Dressing for Who You Are Now, Not Who You Used to Be – An Interview with Stephanie Vaughan
For personal stylist Stephanie Vaughan, style became more than clothing after she was diagnosed with young-onset Parkinson’s at 41 and spent nine years keeping her diagnosis hidden. Her experience transformed the way she helps women reconnect with their identity, confidence, and visibility through what they wear.
In this interview, Stephanie explores why midlife wardrobes can feel disconnected from the women who own them, how to move beyond restrictive fashion rules, and why dressing authentically starts with understanding who you are today.
Stephanie Vaughan, Personal Stylist
What first made you see personal style as something deeper than simply choosing the right clothes?
My own experience really changed the way I understood personal style. I was diagnosed with Young Onset Parkinson’s at 41, when I was a mum to three young children, and I kept my diagnosis hidden for nine years. I was afraid people would see Parkinson’s before they saw me.
During that time, I became very good at using clothes as armour. I could put together an outfit, walk into a room and look confident while hiding what was really happening inside me.
The irony was that I was working as a personal stylist, encouraging other women to express who they truly were through their style, while I wasn’t doing that myself. At times, I felt like a fraud.
When I finally shared my diagnosis at 50, I began to understand that style can both hide and reveal who we are. That changed everything for me. Today, styling isn't simply about what looks good. It’s about identity, intention and helping a woman feel confident enough to let the outside reflect who she truly is on the inside.
When a woman no longer recognises herself in her wardrobe, what do you look for before making any styling recommendations?
The first thing I look at isn't her wardrobe. It’s her life. I want to understand what has changed and where she is now. Midlife can bring so many transitions: our bodies change, children grow up, careers evolve, relationships shift, menopause changes how we feel physically and emotionally, and our priorities can become completely different.
Yet our wardrobes don't always evolve with us. I also listen very carefully to the language a woman uses about herself. Often, she will tell me what she thinks she should wear before she tells me what she actually enjoys wearing.
So before talking about colours, body shapes or clothes, I want to know: How do you want to feel? How do you want to be seen? What feels missing? What parts of yourself would you like to express more?
That gives me far more information than simply looking inside her wardrobe. Once we understand the woman we are dressing, we can begin making intentional choices that reflect who she is now rather than simply fixing what she thinks is “wrong” with her clothes.
How do you help a client dress for who she is now rather than for a past version of herself?
Our wardrobes can become little time capsules. They hold clothes from different bodies, careers, relationships, lifestyles and stages of our lives.
Sometimes we keep those pieces because we genuinely love them, but sometimes we're holding onto the woman we were when we wore them.
I never want a client to feel she needs to reject that woman. She is part of her story. But I encourage her to become curious about whether those clothes still represent who she is today.
One question I love is: “If you saw this in a shop today, would you still choose it?”
That can be incredibly revealing. Instead of focusing only on whether something still fits physically, we explore whether it still fits her identity, lifestyle and how she wants to feel.
Then we look forward. What feels exciting now? What makes her stand differently or smile at herself in the mirror?
The goal isn't to recreate a younger version of herself. It’s to create space for the woman she has become, and perhaps the woman she is still becoming.
Why do you think the idea of dressing “age appropriately” still has such a strong hold on women over 40?
Women receive so many messages about becoming less visible as we age. We hear that certain hemlines are too short, colours are too bright, trends are too young, arms should be covered, hair should be shorter, there seems to be an endless list of rules.
Over time, those messages can become our own internal voice. We stop asking, “Do I love this?” and start asking, “Am I allowed to wear this at my age?”
I think that’s incredibly limiting. I prefer to talk about dressing authentically and intentionally, rather than dressing “age appropriately”. Context matters, of course. What we wear to work, a wedding or the beach may be different, but age alone shouldn't determine whether something belongs in our wardrobe.
Midlife doesn't erase our personality. If anything, I think it can be a wonderful opportunity to understand it more deeply.
So rather than asking, “Am I too old for this?”, I encourage women to ask, “Does this feel like me? Do I feel good in it? Does it reflect the woman I am now?”
Those questions create freedom rather than rules.
Where does the styling industry get confidence wrong when it relies too heavily on rules, colours or capsule wardrobes?
Colour analysis, body-shape guidelines and capsule wardrobes can all be useful tools. The problem comes when the tools become rules and women start believing there is a “correct” way to dress.
