4 Tips To Share More Love And Less Overwhelm When Connecting With Your Elderly Relatives
Updated: Sep 7, 2023
Written by: Ilaria Storch, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We are two sisters and our mom, and she is in her eighties, and there is a funny dynamic when daughters and mothers interact, at whatever age – a bit of fun, and also bossy moods – we all seem to know better, and of course, when mother is right, we may take a couple of days to admit it – and then have a warm laugh at it.
I truly love the wise approach and direct contact of a woman who is totally oblivious to many tech issues (she has learned some things though), lives to paint canvases with real paint and hands on, believes and practices that a conversation is meant to be always warm, sincere, and eye to eye – and has a big picture overview of her life story, and also wisdom to focus more on what you can do now, today, than to find internal and external excuses; after all, she did leave her country, when she was only a very young girl, from Italy, on a ship, with her parents and siblings, and landed in south America heat.
She was always very independent and drove her car up to only a couple of years ago – so we find ourselves now in a place of learning, both ways. Here is what we found out helps keeping her joyful, grounded, and positive. These are four simple suggestions that can lead to good conversations about your relationship with the elderly in your family and grow your empathy and sensibility, both ways.
1. Asking them what they need, see if they mean what they say, and don´t assume things automatically
Life puts you in your most productive, busy, yearning for dreams and projects to consolidate and flourish years, at the same time that you will need the most patience, love, postponing some of your priorities, to care and help your parents – in our case, our mother. And I have to say she is truly amazing, positive, and even with a lot of back pain and other issues, she never, ever, complains – there you go – boom! Lesson one, she is teaching us to deal and solve, not complain!
So, when she feels well, believe it, and if you are not quite sure – ask gently if they need something, don´t boss around assuming they either want to stay at home, or go out, for example – sometimes our loved elderly need down time, while other days, they will be full of energy to go out with you.
Everyone has different tastes in food, about the weather and all, so ask them what they would like to eat, help them choose a delicious meal, and have fun choosing a suitable outfit to enjoy your time together, whether warm or cold. Keep it light.
2. Approach hearing issues in a delicate way
Hearing aids are quite controversial – some love them, others find them very complicated. As with every health issue, always see a doctor for the matter at hand. Many of our mother´s friends were wearing hearing aids, and she asked us to take her to a specialist, to try them on. It worked quite well for some time, yet as tiny little things that they are, they eventually got lost. So, we applied tip one: asking her if she wanted a new one – she did not – and if she was sure about this decision – she is, to this day. We did not run off automatically buying her another one, when she was saying she did not want to wear it anymore.
Nowadays, we must repeat sentences, and talk quite close to her, and phone calls are very creative and surprising. So, we asked her, how can we help you with this? What she does not want us to do, is talk louder, but clearer, yes, and she loves when we say, with all our heart, and we mean it, that it´s all okay, we are with her all the way.
3. Opening space for them to talk about their life stories, while helping them find something to look forward to, always
Make the most of when those stories from your childhood, or their own childhood, begin popping up – take a deep breath, smile, and have empathy – resist saying that you talked about that, one week ago. The interesting thing is that every time you will learn and hear something different, even with the same story – and the joy you will share is worth it. You can then steer the conversation to nice and fun plans for the next day, or weekend, and always nurture a loving sense of humor between you.
We are talking in this article about tips to improve your relationship with your elderly, in a situation where there is good enough health in body, mind and soul, and in any case, always see a doctor to understand how to take care, in the best possible way, of your loved ones.
As a Life Coach, I am here to inspire and motivate you with your relationship with yourself and others, and to grow as a person. As for medical issues always talk to a health professional.
4. Sharing how much you love them
This one is very important, as we go around cuddling babies and pets, and sometimes feel awkward about this with our aging relatives and parents. Always ask permission if you feel like hugging them – people forget how lonely it can sometimes feel, with family busy and working, friends passing away and they themselves becoming less independent. We are all humans; we all need attention and love. If you are not a hugger or a kisser, use kind, heartfelt words, and a nice gesture, like flowers, a little gift, a quiet lunch together, more phone calls, taking them to visit their friend for an afternoon. You will find what works for you both, I´m sure! Read this article with your elderly, your kids and family, start the conversation.
Remember – Life is Nomadic by Essence, make the most of it now.
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Ilaria Storch, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ilaria Storch, a Life Coach Nomad, is the creator of Life Coach Nomads, where she shares her passion for travel and for inspiring people everywhere to access their true center and find more connection and energy on the way to more joy, fun, and fulfillment. She practices that following your emotions, wrapped up in a personal structure that can connect your goals, desires, and love, is the path to all real and true growth. Wherever you are, change is nomadic by essence, and it takes time, support and starts inside you when you absolutely desire to develop yourself and move on. She has a Bachelor's Degree in Advertising, speaks many languages, won a Fashion Illustration Award during College, and loves coaching her clients towards their expressive life journey.
