How To Stop Your Mom Guilt As A Small Business Owner
- Brainz Magazine
- Mar 13, 2022
- 5 min read
Updated: Mar 14, 2022
Written by: Linnea Etzler, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
A constant feeling of being a bad mom. At the same time, you love your business! Some moms tend to feel more guilt than others, regardless of how much time they spend with their children. I’ve coached stay-at-home moms with lots of mom guilt and women working 60+ hours without it. This article will walk you through 8 simple strategies to reduce your mom guilt.
Guilt is linked to empathy but getting rid of your guilt doesn’t mean you won’t have empathy. It means that you will replace the feeling of guilt with other feelings such as empathy, compassion, love; to take away that guilt part that does no good in your life.
1. Revisit your values
Many moms experience guilt over their working hours or their parenting decisions. So let’s get clear about your values and priorities in life. And start living in accordance with them! Most mothers say that family matters most to them. We’ve been socialized to think that way. But if we don’t live into that value, risks are high we’ll feel mom guilt because of it.
It’s OK to think that your work-life satisfaction is more important than always being present with your kids. It’s also OK to put your kids before everything else and have a business that keeps you busy while they’re not with you. Get clear about your values and then live by them!
2. Don’t try to go it alone
You’re not superwoman. If you can afford to get some help around your home, pay someone to do the laundry, shopping, and cleaning (unless you really enjoy it). In that way, you can spend more time on your business and with your kids.
If you can’t afford to pay for help, it’s crucial to learn how to ask for help. It takes practice, but once you take the vulnerable first step, others around you will start doing the same. Reach out to friends, relatives, neighbors, parents of your kids’ friends. Before you know it, no one feels bad for asking, and it becomes a reciprocal relationship in which everyone benefits. Or do as me before the pandemic, get an au-pair who gets a cultural exchange at the same time.
3. Be a “good enough parent”
What a child needs is a “good enough parent” according to the attachment research by John Bowlby and others; a mother that is caring for and connected with her child, without sacrificing her personal needs and health. In other words, we can (and shall) lower the bar from the perfect superwoman who does it all and is praised for her selflessness to a mom who has a life of her own and takes care of herself! Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself! Go back to basics and be caring, connected, and “good enough.”
4. Say no to time-consuming activities
There is no way you will be able to say yes to everything your kids, the school, or other parents are asking you for. Make it a habit to evaluate the time commitment needed each time you are asked for something. “A birthday party for the whole class organized by YOU” will require much more time than an “all-inclusive party for the three closest friends”, and the difference for your kid might be negligible. Take time to evaluate the pros and cons when your child is asking you for something. Practice saying “No, I’m almost sure that it’ll not be possible, but I’ll let you know tomorrow”. In that way, you don’t create expectations and in case you decide to make that time-consuming event happen, it will be a positive surprise for your kid the following day.
5. Don’t compare yourself to others
All kids are different. All moms are different. Don’t compare yourself with other moms, please! I did this in the past and learned my lesson. If you use social media for connection and for lifting you up that’s fine for a limited time each day but unfollow whoever doesn’t give you the feelings you’d like to feel. If scrolling makes you feel unsuccessful and imperfect (which is totally normal), stop it!
6. Schedule time with your kids and treat it as a job appointment
Running your own business is tough, especially in the beginning. Long hours might increase your guilt over not spending enough time with your kids. But quality tends to be more important than quantity. Make sure that you schedule time for your kids each day. And stick to that time! Don’t disappoint your kids when you’ve said that you would spend time with them, or you might feel even guiltier. Treat the time with your kids as an important job appointment. Make that time completely work and phone-free and make sure you don’t get interrupted! In this way, it will be easier for your kids to accept that mommy often needs to work.
7. Create unforgettable moments with your kids
Have you ever had a moment with your children where you felt "this is a beautiful moment that I’ll remember forever"? Ask your children what their favourite moments are. Sit down to think about your own favourite moments which might or might not be the same as your children’s. Then schedule those activities into your calendar. For my kids, it’s often surprisingly simple and cheap activities like “having a family dance party in the living room”, “teaching mommy how to play my favourite video game”. When you know what these moments are, you can start replicating them more often!
8. Share your accomplishments with your children.
What’s the link between accomplishments and mom guilt? When you see yourself as a confident and self-reliant businesswoman, you will transmit those qualities to your children. They will absorb your confidence. A Harvard study showed that adult women who grew up with entrepreneur mothers were better performers in the workplace and earned 23 % more money than their counterparts who grew up with stay-at-home moms. So share your accomplishments with your children. They will become more confident which in turn gives you one problem less to deal with in the long term. Share your plans, challenges, successes, and disappointments. Give your children every reason to be proud of your efforts. This will bring you and your children closer together.
Conclusion
I share all my successes and challenges with my two kids, they are my biggest fans. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity for a fulfilling career but do it in accordance with your values in life. Make your children the reason you want to do it, not the reason you don’t do it! Children learn by example so your persistence will inspire them. And who knows what greatness they will bring to the world one day!
Do you have your own tip to add to this list? Contact me on LinkedIn, Facebook, or YouTube and I’ll be happy to include it in my future content!
Linnea Etzler, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
After dedicating 15+ years in the corporate world supporting leaders and teams in improving their productivity and managing change, Linnea Etzler now coaches high-performing women to become more productive and sustainably grow their businesses. Thanks to her analytical mind combined with a passion to understand people, she is highly successful in helping high-performing female entrepreneurs find ways to streamline their businesses and increase their performance so that they can focus on what really matters to them. Linnea Etzler is a Certified Coach; a Project Management Professional®️ holds an MSc in Engineering and a PhD in usability. She was born in Sweden, has lived in several European countries, and is currently based in Italy. This proud mom of two energetic boys coaches women in English, Italian and Swedish to help transform their lives as business owners into an enjoyable, successful, and fulfilling experience.