You can know your perfect colour palette, understand your proportions and own a beautifully curated capsule wardrobe and still look in the mirror and not feel like yourself.
Confidence isn't created by following somebody else's formula. For me, styling should give a woman greater trust in herself, not make her dependent on an expert to tell her whether she's getting dressed correctly.
I want my clients to understand why something works for them, but also to have permission to break the so-called rules when something brings them joy or feels authentically theirs.
Ultimately, I think personal style should be exactly that, personal. The goal isn't a perfect wardrobe. It’s a wardrobe that supports your life, reflects your personality and makes getting dressed feel easier and more enjoyable. When a woman can choose something because she genuinely loves how she feels in it, that is confidence.
What is one sign that a wardrobe is reflecting an old identity rather than a woman’s current life?
One of the clearest signs is something I hear all the time: “I have a wardrobe full of clothes, but nothing to wear.”
Often, she doesn't actually have a clothing problem. She has a disconnect between the woman represented in her wardrobe and the woman living her life today.
Perhaps her wardrobe was built around a corporate career she has left, a body she had ten years ago, a lifestyle that has changed, or an image of herself she no longer relates to.
The clothes may be beautiful. They may even still fit. But they don't feel relevant anymore.
Another clue is when a woman repeatedly wears only a tiny percentage of what she owns. Those pieces she reaches for are telling us something about who she is now, while the rest may be telling the story of who she used to be.
I don't see that as a reason to throw everything away. I see it as an invitation to get curious. Your wardrobe should evolve as you do. It should support the life you're actually living, not keep you tied to one you've outgrown.
How can someone begin dressing more intentionally without replacing most of what she already owns?
Start by shopping your own wardrobe before buying anything new. I encourage women to pull out the pieces they wear repeatedly and ask themselves why. Is it the colour, comfort, shape, fabric or simply the way they feel when wearing it? Those favourites contain valuable clues about your personal style.
Then look at what you aren't wearing, without judging yourself for buying it. Ask why. Does it need altering? Is it difficult to style? Does it belong to a lifestyle you no longer have? Or does it simply not feel like you?
From there, experiment with what you already own. Try combinations you've never worn before. Change the shoes, add a belt or accessory, roll a sleeve, play with proportions or wear something you've been “saving for good”.
I also suggest taking photographs of outfits you love. You start building your own visual reference rather than looking outside yourself for inspiration every morning.
Intentional style isn't about constantly consuming more. It’s about understanding yourself well enough to make better use of what you already have, and making future purchases with purpose.
What has your own journey with visibility taught you about the difference between being seen and simply being noticed?
I've learnt that being noticed and being seen are very different things. Being noticed is about attracting attention. You can wear a beautiful outfit, walk confidently into a room and have people notice you without actually allowing them to know very much about you.
I did that for years. After my Parkinson’s diagnosis, I could present a polished, confident version of myself while keeping an enormous part of my reality hidden. People could see me, but I wasn't allowing myself to be truly seen.
When I shared my diagnosis at 50, visibility took on a completely different meaning. I realised being seen isn't about telling everyone everything or becoming the loudest person in the room. It is about allowing what you show the world to feel congruent with who you actually are.
There is vulnerability in that, but also enormous freedom. That experience now shapes the way I work. I don't want women to dress for attention or approval. I want them to feel comfortable occupying their space without shrinking, disguising or editing themselves.
To me, true visibility is being able to say, quietly and confidently, “This is me.”
What would you like women who feel they have lost part of themselves to understand about the way they choose to show up?
I would want them to know that they may not have lost themselves at all. They may simply have stopped recognising themselves.
Midlife can bring enormous change. Our bodies change, children grow up, relationships shift, careers evolve and our priorities can look completely different. Sometimes we're so busy adapting to everyone and everything around us that we stop asking ourselves, “Who am I now?”
I don't believe the answer is trying to get back to the woman you were at 30 or 40. I think there is something much more powerful in becoming curious about the woman you are today.
Style can be one gentle way to begin that reconnection. Wear the colour you're drawn to. Put on the earrings you've been saving. Stop keeping your favourite clothes for “something special”. Notice what makes you feel more like yourself.
Clothes won't solve everything, and I would never suggest they do. But getting dressed is something we do almost every day, which gives us a small daily opportunity to choose how we want to show up.
You don't need to become a new woman. You can begin by allowing the woman you already are to be seen.
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