From Good Girl to Fierce Leader: An Exclusive Interview With Jacqueline Young
Brainz Magazine Exclusive Interview
Jacqueline D. Young is a former CEO, keynote speaker, leadership consultant, and founder of The MindShift Coach. With more than 35 years of experience across education, executive leadership, counselling, and human development, her work explores why capable, self-aware people can understand their patterns and still struggle to change them.
She is the creator of the MindShift Leadership Method and the Calm Authority framework, and the author of the forthcoming book Fierce. Drawing on her own experience of a difficult turning point in executive leadership, she helps people examine the habits that shape how they respond to pressure, responsibility, and the expectations of others.
In this interview, Jacqueline reflects on the childhood adaptations we can carry into leadership, why midlife can invite us to reconsider success, and how learning to pause, set boundaries, and trust ourselves can change the way we lead.
Jacqueline D. Young, Founder of The MindShift Coach
You spent decades leading organisations and supporting others through change. What led you into the work you do today?
I would not say I was inspired as much as I needed to understand what had happened to me.
I had a very successful career in education. I loved working with educators, developing leaders, and flattening the organisation. Towards the end of my career, however, I spent a little over two years in a work environment that felt deeply unhealthy and, at times, quite toxic.
I felt as though I had to defend myself every day. I would walk into public meetings knowing there were people who seemed intent on undermining me. What I could not understand was why I felt so dysregulated. I thought of myself as resilient, so why could I not simply get through it?
That question led me into learning more about the relationship between the body, mind, and spirit, and particularly the unconscious mind. I wanted to understand the responses I was having and why I could not think my way out of them.
It was not a journey I would wish on anyone, but I am grateful for where it has taken me. Now, one of my strongest motivations is to reach people before they experience the kind of collapse I did, so they can recognise what is happening and take care of themselves earlier.
You describe Jacqueline Young's journey “from good girl to fierce leader.” When can being dependable and accommodating begin to come at a cost?
Many of us learn early that being helpful, watchful, and accommodating is a way to feel safe, valued, and loved. We become very good at noticing what other people need, sometimes before they have even said it aloud.
I work with many women, which is why I use the phrase “good girl,” but men can develop these patterns too. We all find ways to fit into the environments in which we grow up.
Those adaptations can become leadership strengths. You may be sensitive to how people are feeling, attentive to the group, and skilled at taking care of others. The difficulty comes when you begin doing that at the expense of yourself.
You notice that whenever something is asked of the group, everyone stays silent and you raise your hand. You are exhausted, yet you keep picking things up.
Eventually, there can be a reckoning. You realise you cannot continue in the same way, or your body forces you to stop. What matters is paying attention when those first thoughts of dissatisfaction appear, rather than immediately overriding them.
Why can midlife become such an important turning point, even for someone whose life looks successful?
Midlife gives us an opportunity to look back while we can still look forward.
You may have spent years working towards particular goals, building a career, raising a family, or managing the busyness of life. Then there is a moment when you raise your head and ask, “Where am I in my own life?”
For some people, that happens as their children become more independent and the nature of parenting changes. For others, it comes through questions about work, relationships, or what they want the next chapter to hold.
You may have checked every box and still find yourself asking, “Why does this not feel as satisfying as I thought it would? What was success supposed to feel like?”
For women, the physical changes around menopause can also be part of that period of reassessment. But the opportunity to take stock matters for men too.
I see midlife as a gift in that sense. It creates space for thoughtfulness about what we have built, what we still want, and how we wish to spend the years ahead.
You use the phrase “the child who became the leader.” How did you recognise that connection in your own life?
I grew up with an alcoholic father, and I learned to freeze or fawn when I felt unsafe. Those were ways I had adapted to my childhood environment.
Years later, when I was preparing to go into difficult board meetings, I would find myself bracing. My palms were sweating, my stomach was unsettled, and I struggled to catch my breath. In the meetings, I could find myself freezing or becoming accommodating rather than responding in the strategic way I wanted to.
It was only afterwards, with time, rest, and reflection, that I recognised how familiar those feelings were. This was how I had felt as a child.
That connection was pivotal. In the moment, I had simply known I did not feel safe. I had not understood that I was returning to responses I had learned much earlier in life.
That is a focal point of my work now: helping people explore how the ways they once learned to protect themselves may still influence how they respond under pressure as adults.
Responsibility, independence, and attention to detail are often praised in leaders. How can we recognise when those strengths are becoming costly?
Pay attention when you feel as though you are constantly approaching a breaking point.
The difficulty is that we applaud people who work hard and keep all the plates spinning. Many of us also enjoy being that person. We are good at it, we are used to it, and the energy of managing everything can feel familiar.
Then someone suggests that we need to put something down, and that feels completely against the grain.
For a lifelong overachiever, perfectionist, or people pleaser, leaving a task on the table can be uncomfortable. You may need to say, “That is not important right now,” or, “That belongs to someone else,” and resist the urge to pick it up anyway.
I used to take my computer home every night and work after my children were asleep, sometimes until two in the morning. That was what I understood hard work to look like.
