Forgive Them for They Know Not What They Do
- Jun 13
- 5 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
Written by Guy Van de Putte, Spiritual Guide & Mentor
Guy Van de Putte works as a guide for those looking for help navigating life's challenges or finding themselves at a crossroads. Blending shamanism, breathwork and constellation therapy with the non-dual and yogic traditions, he has a wide toolkit to support the power of presence and the healing words to accommodate lasting change.
It might be one of the best-known sentences from the Bible: “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.” These are the words uttered by Jesus on the cross that inspire yet confuse many of us still today. How can you forgive those who have literally killed you? It feels impossible and even unjust. Forgiving is letting them win, letting them get away with whatever injustice they have inflicted upon you. How can they be held accountable if you forgive them? You can’t be a pushover, right? It’s important to set boundaries.
It’s perfectly fine, and even necessary, to set healthy boundaries to prevent whatever happened from happening again. Forgiving is not allowing it to happen again. It’s not a free pass for others to hurt you, step all over you, or treat you however they want. But the resistance to forgiveness is a wall you’ve built for yourself to protect you from ever getting hurt like that again, from ever being treated like that again. Walls aren’t boundaries. They often get confused. A wall is there to protect you; it comes from a place of feeling powerless. A boundary comes from strength and trust.
You’re the main recipient of the grudge you still carry. They’re probably just living their life, maybe not even remembering. All the anger you’re feeling, all the sadness, and any other emotions still associated with the event(s) that occurred are being felt by you. You’re experiencing all the effects from it. As long as you hold onto it out of spite, out of an idea of justice, or because you don’t want to let them off the hook, you’re really only hurting yourself. You’re making life more difficult for you. So you don’t forgive them for them. You don’t even have to speak those words to them. You’re doing it for you, for your life, your wellbeing, and your future. It’s the ultimate gift you can give yourself.
The main forgiveness that’s needed, however, is not towards the other but towards yourself. A big part of the grudge you hold onto is directed towards you, but easily projected onto the other. Where did you give more than you got back? Where did you allow your boundaries to be flagrantly disrespected? Where did you act out of character, for whatever reason? Maybe you’ve been giving more than you wanted to. Now you stop. Enough. It’s the final drop, and whatever they ask of you now will receive a firm “no.” You’re not even seeing clearly at the moment. The past is influencing your decisions now.
Nobody can act out of their level of consciousness. Therefore, whatever they did, whatever you did, was the best both they and you could do at that moment in time. I know how “easy” that sounds, how much resistance that usually causes. But look back on your life. Look back at those painful moments and encounters. Yes, you would act differently now. Good. That means you learned from them. There’s no time machine, however, no way to reverse the events. I can guarantee you that if there were a time machine, you would do the same things again, speak the same words again, because it has to stay fair. You can’t take what you learned back in time. So in the same circumstances, and with the same events you experienced in your life before that moment, the conclusion would be the same. Not because you’re stupid, but because you didn’t yet have the insight, the lesson, the consciousness to act differently. You needed the event or experience to learn that. If that applies to you, how could it not apply to another? We’re all products of our surroundings, our upbringing, and our life events. We live, we learn, and we move on.
Ask yourself that question and answer it fairly. Could I have acted differently? Maybe you knew you shouldn’t have. That’s okay. It’s not just about the knowledge. It’s also about the courage, the strength, and the trust to follow your gut feeling at that moment. Once you fully realize and accept that neither of you could have handled it differently, forgiveness is actually no longer needed. What replaces it is understanding. So free yourself from your past. That’s what forgiveness is. So you can welcome a brighter future. A lighter future. Stop carrying it around. Learn from it. Don’t let yourself get hurt over and over again by people who showed you they are not capable of treating you the way you deserve. But don’t judge them for it. They’re doing the best they can, and sometimes that doesn’t feel like a lot. No need to take that upon yourself. Leave it with them.
To forgive is to release the past. You can’t force it nor just say you forgive. It has to come from a deeper place. From realizing and understanding that things couldn’t have gone any other way at that exact moment in time. You can’t change how someone decides to treat you. But you can let them show you and reach your own conclusions on how and if you still want to allow them in your life. Stay open for a sincere apology. Maybe they have learned from it as well. Then let the past be the past. There’s no need to dig it up over and over again. Bring light to the shadow it casts over your present so you can have a different future. You can cast people out of your life, but if you’re holding on to them and your mutual story, they’ll be more present than they could ever be in physical form. That’s not what true inner freedom is about.
Read more from Guy Van de Putte
Guy Van de Putte, Spiritual Guide & Mentor
Guy Van de Putte works as a guide for all those looking for help navigating life’s challenges or finding themselves at a crossroads. His passion is helping people who are ready to wake up go beyond the stories and patterns that unconsciously run their lives, thereby helping them debunk the lies they told themselves that are at the root of all the drama in their lives and take back the power over their own lives. So the old wounds from the past can be permanently healed and a new life of true freedom can emerge out of that. A fulfilled life in service of and in harmony with their true calling.
