Building Better Men Through Identity, Character, and Purpose – An Interview with Ebony McNeil

Ebony McNeil is a leader, therapist, and founder of The Forge of Reading, an organization dedicated to helping men develop their identity, character, and purpose from the inside out. Through years of leadership experience, mental health work, and personal reflection, Ebony has explored the connection between identity, emotional intelligence, accountability, and the way men show up in their homes, workplaces, and communities.

In this interview, Ebony shares the personal experiences and observations that led to the creation of The Forge, why identity must come before achievement, and why many men struggle to find spaces where they can be transparent, challenged, and supported. He discusses the importance of brotherhood, emotional growth, and redefining what healthy manhood looks like in today's society.

Through his work, Ebony challenges men to look beyond expectations placed on them, understand who they truly are, and become intentional leaders who positively impact the people and communities around them.

Ebony McNeil, Men's Mental Health Enthusiast, Life Coach and Non-Profit Leader

What inspired you to create The Forge, and what need did you feel wasn't being met for men?

During the Coronavirus disease (COVID-19), I realized how much we were missing genuine human connection. I was fortunate to spend that time with my wife and family, but I also recognized how much I missed the exchange of wisdom, perspective, and accountability that comes from being around other men. It made me realize that this wasn't just a COVID-19 issue – it was something many men were already experiencing every day.

Men need other men to help carry life's pressures. Too often, we avoid placing those burdens on our wives and children because we don't want to appear vulnerable or add to their stress. As I looked around our community, I saw countless organizations dedicated to supporting women and children, yet very few spaces intentionally created for men. Outside of church, there were almost no places where men could gather, grow, be challenged, or simply have honest conversations. Unless a man was fortunate enough to have a mentor, he was often left to navigate life's pressures and insecurities alone. That realization became the foundation for why I started The Forge.

You've worked across corporate leadership, operations, and therapy-related environments; what lessons have shaped the way you approach men's mental health today?

My journey through leadership and, especially, my work as a therapist gave me the opportunity to better understand the psyche of men. I realized that many men carry expectations and burdens they never asked for. Society places a unique weight on men, and while that isn't a complaint, it is a reality that often goes unrecognized.

We spend a lot of time talking about communication and leadership skills, but we rarely talk about emotional intelligence or being secure in who you are. Throughout my leadership roles, I often had to put the needs of my organization and my team before my own. Those experiences, combined with working with clients, showed me that many men were struggling with the same internal battles.

That became my mission: helping men become better versions of themselves so they can lead well at home, in their churches, in their workplaces, and throughout their communities. I believe effective leadership begins with identity. Until a man understands who he is, addresses his struggles, and develops emotional intelligence, he cannot fully become the leader he was created to be.

You often talk about identity before achievement. Why do you believe that order matters?

I believe identity comes before achievement for one simple reason: achievement without identity can lead you to succeed at things that were never meant for you. A person can earn awards, build a career, and accomplish great things, yet still feel unfulfilled because they were chasing someone else's definition of success instead of their own purpose.

When someone understands their true identity, they begin to move with intention. They know what aligns with their values, what direction they should pursue, and how their decisions will impact those around them. Identity becomes the filter through which every opportunity and every challenge is evaluated.

When we're not secure in who we are, we often make decisions based on applause, status, or expectations rather than purpose. Those choices may earn recognition, but they don't always bring fulfillment. That's why so many people experience a midlife crisis or emotional burnout – they realize they've achieved everything they thought they wanted, yet still feel empty inside.

At The Forge, we believe identity must come first. When identity is established, achievement becomes meaningful because it's rooted in purpose, not just performance.

Conversations around men's mental health have become more visible in recent years. Where do you think the conversation is moving in the right direction, and where is more work still needed?

The conversation around men's mental health is definitely moving in the right direction, but I'd like to see a greater focus on how it impacts our young men. Many of the unhealthy beliefs and behaviors we see in adult men didn't start in adulthood – they were learned early and passed down from generation to generation.

I believe we need to invest more intentionally in men over 35 by creating spaces where they can be transparent, heal, and break cycles they've been taught to carry their entire lives. At the same time, we must invest just as heavily in young men, especially those between 15 and 25, by giving them a healthier definition of manhood.

Right now, too many young men are influenced by the manosphere and messages that reduce masculinity to status, money, or dominance. We need to flood the culture with a different image – one that celebrates character, integrity, emotional intelligence, accountability, and purpose. When young men consistently see examples of honorable men leading their families, serving their communities, and living with integrity, those become the role models they aspire to become.