One thing I appreciate about younger people entering the workplace is their willingness to protect balance. They are challenging expectations that many of us accepted without questioning what those expectations were costing us.
Why can we understand our patterns so clearly and still struggle to change them?
In my work, I look at the responses that happen beneath conscious thought.
We like to believe that if we understand something intellectually, we should be able to think our way out of it. But a response that developed as a way to feel protected in childhood can reappear before we have had time to make a deliberate choice.
That interest in the unconscious mind is what led me to become a certified master hypnotist. I wanted to explore the patterns people could recognise but still found difficult to shift.
Insight matters, but I also work with people on what happens in the moment: how they recognise that they are becoming overwhelmed, how they ground themselves, and how they create space to respond differently.
What is one practical way to interrupt a familiar response when we feel overwhelmed?
Start by recognising what is happening and taking a moment.
There are different ways to ground yourself. You might bring your attention to what you can see, hear, or smell around you. You might pause and take a few slow breaths.
The important thing is to find an approach that helps you return your attention to your body and the present moment.
I describe this as a pattern interrupt. You notice, “I am feeling overwhelmed,” and pause before continuing with the response you would usually make.
That pause gives you an opportunity to become more thoughtful about your next step. It is something to practise, so you begin recognising the signs as you move towards feeling overwhelmed, rather than only noticing them afterwards.
What does your Calm Authority framework look like in everyday leadership?
Calm authority is about recognising that authority can be thoughtful, practical, kind, and consistent.
I work with individuals and small groups, including executives whose roles involve significant pressure. The process brings together learning and practice. We look at what is happening in their particular work environment, try different approaches, and reflect on what worked or where they struggled.
That includes setting boundaries and learning to leave responsibilities on the table when they were never yours to pick up.
We also spend significant time exploring guilt, shame, and fear. People can often name those feelings. They can say, “I feel guilty,” or, “I feel ashamed,” but they may not have the tools to understand what those feelings are telling them or how to move through them.
The aim is to help someone respond with greater steadiness and intention in the situations they actually face at work.
How can leaders begin setting boundaries when they are used to feeling responsible for everyone else?
Recognise that a request made in the moment does not always require an answer in the moment.
You can say, “I need a little time to think about that. I will get back to you,” and give a timeframe. That creates a pause so you can consider what you want to commit to, rather than automatically saying yes.
It also helps to practise a few simple responses. “I do not have the time right now.” “That is not something I can take on.” Or simply, “No.”
Then comes the part many people find hardest: stop talking.
When someone looks disappointed or surprised, we often rush to fill the silence. We explain, apologise, and offer a long story about why we cannot help. But their discomfort does not automatically create a responsibility for us to change our answer.
Practise saying those words aloud at home. Notice your expression. You can communicate calmly and hold your face neutrally, without looking as though you are apologising or preparing for a fight.
The practice matters because you are giving yourself another way to respond. You are learning that you can answer clearly and allow the silence afterwards to exist.
“It's not your responsibility to fill the silence that comes after your no.”
Your forthcoming book is called Fierce. What does being “fierce” mean to you?
I love the energy of the word, but people sometimes associate it with being loud, obnoxious, or cruel. For me, it means being strong in where you stand.
FIERCE is an acronym: focused, intentional, embodied, regulated, clear, and empowered.
Being focused and intentional means considering what you want to say, how you want to live, and who you want to become. Being embodied includes understanding how you feel and how you want to show up. Being clear involves understanding your own intentions and communicating them to others.
Together, those qualities support a sense of empowerment: standing tall and strong, without apology.
I often think of the protective energy of a mother bear or a lioness. Many women know how to direct that energy towards other people. There is an opportunity to begin extending that protection to yourself.
When you look closely at the qualities within FIERCE, there is a softness to them too. The strength comes from bringing them together.
What will readers find in the book?
The book explores many of the things we have discussed: unconscious patterns, the ways they influence us, and what it means to become focused, intentional, embodied, regulated, clear, and empowered.
There are exercises readers can work through, including practices for regulation and opportunities to examine what each part of FIERCE means in their own lives.
It also explores the connection between mind, body, and spirit. Many people feel untethered. They may not have a community or a clear sense of what connects them to something larger.
That sense of connection will look different for different people. It might come through family, a belief in a higher power, or an understanding of their own purpose.
I want to make room for people to explore what helps them feel grounded and connected, and what gives meaning to the next chapter of their lives.
For someone who recognises themselves in this conversation, what is one first step?
Begin paying attention to the signs you have been overriding.
If you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or as though you are always close to a breaking point, take those feelings seriously. Notice when you are about to volunteer for something simply because nobody else has spoken.
You can start with a pause. You can practise a different response. You can give yourself time to decide.
One of my strongest motivations is to help people recognise these patterns before they reach the point I did. Having that understanding gives you an opportunity to make a different choice about how you work and live.
Jacqueline’s work invites leaders to look beyond the habits that have made them dependable and successful, and to consider what those habits may be costing them. Through her leadership work and forthcoming book, "Fierce", she encourages a more thoughtful relationship with responsibility, boundaries, and self-trust. Her message begins with a practical invitation: pay attention, create a pause, and consider what you want to carry into the next chapter of your life.
