How Can Partners Be Supportive After Baby Arrives?
Written by Anna Rodney, Doula and Childbirth Educator
Anna Rodney is the owner and founder of Chicago Family Doulas and Birth and Baby University. She is a leader in the perinatal field and a trusted resource for expecting families and perinatal professionals.
Recently, at a prenatal meeting, a partner asked, "What should I do for my wife once I return to work?" I helped him compile a list of the most appreciated gestures and supports that will be needed postpartum and during the transition back to work. Partners typically want to be helpful. With so many unknowns and feeling overwhelmed, it can be difficult to navigate. After supporting thousands of families during pregnancy and postpartum, here are my top tips for supporting your partner or wife after they have their baby and how to prepare for your transition back to work.
Make food, food, & more food
Mom is feeding the baby, so you need to feed her. If she is breastfeeding, she needs about 2,500 calories a day. She needs two types of food: snacks and meals. Foods that need the least amount of preparation and can easily be eaten, most likely with one hand while she holds the baby. Make sure the fridge and cabinets are stocked and that you take some time to learn about which foods are best for postpartum. Check out the book, The First Forty Day: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother. Take some time on the weekends to make meals and freeze them so mom can easily reheat and eat them throughout the week.
Before you leave for work in the morning, set up breakfast and some snacks for the day. Organize a meal train of people that can drop food off for her. Please remember that just because she is home all day with the baby does not mean she has had time to make dinner! Some days may go amazing and she will have a beautiful dinner on the table awaiting your arrival. Some days, you may come home to her in tears and wondering why she hasn’t showered in 3 days. She is at the whim of a tiny human that can do nothing for themselves. Be compassionate. Order food when needed and make sure to care for your baby while she eats so she can eat with both hands!
Learn how to soothe your baby
New moms have a lot on their minds. Did the baby eat enough? Are they pooping enough? Is the baby breathing? Is this the right formula? Am I producing enough milk? Will I ever sleep more than 2 hours at a time? And the list goes on. Sometimes they need a break. Make sure you can care for your baby without having to pass them back to mom every time they cry.
The ultimate rookie dad guide to newborns, The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Partner's Purpose are great resources. These skills will allow you to take baby more often. Some great times are in the morning when you get ready, so mom can sleep an extra 30 minutes. Another great time is when you come home so she can have a moment to herself. You can also help with the last feed of the night, so your wife can head to bed early. There are many moments that are helpful. She deserves a break!
Check-in often and surprise her
Check-in on her needs throughout the day. Ask her specific questions about what she needs. If she is feeding the baby, does she need you to get her water or her phone? Surprise her: set up a baby feeding station for her before you leave. Put a filled water bottle, some snacks, and a phone charger next to where she sits to feed the baby. Text her throughout the day to see how things are going. Staying home can be isolating, and sometimes, she may need a bit of adult conversation or just someone to listen to every little thing the baby does. Surprise her when you come home with flowers or grab dinner from her favorite place to eat.
Background feeding support
This is dependent on if your family is breastfeeding or bottle feeding, but there are many behind-the-scene jobs partners can do. Obviously making a bottle and feeding the baby is helpful, but also learning about sterilizing and storing breast milk or formula is important too. Washing and sterilizing pump parts, bottles, nipples, and pacifiers is very helpful. Watch breastfeeding and latch how-to videos online, and go with her to see the lactation consultant (or be there when the lactation consultant comes to visit). Take a Breastfeeding and Bringing Home Baby course prior to your little one’s arrival. Sometimes, moms need another perspective to help gently guide them with getting their baby latched on well.
Hire a postpartum doula
Lastly, consider hiring a postpartum doula to come in and help while you're away or for a few overnight shifts a week. Many families describe doulas as worth their weight in gold! They offer help with the baby, mom, and the entire family and household (that includes meal prep, cooking, light cleaning, and laundry). This support not only helps create a smoother transition postpartum but can also help you gain confidence in your new role as a parent.
For more helpful tips and to gain an understanding of pregnancy, birth, and baby, attend our classes!
Read more from Anna Rodney
Anna Rodney, Doula and Childbirth Educator
Anna Rodney is the owner and founder of Chicago Family Doulas and Birth and Baby University. She has been a leader in the perinatal field for over a decade, and continues to grow her offerings in order to support more families and to help her colleagues grow. She supports thousands of expecting and new families each year through both of her businesses. She is a passionate leader and a force of change and inspiration for families and birth and postpartum professionals.
