5 Things To Focus On When Raising A High Achiever
- Nov 24, 2022
- 5 min read
Written by: George Thorman, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When my son was starting kindergarten in the middle of a global pandemic I felt panicked. Not because I feared he would get sick, but because I feared that he would not get the education he needed to be successful. Despite having worked in personal development for over ten years, I found myself falling back on my family’s guide to success instead of listening to the science.
My father has six siblings. All of them hold advanced degrees and/or are business owners. If we measure success by personal achievement, every single one of my aunts and uncles is successful. When I was growing up, my local cousins and I went to the same grade school. Education was emphasized as the path to achievement. Getting a college degree, particularly an advanced degree (like the JD or the PhDs held by my uncle and aunts), practically guaranteed a job, a comfortable income, and the ability to do something worthwhile.
The myth of education prevails as conventional wisdom. There is this lie that a degree, especially one from a prestigious school, is how our children will become successful. While many people cite the institutions of education as the pathway to success, I think it’s not the education itself but the traits developed in the pursuit of it that makes the difference. Science agrees.
If you’re a parent like me and hoping to raise a high achiever, the latest research says these 5 things are the ones to focus on:
1. Grit
In her book, Grit, Angela Duckworth shares her research findings on what predictors were accurate when questioning which candidates would survive West Pointe’s famed “Hell Week”. Duckworth was surprised to find that the student's GPA didn’t matter. Whether they attended a public or private school didn’t matter. Their prior level of physical fitness didn’t matter. She found that only the grittiest students survived. The young adults with the highest amounts of resilience and stick-to-it-ness were the ones that made it through.
If you hope to achieve any level of success, you have to be prepared to see things through to the end. Especially if it becomes difficult. Often people see great challenges as a sign that they shouldn’t continue. Or they quit when it gets too hard and they are pulled too far outside their comfort zone. Grit is about being comfortable with the uncomfortable, the deep trust in oneself to know that you can face whatever comes, and the determination required to take it to a conclusion.
This attitude is exemplified in Michael Jordan’s famous Nike commercial ‒ “I missed over 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” That’s Grit.
2. Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the basis of good communication and collaboration. Communication is key in all our relationships ‒ at home, at work, platonic, romantic, familial, professional. Since no man is an island, we require collaboration in all areas of our lives as well. Whether it’s with colleagues on a project, a friend on dinner plans, or a spouse on a parenting plan, we collaborate with those around us all the time. Studies show that the most successful people have a high EQ (emotional intelligence) and that more often than not, a higher EQ score was more predictive of leadership roles than a high IQ sore. It’s not just what you know, it’s how you communicate it.
3. Curiosity
Curiosity is the antidote to the fixed mindset. Curious people tend to be lifelong learners. Lifelong learners are prone to innovation, exploration, grit, and high intelligence. Curiosity also tends to stir passion within us. If you’re looking for someone who is highly motivated and passionate, look no further than the most curious among us.
Thomas Edison’s famous quote sums up why curiosity is an important trait. “I didn’t fail. I learned 10,000 ways not to make a lightbulb.” Curious and gritty!
Famed author, Dr. Wayne Dyer, says that failure doesn’t even exist. It’s all just feedback and data. For those raising future leaders in STEM fields, this attitude is integral to pursuing greatness.
4. Self-Actualization
What is self-actualization? It’s “the realization or fulfillment of one’s talents or potentialities”. So, how do we do that? And how do we teach our children to do that? Abraham Maslow says that our base physiological, safety, love and belonging, and esteem needs to be met in order to pursue self-actualization. Which means that our children need food, water, shelter, clothes, love, connection, and confidence in order to realize the fulfillment of their potential. Over 20% of American children live below the poverty level and 45% live in very low-income families. When kids are dealing with food or housing insecurity, it’s very difficult for them to do anything because they are focused on survival. Helping our children thrive means providing them with the best stability that we can.
They also need to know the basics of self-care, as described in my previous article. Once they have their bodies and minds working at optimal levels, they are capable of expanding to become their best selves.
5. Optimism
As we face unprecedented problems in this world, we need to know that there are solutions. We can use our grit, our curiosity, our emotional intelligence, and show up as the best version of ourselves to be part of the solution. Belief, Faith, Hope, these are powerful emotions. We need to harness them in the form of optimism. If you don’t believe that things can get better, that challenges can be met, that foes can be conquered, then you likely won’t even try.
Optimism is what inspires us to keep trying, even when we meet with unexpected challenges. Edison believed the lightbulb was possible. He used curiosity, grit, and optimism to try 10,000 times before he finally got it right. It seems that optimism was contagious. Henry Ford used Thomas Edison’s old lab to create the V8 single-block engine ‒ a feat that his engineers told him was impossible. Not only did he make the engine, it was a top seller for 22 years.
There are many things that we inherit from our families that we want to pass forward to our own children. Like my father before me, I want to raise a high achiever. I genuinely believe that one person can make an enormous difference in the world, and I want my son to be one of those people. I know I’m not alone in my desire to see my child make a difference, have great success, and be a person of consequence. I want to avoid the pitfalls of placing high pressure on academic success, something science says doesn’t create the outcome that I want. Instead. I’m choosing to focus on the traits of grit, emotional intelligence, curiosity, self-actualization, and optimism.
George Thorman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Have you ever met a woman named George before? No? Then George Thorman has already changed your life. Helping people change their lives wasn't what she set out to do, but after EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) helped her heal severe PTSD she knew she wanted to use it to help others. Since 2011 George has been facilitating personal development through her work as a Thetahealing Master, EFT Practitioner, and Optimize Coach. George's mission is to help people become the best version of themselves. Though she has called many cities and countries home over the years, these days you'll find her in Kansas City, Missouri, USA with her husband, son, and pets.
