It's All About Love – What Science And Psychology Does Not Teach You About Love
- Feb 23, 2023
- 4 min read
Written by: Maxime Bonnasserre, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Love is a broad topic. We see it in many courses, classes, masterclasses, behavioural science & psychology studies, etc. The list is long, and rightfully so one may say since it’s the essence of our existence! We all want to be loved and to love!
February is the month of love, although we can all declare that we do not need Valentine’s day to remind us of the importance of loving and giving an act of love! I do not wish to focus strictly on the love that emanates out of relationships here! How about we shift gear and look at what gets in the way of the love we seek!
The Obvious but Misunderstood
Imagine a beautiful relationship! Let’s say you're into this relationship and a special moment is happening.
You look deeply in your partner's eyes and naturally there it comes…”I love you”! Perhaps apply this scenario to a person you are just starting to go out with! After a few weeks or months of dating, that same moment is there and you whisper those same words: “I love you”!
What is happening to you in that moment so that you may share these three powerful words!?
Everything you are feeling from what your senses are picking up is moving you so deeply that you are sharing your love! Reread that last sentence please; because it is crucial to a deeper understanding of what gets in the way of feeling love and giving it!
Let’s go back to this wonderful moment we were talking about earlier. Imagine that the setting is perfect! You like the place you're at, perhaps your favourite restaurant, a mountain top after a hike on a sunny day, the comfort of your home; you’re relaxed, so is your partner and the energy is loving! You're about to say I love you because this is just how you feel and then… your partner says something that makes you feel weird inside! How are you feeling now about saying I love you!?
Hence it is fair to say that when you do not feel love, it’s because you are blocking it! Love is always there, at any moment, but our mind and emotions are getting in the way of feeling it and expressing it!
Who’s the “I” in … I love you/this/that.
When you study the ancient wisdom text, religion or theology, oftentimes you’ll see a distinction between the Self and self!
Self with a capital “S” is your higher Self. The Stoics would call it your daimon! It’s the divine part of you, the one that sees and acts virtuously.
The self with a small “s” is its opposite! The lower part of you that is driven by your ego, the needy part, the demanding and victimized self!
As my friend David Emerald, author of The Power of TED would say: “You can be a victim or a creator in life!”
Now why am I sharing this? Well, I see the “I” in I love you (or I love this or that), under the same lens as the self with a big “S” or a small one! When you love something or someone, you might be coming from the big I or the small one!
If you need the person or the situation to be in a specific way so that you may love it, you're doomed! Your love will always be conditional and so your joy and happiness. We create our inner wars!
How can I feel loved more?
The answer comes in many different messengers: Jesus, Buddha, great Saints and Masters and people like you and me that have awakened to this truth:
Love what is!
This is the title of one of Byron Katie's books! Let me briefly introduce a story about this that will bring the point home.
I was fortunate enough to be coached by Byron once in a 1:1 setting. I expressed difficulties in my marriage and we worked around that! One of her final words always stayed with me:
“Father your wife”
That’s an odd statement many would say! But we have to go a little bit deeper and see it from another perspective, just as we need to do with the scriptures. There is always a hidden truth and message lying around!
In this case, she meant: Love unconditionally! Just like a father or mother would do with their child!
Hence dear souls, I will invite you to reframe every opportunity to love yourself, somebody else or a situation with this in mind! Are you open enough not to use your small “s” or “i” in the midst of what is in front of you?
Love every moment as it is or make it better by your love! 🙏💜
Maxime Bonnasserre, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Maxime (Max) Bonnasserre is a life coach, spiritual teacher, speaker and writer. Not a guru, nor a master, he’s a simple loving man that got to free himself from his own worst enemy … himself!
His soul journey had him go through common themes: unworthiness, difficulties in relationships, financial struggles, pursuit of titles, money, possessions, a lack of meaning and faith.
It is the hero's journey through healing, growing and trust that saved him and that can help you! Inspired by ancient wisdom and spirituality, his teaching and coaching are simple but transformative. Meant to inspire and guide you towards more inner peace, freedom and love. Find him here!
