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10 Ultimate Differences Between An Arrogant And Confident Partner

Written by: Jillian & Jan Yuhas, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

Are they arrogant or confident?


These two words seem to get interchanged quite often when understanding your partner’s demeanor and mindset. Yet, how they treat you can make all the difference in clarifying which one they fall under.


Arrogance can be seen as having an offensive attitude of superiority over their partner along with a grandiose sense of self. A partner who speaks from a place of insecurity will tend to talk above you or at you, making you feel inferior as a partner in the relationship. They believe in ME, not WE.


Confidence is seen as having assurance and self-reliance while speaking with conviction about a topic or subject. A partner who communicates from a place of value will be respectful and talk with you, engaging in a constructive conversation, even if you have a difference of opinions. They are all about WE, not ME.


Here are 10 Differences Between An Arrogant And Confident Partner:


1. Do As I Say, Not As I Do

An arrogant partner will tell you exactly what is on their mind but rarely has congruences based on their actions. Their words seem to hold little truth because they only focus on what they need to say to talk a big game, even though they will likely do the complete opposite a few hours later. Everything becomes a double standard in their book. If you act similarly, you are the one to blame for their inappropriate actions. They are great at flipping the script because they refuse to admit their mistakes or have it be brought to their attention. In fact, they will gaslight you until you give in to their demands.


A confident partner will have integrity when it comes to their words and actions. They are likely to express exactly what they feel and think, making them dependable and reliable partners. It is much easier to place trust in a confident partner because their actions align with their words. This type of partner will keep their promises without giving you false hope because they value what they have to offer and know the benefits of showing up as their best self.


2. Believes In Me, Not We

Arrogant partners are all about themselves because they lack confidence when it comes to being transparent and vulnerable. They live with deep-rooted fears making it challenging to connect since they don’t want to blow their cover. This type of partner will keep you at arm’s length distance, preventing a deeper connection. Being open about their feelings makes them uncomfortable underneath their mask because it allows them to play it safe. They constantly live in their heads, making it feel like there is a constant missing piece to the puzzle. And if you bring up your concerns and desires, they find a way to turn the conversation back around on them and what they want, leaving you unfulfilled.


On the flip side, a confident person will want to include their partner throughout their lifestyle. They have no problem honoring the relationship first and foremost, knowing that’s what it takes to have a healthy relationship with a partner. They look at solving disagreements in the relationship from a WE perspective instead of ME versus you. They are also willing to express their most vulnerable emotions to connect with their partner to increase their emotional intimacy. A confident will not shy away from being forthcoming in their intentions towards their partner.


3. Selfish With Their Time, Not Into Quality Time

Feel like you have to beg for their time? Anytime you ask, they already have plans or are too busy with work? An arrogant person is very selfish about who they spend their time with, and rarely will it include you in their plans, or if they do, it only includes what they wish to do. They enjoy spending the majority of their time with acquaintances because they need constant reassurance to feel alive. It is unlikely you will find this type of partner sitting at home alone with their thoughts, as they like to stay busy to avoid the void within themselves. And, since they already have you where they want you, they don’t feel the need to nurture the connection any further. They will make time when you are finally fed up with their selfish ways, but only to make you feel worthless because they will complain about what they are not doing with their friends.


When it comes to a confident partner, they value spending quality time together to keep the connection growing and staying healthy. They will want to go on weekly dates with you to strengthen the bond and keep things exciting on a romantic level. A confident person will not be overly needy but likely want to spend time together. They are committed to maintaining the emotional intimacy to go the extra mile with you.


4. Spends Money On Fun, Not Their Relationship

Bragging about their latest new toy or luxury goods? An arrogant partner will be the materialist type who will want to share on social media the newest purchases to keep up with all their friends. They will be in constant competition with everyone in their circle and including their partner, to show the world what they own. When purchasing a luxury watch or vehicle, they will go out of their way to talk about it with everyone. And, if their partner asks for a luxury good as a birthday or holiday gift, they will deny their request saying they can’t afford it. Their money is only for them and their entertainment. So, when it comes to keeping up the home, they will chip in on what they feel like is part of their contribution by splitting the costs or expecting their partner to pick up most of the tab.


You will rarely hear a confident partner talking about their latest purchases on social media or with their friends. They know their luxury goods are a reflection of their hard work, not for show and tell. This type of partner will also spend their hard-earned money on their partner and the relationship itself because they want to share their good fortune so they can enjoy life together. They will have no issue making the biggest purchases on the home front, knowing that the couple will get to experience it together.


5. Looks For Attention, Not Self-Assurance

Whether it is good or bad attention, an arrogant partner will be down for either. They get a rise out of embarrassing you, putting others down, or even complimenting a complete stranger for a reaction to toot their own horn. Everything revolves around their need to boost their ego for instant gratification while demoralizing your character, so they feel better about who they are. They are constantly looking for a reaction to see how far they can push the boundaries while making it all about them.


On the other hand, a confident partner feels self-assured with who they are without seeking attention from external sources. They carry themselves with a humble spirit and rarely feel the need to post on social media or hang with strangers to receive a compliment. Confident people feel secure with who they are and appreciate their close friends and family. They are all about building deeper meaning and purpose with those near and dear to their hearts.


