Healing Your Heart After Narcissistic Relationships – Learning to Love Again
- Brainz Magazine
- Nov 3
- 4 min read
Written by Nazoorah Nusrat, Holistic Life Coach
Nazoorah Nusrat is a holistic life coach, mind-body practitioner, and founder of Clarity Coaching Energy. Through NLP, somatic healing practices, and heart-led alchemy, she helps people reconnect to their souls, release limiting beliefs, and heal from burnout, trauma, and toxic relationships.
We often talk about leaving the narcissist, but rarely about what happens after. The quiet ache, self-blame, and longing to understand what love truly feels like. In this article, holistic life coach Nazoorah Nusrat explores the deep work of healing your heart, mind, body, and spirit, recovery that helps you forgive yourself, rebuild trust, and remember what safe, genuine love really is.
You don’t just walk away from a narcissistic relationship, you walk away from the illusion of love you thought you had. At first, you might feel relief. Then the silence hits, and what follows isn’t peace, it’s the echo of self-doubt, guilt, and heartbreak. You replay every moment, asking yourself why you stayed, why you gave so many chances, why you ignored the voice that told you the truth. Healing your heart after narcissistic abuse is not just about letting go of another person. It’s about coming home to yourself, your body, truth, and to a new definition of love that no longer costs your peace.
The heart-mind disconnect
Narcissistic relationships leave you emotionally disoriented. You begin to confuse intensity with intimacy, chaos with chemistry. Neuroscientist Dr. Helen Fisher explains that romantic love activates the same reward circuits as addiction. Dopamine, serotonin, and adrenaline flood the system. When love is intertwined with manipulation or control, your brain becomes addicted to the highs and lows. The love you crave becomes the very thing that keeps you anxious. The healing begins when you teach your body that calm is love, not boredom. When you stop chasing the rush and start craving safety, your nervous system begins to unlearn trauma’s rhythm and rediscover love’s quiet truth.
The pattern of over-giving
Most empaths in narcissistic dynamics share a painful pattern, over-giving. You see their potential, their pain, their inner child, and you keep offering more love, hoping they’ll meet you halfway. You give 5, 6, 7 chances, thinking maybe this time it will be different. But as Dr. Nicole LePera notes, what we call forgiveness in trauma bonds often masks self-abandonment. You override your intuition to preserve attachment. Healing means making peace with the part of you that kept giving, not punishing yourself. You didn’t fail, you loved deeply. Now, your task is to redirect that love inward.
Journaling prompt: “When have I said yes when my body quietly whispered no?”
The science of a broken heart
Heartbreak is not just emotional, it’s physiological. Research from the University of Arizona and the HeartMath Institute shows that emotional pain can disrupt heart rhythm, hormone balance, and immune function. It’s why heartbreak literally aches in your chest, and why self-compassion practices can steady your pulse. When you focus on gratitude or loving-kindness meditation, your heart rhythm becomes coherent, a synchronised state that improves mood, energy, and mental clarity. In other words, healing your heart emotionally heals your heart physically.
The art of self-forgiveness
One of the hardest parts of healing after narcissistic abuse is forgiving yourself. You might blame yourself for staying, for not seeing it sooner, for hoping against hope. But here’s the truth, you were not naive, you were hopeful. You believed in love. Positive psychology research shows that self-forgiveness reduces shame, lowers cortisol levels, and increases emotional resilience. When you forgive yourself, you create the internal safety needed for true healing.
Mantra: “I forgive the version of me who thought love required suffering.”
What to do and what not to do
What to do:
Feel your grief fully. Do not bypass it with busyness or denial.
Practice heart-focused breathing. Imagine inhaling calm and exhaling compassion.
Surround yourself with softness, safe friends, music, nature, and your own company.
Keep a proof of love journal, moments that remind you love still exists (a child’s laughter, a sunrise, a safe hug).
What not to do:
Do not rush to prove you are healed by dating too soon.
Do not shame yourself for missing them. That is withdrawal, not weakness.
Do not label yourself broken. You are healing, and healing has no timeline.
When you’re ready to love again
You’ll know you’re ready when your heart no longer races at the thought of love. When peace feels more attractive than passion. When someone’s consistency makes you exhale instead of question.
Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, writes that secure love feels like home, it soothes the nervous system, and supports growth. That’s the goal. Not butterflies. Not fireworks. Just a steady, kind, safe love, the one you first learn to give yourself.
Final reflection
Healing your heart isn’t about finding new love, it’s about remembering what love actually feels like, calm, expansive, alive. It’s the warmth of sunlight on your skin after years in the dark. It’s your own heart whispering, “You’re safe now. You can rest.” You are not healing to prove you survived them, you’re healing to return to yourself. And that is the greatest love story of all.
Read more from Nazoorah Nusrat
Nazoorah Nusrat, Holistic Life Coach
Nazoorah Nusrat is the founder of Clarity Coaching Energy. With over 20 years of experience in health and wellness, she supports people moving through grief, burnout, or identity shifts to reclaim their clarity, confidence, and inner calm. As a reflexologist as well, Nazoorah blends science, spirituality, and soul to help her clients reconnect to their truth. Having moved through and healed from narcissistic relationships and dynamics, Nazoorah is passionate about emotional alchemy, sacred leadership, and creating spaces where people feel seen, heard, and empowered.
References:
Fisher, H. (2004). Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.
Carnes, P. (2019). Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships.
LePera, N. (2021). How to Do the Work.
HeartMath Institute (2017). The Science of the Heart.
Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
Johnson, S. (2013). Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships.
