Is Your Child’s Inner Chimp Taking Control?
- Apr 17, 2023
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 12, 2023
Written by: Karen Cruise, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
At Flourished Minds, we’ve noticed more children and young adults struggling to manage their feelings and seeing a real drop in self-confidence.
Using the theory behind the best-selling book The Chimp Paradox, we call this critical voice the inner chimp. There is an inner chimp in all of us. It’s the pesky inner voice that makes us doubt our abilities or wants to react with emotion rather than logic or reason.
In children and young adults, we can see this inner chimp show up as:
Not putting their hands up in class because they’re worried they’ll be laughed at
Fear around trying new things or going to unfamiliar places
Thinking they are not good enough
Believing they ‘can’t help’ feeling angry or anxious.
There’s A Chimp In All Of Us
Unfortunately, we can’t always stop those negative thoughts that the inner chimp creates. This is because the inner chimp is trying to alert us to danger and protect us. However, if your child is struggling to manage the emotions or negative thoughts their inner chimp creates, there are ways you can help.
Help Your Child Meet Their Inner Chimp
Initially, Professor Steve Peters wrote The Chimp Paradox to help adults. However, the theory is so popular and universal that he wrote a follow-up designed for children aged between 2 and 11 years old, called My Hidden Chimp. In this book, he recommends a few tips to help children meet, recognise and understand their inner chimp. You can do this too, by following these five steps;
1. Recognise The Inner Chimp Talking
When your child speaks negatively about themselves, such as saying ‘I can’t or ‘I’m not good enough’. Recognise these feelings and ensure you can actively listen to what your child is saying.
2. Introduce The Chimp
Explain that those negative thoughts or feelings aren’t who they really are. Instead, it’s their inner chimp that’s trying to protect them from danger but is accidentally getting in the way of their success. They may think that they will always think/act/behave that way. But they don’t have to if they don’t want to. They can tell their chimp to be quiet if they want things to be different.
3. Explain The Chimp
The best way to explain the chimp is to think of the brain as being split in two. On one side, you have the sensible side of the brain that makes good decisions and likes to think before acting. On the other side, you have a little mind monkey that doesn’t think. Instead, it’s very excitable and reacts to what it feels at that very moment.
4. Create A Chimp Character
Each person has a different chimp in their mind, and it might whisper different things. Ask your child what their chimp says. Could they draw their chimp? Give it a name? Create a personality for their chimp?
On the other side, what does their sensible brain say? Does that side that makes good decisions have a name and a personality?
5. Talk To The Chimp
The next time your child says something negative, it can help to ask them which part of the brain is talking. Does the sensible side of the brain think that people will laugh if they put their hands up in class? If it’s the chimp talking, how could the child respond? For example, they could say, ‘Thanks for reminding me that it’s scary to put my hand up, but my sensible brain knows that nothing bad will happen.’
It is important not to be critical of the inner chimp. After all, it is trying to help. But sometimes, it alerts you to a danger that isn’t really there.
Remember, this is just as useful for adults as it is for kids! Have you named your inner chimp yet?
Karen Cruise, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Karen Cruise is an expert in life coaching for children and young people. She was written off at school and left with no qualifications. Despite this, she had a successful corporate career as a senior leader, passed her GCSE's aged 52, achieved a university degree and is the founder and CEO of a successful, award-winning social enterprise, Flourished Minds. Her company focuses on supporting young people to excel; improving their confidence, self-esteem and self-belief and helping them to realise their fullest potential. Her mission: To help every child to tap into their wonderful uniqueness.