You describe brotherhood and accountability as essential to growth. Why are those elements often missing from men's lives today?

True brotherhood, the kind of fellowship we cultivate at The Forge, naturally creates accountability. Unfortunately, both are often missing because many men fear being transparent. Without transparency, you can never fully see yourself or allow others to truly see you. Without that clarity, it's difficult to make the changes necessary for real growth.

That's why it's so important for men to surround themselves with other men who are committed to growing and willing to be honest about their own struggles.

Many men hesitate to have those conversations with their wives or children because they feel the pressure to maintain the image that they always have everything together.

True brotherhood creates a space where the mask can come off. It's a place where men can openly discuss their fears, pressures, failures, and victories without judgment. More importantly, it's a place where they are loved enough to be held accountable. Accountability isn't about criticism; it's about care. Without it, we naturally drift back into the same habits and patterns that held us back in the first place. Growth happens when transparency, brotherhood, and accountability work together.

For a man who wants to become a stronger leader at home, what's one habit you believe makes the biggest difference?

A man who wants to lead well at home must first master his own identity and understand his value. Leadership begins with knowing who you are because that shapes how you respond to your family, your responsibilities, and life's challenges.

He must be willing to communicate openly, take ownership of his decisions, and have the humility to apologize when he's wrong. Too often, people view apologizing as weakness, but I believe it's one of the greatest demonstrations of strength and maturity. A strong leader leads through discipline, consistency, and example, not pride.

He must also learn to communicate when he feels hurt, disrespected, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Too many men suppress those emotions until they eventually explode, causing unnecessary damage to the people they love or leading to impulsive decisions they later regret.

Healthy leadership at home isn't about being perfect – it's about being present, accountable, emotionally aware, and intentional. When a man is secure in his identity and communicates with honesty and humility, he creates a home built on trust, stability, and respect.

When someone struggles to be vulnerable because they see it as weakness, where is a healthy place for them to begin?

There may not be one specific place every man can turn, but I believe every man needs at least one trusted friend or a genuine men's group. Those environments create the openness, accountability, and support that many men have been missing for years.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned through building The Forge is that far more men struggle with insecurities, fear, and vulnerability than most people realize. The difference is that many of them have simply never been given permission, or a safe place, to talk about it.

When men feel isolated, they often carry those burdens alone until they make decisions that create even greater consequences. Sometimes all a man needs is someone willing to listen, challenge his thinking, and offer a different perspective before he makes a life-changing mistake.

That's why building authentic communities of men is so important. When men know they are not alone and have people who will both support them and hold them accountable, they are far more likely to heal, grow, and become the leaders their families and communities need them to be.

How has being a husband and father of four boys influenced your definition of strength and leadership?

Leading my home as a husband and father has taught me several lessons that have shaped both my life and The Forge.

First, it taught me that my actions affect far more than just myself. My sons are watching everything I do, and they will imitate my actions long before they imitate my words. That's why, when I make a mistake or overreact, I apologize to them. I want them to understand that apologizing isn't weakness, it's strength. It also teaches them to extend grace to others by first seeing it modeled in their own father.

Second, leadership has taught me the importance of sacrifice. There are days when I'm tired or mentally drained, but showing up for the people you love isn't optional. A husband and father must be willing to put the needs of his family ahead of his own comfort.

Finally, raising four boys has taught me the importance of allowing each person to grow into their own identity. As parents, we often have ideas about who our children should become, but our role is to nurture who they were created to be.

That lesson has also shaped how I mentor men – helping them discover their identity instead of trying to become someone else's version of success.

If every man walked away with one lesson from your work, what would you hope it would be?

My hope is that every man discovers and grows into his true identity. I want every man to understand that becoming the best version of himself isn't something he has to do alone. It requires brotherhood, transparency, accountability, and the confidence to remain true to who he is, even when that means standing apart from the crowd.

I also want men to know that they are not alone. So many men believe they have to carry life's pressures in silence, but healing and growth begin the moment they allow others to walk alongside them.

Once a man is secure in his identity, everything else begins to change. He becomes a better husband, father, friend, employee, leader, and member of his community because his decisions are no longer driven by approval; they're driven by purpose.

That's the vision behind The Forge: helping men discover who they were created to be and surrounding them with a brotherhood that will encourage them, challenge them, and walk beside them as they become the men they were always meant to be.

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