How to Deepen Friendships and Fight the Loneliness Epidemic
- Apr 29, 2021
- 5 min read
Written by: Linda Evans, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The worldwide loneliness epidemic has been building for several years now, not initiated by the COVID-19 pandemic but exacerbated by it. Even though loneliness is a social term, chronic loneliness can cause serious health consequences such as an increased risk of premature death, dementia, and heart disease. The United Kingdom has elevated it into an issue worthy of political attention by designating the first Minister of Loneliness in 2018 to address this public health problem.
We don’t need to wait for a government-appointed official to tackle loneliness for us. Contrary to popular stigma, loneliness does not just affect the frail or elderly. It does not discriminate based on age group, gender, living situations, income level, marital status, or career fields. Everyone is susceptible, but no one needs to feel helpless.
We can use our agency and current circle of human associations, however, limited, to fight back against loneliness. We are inherently social creatures who crave meaningful human connection.
When we are socially fed, we are more productive, more creative, and more resilient. I have moved many times in my life and have worked hard to maintain relationships with friends and family, many of whom I have not seen in years.
But whether you desire to better connect with your family members, romantic partner, colleagues, school friends, or neighbors, it all comes down to friendship, which Google defines as “a state of mutual trust and support.”
Here are 19 tiny ways that can pay off in immeasurable fulfillment when done with genuineness. Of course, you don’t need to do these all at once. Spread them out amongst multiple people in your life and watch those friendships flourish.
1. Follow up on social media posts. Don’t just scroll past them, like, and comment to share your reaction or any relatable personal experiences and thoughts.
2. Let them know when you are reminded of them. When something triggers your mind to think of someone, let them know immediately! Friendships stay alive because you hold space in each other’s minds and hearts, regardless of the physical distances.
3. Send interesting, funny, or informative recommendations. Let them know of any song, book, article, recipe, movie, TV show, restaurant, podcast, blog post, website, event, clothing, shoes, jewelry, billboard, or meme that you think they would enjoy. Even if they don’t enjoy it, they’ll appreciate that you thought of them.
4. Tell them when they appear in your dreams. The more random, the more amusing, even if you haven’t contacted them for years.
5. Reach out personally on their birthday or anniversary. If you don’t have an extensive memory (most of us don’t), write these in your online calendar as recurring annual events and check your calendar every day.
6. Send well wishes for upcoming specific events. If you know they have an interview, surgery, presentation, race, or any other nerve-heightening event coming up, send them a simple message like, “Good luck! You’ll do great!” to give them a boost.
7. Ask how specific events went. Follow up and ask for details to show that you care and offer support if needed.
8. Follow up more than once after hardships. If they lost a loved one to death, experienced some trauma, or endured some chronic ailment, check in on them multiple times. Healing often takes weeks, months, or years. A burden shared is a burden halved.
9. Celebrate milestones. After they have completed some major accomplishments, put any jealousy aside and express your happiness for them. Whether it be a new job, new pet, new house, or new credential, joy shared is joy doubled.
10. Surprise them with gifts or handwritten cards. This is hard if you don’t live near them or have their mailing address, but maybe you can ask their friend or family member for it. We all love receiving unexpected cards and gift packages for any occasion or none at all!
11. Send photos of enjoyable memories. When those Facebook memories come up, or you come across a picture of you two, forward it to them to savor some former good times.
12. Feed on inside jokes. Randomly refer back to something only the two of you experienced together to increase your bond, even from afar. Feed on old laughter.
13. Invite them to do things and get them on your calendars. When you have an idea for something fun to do, don’t just say, “We should do that someday!” Set a specific time and place to meet up, put it in your calendars, and follow-through. Friendship is made of a chain of interactions that turn into memories. Plan future memories to look forward to.
14. Ask for their advice. Most people enjoy feeling like they have wisdom worth sharing. You’ll also learn more about their values and experiences. You don’t need to apply their advice if you disagree with it, but always thank them for their thoughts.
15. Thank them for things they have taught or given you. If you do apply their advice, follow up and let them know how it improved your life. When you wear or use a gift, they gave you, send them a picture of it and thank them again. Everybody loves to see their gift being used and appreciated.
16. Share specific events in your life. When something noteworthy, interesting, or hilarious happens to you, share it with some people. It gives them an update on your life and provides them a chance to give you an update on theirs.
17. Be vulnerable and share personal emotions. Uncomfortable feelings like loneliness or sadness are our natural indicators to reach out for human connection. You can combine this with asking for advice on how to feel better, leading to planning a fun get-together.
18. Validate their thoughts and feelings. Our deepest need is to feel heard and understood. Whatever they share with you, guard it preciously and affirm their thoughts/feelings, especially if you don’t agree. Strive to withhold judgment.
19. Give tough love when needed. Sometimes, being honest and preventing someone from making a major mistake is the truest sign of love and support, even if it’s uncomfortable for both of you to talk about.
It doesn’t matter what mode of communication you use to do these - we are fortunate to live in a time of many instantaneous and cheap (or free) options, so use what feels most natural to your friendships.
Online written messages/comments
Video recordings
Voice recordings
Texts
Emails
Phone calls
Voicemails
Handwritten letters/cards
Increased use of technology like social media is not the culprit for loneliness; it is a neutral tool or resource that can be used to one’s benefit or detriment. If we use it passively, it can increase our sense of social isolation. If we use it actively and intentionally, it can deepen our social connections.
Fighting loneliness and deepening friendships doesn’t just happen if you know how to or even if you’re highly motivated to do so. You need to do it. The rewards will come.
Linda Evans, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Linda Evans is a strengths-based career coach and personal branding expert. In 2011, she founded her virtual career coaching business, Launched by Linda, LLC. Her full-time career has been in higher education since 2012, and she currently works in Career Services at Trinity University in San Antonio, Texas. Linda has a B.A. in American Studies and a minor in Ballroom Dance from Brigham Young University, and an M.A. in Psychological Counseling from Columbia University. She is also a Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach and has certificates in positive psychology and public speaking.
