Five Steps to Daily Happiness
- 14 hours ago
- 7 min read
Edmund is a counsellor, psychotherapist, trainer, consultant, and founding director of Rosny House Limited. With over twenty years of experience in high school education, including leadership roles in pastoral care and subject management, he blends psychodynamics with business and education to deliver effective and positive change.
It’s just turned two o’clock in the afternoon, and you’re meant to be working. Instead, you’re doomscrolling on your phone, wasting time until you must face that deadline. Life could be better, but it’s eat, sleep, work, repeat. Does this sound familiar? You’re not alone. Many people wonder if there is a purpose to their everyday lives beyond just going through the motions, and this is not a new challenge. In this article, we are going to explore five simple steps that will help you see each day in a different, purposeful light, leading to happiness and fulfilment.
What is the point of all of this?
When we are searching for happiness in our lives, the starting point is purpose. When we have a sense of meaning and purpose to work towards, then our days have direction rather than just being ends in themselves. Having a long-term goal can be a powerful focus, leading to ambition and striving for success. But what happens if life situations get in the way? What happens if we’re dealt a bad hand or are just unlucky? Humans have always wrestled with the question of purpose, and one of the most profound answers comes from an unexpected place, the life of a wounded soldier in 16th-century Spain named Ignatius of Loyola.
Inigo de Loyola was born into a noble Spanish family in 1491. Like most Spanish nobles, his priorities in life were quite clear, become a great soldier, achieve riches and fame, build a strong reputation, and marry a beautiful woman, maybe a princess. This was all going according to plan until he was involved in the Battle of Pamplona against the French. During the battle, while defending the besieged town, he was badly injured by a cannonball.
Who was Inigo?
After the battle, he was taken home to recover from his permanent injuries. During that long convalescence, Inigo realised that his previous ambitions and goals were no longer achievable. At a time before modern entertainment and distractions, all he had to read was a book on the lives of the saints and of Christ. He would use his imagination to picture himself in biblical scenes and with saints. He realised that these daydreams brought him a sense of contentment and fulfilment, a sense of consolation and happiness. When he went back to daydreaming about being a powerful and successful nobleman, the sense of happiness was fleeting, leaving a sense of desolation. Over the next few years, still ambitious, Inigo wanted to become the best possible person he could be, striving to be the best Christian. After many trials and errors, he realised that happiness can be found through daily reflection on positive and negative interactions that occur during the day, consolation and desolation. This led to the formation of the Examen.
What is the Examen?
The Examen is a reflective meditation that is best experienced around midday. Although Inigo, later known as Ignatius of Loyola, became a Catholic priest and founded the Jesuit order, the Examen can be seen through both religious and secular eyes and has become a means of experiencing consolation and a daily sense of happiness for many people around the world. From a psychological perspective, the Examen functions as a daily emotional audit. It trains the mind to notice patterns, regulate emotional responses, and align behaviour with personal values, all of which are strongly associated with long-term wellbeing. Let’s look at the main sections of this process through a secular lens:
1. Gratitude
For what am I grateful today? The first step to feeling happier is recognising the good things that we have in our lives right now. Our minds will naturally begin to focus on the positive aspects of our day, putting us in the right frame for thinking about effective change.
2. Settling and becoming present
This is about taking a moment to slow down and become aware of the present moment. It is about noticing your breathing, your body, and your mental state. The aim is to create enough calm and focus to reflect honestly rather than reactively. Being in touch with how you feel in the moment is grounding.
3. What stands out?
This is the main part of the Examen and is all about using your imagination to play back your day as if it has been recorded. By rewinding to the point of getting up that day, you can then notice the sensory experiences, the words spoken and heard, and the feelings during those moments from wake-up to the present moment. As you look back on the day, it is an opportunity to notice that which stands out, the experiences that bring consolation and a deeper sense of lasting happiness and fulfilment. These are positive, life-giving moments. It is helpful to notice the emotions felt at these times. This is also an opportunity to become aware of the moments when your responses didn’t align with your values or intentions. This may include avoidance, unhelpful coping strategies, or actions you regret. The emphasis is on understanding rather than self-criticism. Such moments perhaps leave you with an experience of desolation.