6. They Are A Know-It-All, Not Open-Minded

An arrogant partner will pretty much feel the need to tell you everything with little regard to your perspective or opinion. They will argue with you until you are blue in the face by dominating every conversation you have with them. You will not feel valued or respected at all, as they believe they are smarter than you and know how to make the best decisions. While it may feel like they have superiority over you, they actually feel internally inferior, creating a power struggle. And, when it comes to a disagreement, an arrogant partner is likely to use a large vocabulary that talks above you or at you versus with you so they maintain control of the conversation to avoid vulnerability. And when you express yourself, they will emotionally reject your advice because they have already made their decision without you.


When it comes to a confident partner, they are very open-minded and use their active listening skills to understand their partner. They desire to share with each other while honoring the willingness to learn about each other for the greater whole of the relationship. Rarely do they think they are the smartest person in the room or relationship, even though they bring great value to their relationship. They believe a relationship is about two people working together while collaborating on decisions together in the best interest of the relationship. They are all about compromise and teamwork.


7. Treats Others Poorly, Not Respectfully

It seems like one rude comment after another because they feel emotionally out of control, and you are their number one bullseye’s target. No matter what you say, you are a threat, and they will make you pay for it. Underneath their manipulative tactics and rudeness, they feel powerless and unworthy of love. It may appear like the complete opposite on the surface because they think people owe them something. But, those who treat others poorly suffer from low self-esteem and lack confidence. They are great at firing off insults and belittling you for even trying to resolve your differences.


A confident partner will never forget their manners when interacting with others or their partner. They will treat their partner with the same regard in how they prefer to be treated in return regardless of status. This type of partner will be respectful of your personal boundaries as they operate from a place of value, not emotion. And when differences occur, they will direct their interests towards you, so you feel heard and understood to find common ground.


8. Communicates Conveniently, Not Mutually

Wondering how come it takes so long for them to respond to your text message or call back? An arrogant person will intentionally wait hours to respond, so they feel they have full control over the conversation. It is not about what works for the relationship, only when it is convenient for them. Sometimes an arrogant partner will stonewall you to avoid any deeper conversation because of the fear around being vulnerable or to prevent attachment. They can display signs of avoidant attachment style, making you feel disconnected in the relationship.


However, when it comes to a confident partner, they will be respectful of response time. They will communicate openly because they do not fear rejection or intimacy. They want to build a life together and get to know each other every single day, as they are committed to growing a partnership. They have no problem mending things to repair the relationship when differences arise to rebuild for a better connection. A confident partner will want to resolve and evolve, not avoid their partner’s needs.


9. Criticizes You For Their Faults, Not Self-Aware

If things are not going according to their plan, you will be the first to know about it. An arrogant person will feel the need to criticize their partner by nitpicking at what they didn’t do right that day around the house because they are not feeling their best. No matter what you do, right or wrong, in their eyes, nothing is ever good enough for them. This type of partner will take their anger and madness out on you by attacking your character, when really it is about the things they dislike within themselves. Usually, an arrogant person tells their story by poking fun at you for things that are outside of your control, like physical appearances, for the sake of blaming you for their shortcomings. And after a disagreement, you will have to be the first to reach out to them because they are okay at war with you.


A healthy, confident partner will bring out the best in you and support you when having a tough day. They are fully aware of when to give and take without neglecting themselves or the relationship. And if either of you are having a tough day, a confident partner will sit and listen and show concern to help make things better. This type of partner will want what's best for the both of you and lift each other.


10. Thrives On Sexual Intimacy, Not Emotional Intimacy

Everything is about sex, even when you’re at odds. An arrogant partner is constantly thinking about getting their needs met in the bedroom because it gives them a sense of power. Trying to dominate you with sexual advances even when things are uneasy between the two of you shows how little they care about your feelings. It is about their sexual satisfaction, not what’s healthy for the relationship. This type of partner feels a sense of entitlement, like they own your body versus making love to you in an emotionally bonding way.


When it comes to emotional intimacy, a confident partner knows this leads to more sexual exploration and lovemaking. They believe in diving beneath the surface to learn about each other in a romantic way versus hooking up for the sake of sex. Confident people know it is not all about seeking sexual pleasure when there is greater fulfillment through sharing heart-to-heart conversations, cuddling, kissing, and being in each other’s presence. They find the balance between physical and emotional intimacy for the greater whole of the connection.


If you are with a partner who appears to display traits of the former versus the latter in each section, you may want to consider whether your partner can meet your needs. Being in a relationship where your needs are not being met can be unfulfilling and even painful at times.


At the end of the day, you deserve to be with a partner who respects and honors the relationship as a whole, not just themselves.


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Read more from Jan & Jillian!

Jillian & Jan Yuhas, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Jillian Yuhas and Jan Yuhas, MA, MFT, CPC. When their needs with past romantic partners were ignored and clients requested services beyond their contracts at their first company, they knew there had to be a better solution to resolving differences in their relationships. Being empaths came with some hard lessons, which fueled their passion to create a method on how to resolve opposing views and evolve relationships to the next level. With Masters in Psychology, Certificates in Professional Coaching and Mediation, their professional and personal transformation led to them developing their signature coaching programs, Relationship Intelligence Method and Boundary Badass Program. Today, Jan and Jillian are International Relationship & Lifestyle Coaches and Boundary Specialists at Entwined Lifestyle who coach driven men and women on how to cultivate personal and professional relationships.

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