming irritable or short-tempered are signs that, inside, you are not happy regarding a decision you made or a decision someone else may
have made for you. Creating a boundary is needed to reduce the irritable feeling you are experiencing.
Feeling regretful
Do you wish you would have said no instead of yes? Now, you are going to a place that you really did not want to go to because you did not want to disappoint someone else. Regret is a sign that you should decline offers more often. You may find that when you feel regretful, you begin to overthink and replay the scenario in your head. This can increase anxiety. Remember it is okay to say no.
Find that you are feeling uncomfortable
You might find that you are putting yourself in uncomfortable scenarios or others are putting you in uncomfortable situations. Either way, feelings of discomfort can be reduced when you clearly define your personal limits.
Tips to create boundaries
One way to create boundaries is to find situations that have triggered you to feel irritable, regretful, uncomfortable, or any other emotion that does not sit well within. Ask yourself what happened, do you find yourself in this situation often, and why do you find it difficult to create boundaries? Next, process what you did in those situations and what you would like to do instead in situations that have inconvenienced you or caused you to overthink. Lastly, communicate your feelings assertively with others. Be careful to refrain from using aggressive communication when expressing your feelings. Often, people confuse assertive communication with aggressive communication. When aggressive communication is used, people can feel bullied, yelled at, and even unheard. When assertive communication is used, people feel heard, you are compromising, and your tone is appropriate. Healthy communication is a key component when creating boundaries.
Managing uncomfortable changes
Creating boundaries may not be easy. Especially if you are not used to standing up for yourself. You may feel guilty after creating a boundary. Guilt is a normal feeling to experience after setting limits. Additionally, creating boundaries may also change your relationship with others. Honor your emotions and process any uncomfortable changes you may experience. Journal your feelings, utilize your support system, and practice self-care to maintain balance during difficult times. Remember, creating boundaries is not easy, but it is essential.
Read more from Karlissa Wise
Karlissa Wise, Clinical Social Worker
Dr. Karlissa Wise is a Clinical Social Worker who works with individuals and couples in therapy. Dr. Wise is the founder of Wise Counseling & Consultation, LLC. Wise Counseling & Consultation focuses on providing clients with coping strategies to manage stress and different life challenges. Her goal is to continue helping others in need of mental health services.