4. How can I be more committed?
Having examined the day so far, and based on what you’ve noticed, this is a moment to reflect on what matters most to you. Consider how you might respond differently next time in similar situations. Set one or two realistic intentions for the near future.
5. Is everything balanced?
The final step is a quick check-in on feelings. It is an opportunity to gauge how positive you are feeling and whether there is anything unbalanced. If there are imbalances, then it is a moment when constructive effort can be made to focus on moving forward by learning and improving. The goal is to leave the reflection feeling oriented, grounded, and forward-looking.
Practice makes perfect: An example
Like any reflective activity, practising this daily and making it part of your routine will increase its effectiveness in leading to a sense of peace and happiness. Many people use the Examen during lunch breaks or after work to reset their emotional state before entering the next part of their day. When I taught young people in high school, I would use the Examen as a reflective activity at the start of the first class right after the lunch break. I would get the young students to reflect upon their day so far while listening to some peaceful, gentle, and inspiring music. I include below a modified version of the kind of script that I use.
1. Gratitude
Take a moment to relax. Listen to the music and be aware of the sounds in the room, made by yourself and others. As you become relaxed, think about what you are grateful for in your life right now. Perhaps it's family or friends, or something else. What are you grateful for right now?
2. Settling and becoming present
Take a moment to slow down and become aware of your breathing. As you take a deep breath in, remind yourself of the life-giving oxygen that’s entering your lungs. As you breathe out, notice that the carbon dioxide is leaving your body. Continue to notice your breathing and imagine the positive feelings associated with breathing in and the negative feelings leaving you as you breathe out. Take a moment to feel the ground beneath your feet. What does it feel like through your shoes? Feel the weight of your body on the chair as it supports you. Notice this grounded and connected feeling.
3. What stands out?
I invite you now to think back upon your day so far. How were you feeling when you got up? Were you looking forward to the day ahead? Were you worried about anything? What conversations did you have, if any? What were they like? What did you have for breakfast, if any? Did you stay at home or travel to work? If so, what was the journey like? What do you remember? What was your morning like? What kind of interactions did you have? How was lunchtime? Did you spend it alone or with others?
As you reflect upon your day, what stands out as good experiences that brought a sense of peace and contentment? What made you feel good about yourself in a selfless way? What brought consolation?
Similarly, were there any moments that were not so good? Perhaps someone said or did something that left you feeling down or angry. Did you perhaps say or do something that was not so good? Was there a selfish moment or a loss of control? Did anything leave you with a feeling of desolation?
4. How can I be more committed?
Having thought about your day so far, how can you avoid the things that lead to you feeling down, negative, or angry? Perhaps you can interact with others differently. Perhaps you can make choices that are more selfless. What can you do differently that will lead to happiness?
5. Is everything balanced?
Finally, is there anything still feeling unbalanced? What might this be? What can you say or do that will help to bring more balance and peace to your life? Perhaps you could reach out to others, either to heal or be healed.
Moving forward
As you practise this technique, you may find that you begin to notice patterns in your behaviour. This can be helpful in identifying potential barriers to daily happiness and is the first step in overcoming such hurdles. Sometimes these barriers can be related to our own defence mechanisms that are designed to keep our psyche safe but can sometimes become unhelpful as we progress through life. This is where counselling and psychotherapy can be helpful in learning more about ourselves and increasing self-empowerment.
You can find out more about the work that I do in this area here. You can also find out more about the Examen at The Examen | Jesuits in Britain.
Happiness isn’t found in grand achievements but in the small, daily moments of awareness that shape who we become. The Examen teaches us to notice those moments and to choose them intentionally.
Read more from Edmund McKillop
Edmund McKillop, Counsellor and Psychotherapist
After studying philosophy and theology, Edmund McKillop trained to be a high school teacher. Early in his career, he became curious about the emotional interactions in the classroom and their effect on the educational experience. This led to a study of psychodynamic counselling. Fast forward twenty years, and Edmund now runs his own successful private practice and consultation service, using his unique skills and experience to transform the lives of individuals and enhance business and education performance.
