Embracing Childhood Tragedy to Uncover & Empower Your “Why”
- Brainz Magazine
- Mar 11, 2021
- 5 min read
Written by: Denise Ledi, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When I launched Ledi Coaching & Consulting last summer, I knew that one of the biggest myths in life is that we have all the time in the world. The only time we have to be our best selves is NOW.
Without fail, I was asked, “Why?” Why are you building a Leadership Coaching business, Denise? Good question! I had a successful 25-year career in healthcare I was proud and grateful for with all trappings of success that outside looking in? I would be crazy to walk away from. But I yearned for something even more, and whenever I was asked, "Why?” I shuddered. Emotionally shut down and dismissed the question as an esoteric quest for those struggling to find meaning in their life.
My reaction may seem arrogant. I knew Simon Sinek’s famous adage, “to have success in anything in life. You need to know your 'why.' I’ve always known that I’m here to help others, to help them grow, challenge and change the status quo, to make a difference. But I never took my answer any deeper than this.
Until recently…
You see, I’ve been working with a Business Coach who had me working on this mighty question. I answered as I typically have, but with a bit more detail, thinking I nailed it! Until I received his feedback, “You’re doing great, Denise! I want you to dig deeper and push yourself harder. The tough part of being exceptional is that it’s about your own personal improvement, 1% more every day. Go back and work on your ‘Why.’ I want you to make people want to hug you and be so happy they found you. You did an awesome job, and I am so proud of you for the effort. Now you have to make it even more clear, concise and compelling. The end product is you. Not a reflection of you, just you and you alone. You make the difference. You are the exception who can bring out the exceptional in others.”
His words ignited something hidden deep within me, yearning to burst out. I realized I unknowingly had shuttered the true depths of my 'why' and, in turn, my purpose. Without any thought, I wrote and wrote, holding nothing back.
The results I share this with you today, my truth, my 'why,' the greatest gift I have to offer the world, discovered as I wrote about the most tragic yet defining moment of my life and words of wisdom to my younger self.
I lost my mom when I was 8. I saw her for the first time in months, the day before she died.
I should have known something was up! Days before this, relatives from all over the world, some of whom I’d never met, were here. I was so happy to see and have so many aunties, uncles, and cousins all around me!
I remember being led into a semi-lit hospital room. There she lay. And I couldn’t believe it. My mom — she was frail, gaunt, small. That seemingly invincible powerhouse was reduced to a shell.
She called me over. My legs carried me towards her, but I don’t think I recall my feet hitting the ground. I grasped her hand; it was cold and weak.
She tried to talk to me, but the only thing I could make out was my name. Her voice was a whisper, a speck of what I knew, but I responded as if I understood her.
Looking back, I do believe that on some level, that wordless soul level, I knew what she was trying to say:
“Don’t be scared, be good, you’re going to be okay, you’re going to be... Do great things, Denise! And, of course, I love you.”
For so many years remembering that scene was one of sorrow and anguish. It was the end of hope, of her returning home and life as I knew it. I know firsthand no one on their deathbed wishes they worked more, made more money, or had more things. They just want to be with the ones they love most and to tell them they mattered.
We had so many family & friends step up and care/support/guide us. I’ve never forgotten. I don’t think I realized how profound their actions were, selfless & giving. It wasn’t about pity. It was about love and support. It was about giving selflessly and community. All of them left a piece of themselves with me and didn’t even know it.
I think of those people often and the roles they played in my life. I want to do that for others. To walk alongside them in their hour/time of need to be their anchor, support, and more. Pushing them forward to live their purpose — their why. To help them live a life with no regrets for not living a life with greater meaning.
But to do that? I have to be the best version of myself.
I want to be remembered for passing along the very best in me to others, so their lives are better, more fulfilled, and happier in some way because I was part of it.
Only now do I realize the beauty and power within these memories. And I share them with you now. Don’t shy away from these memories like I did. Embrace them. They empower you! Picture the good pieces of these moments, the feeling of mom looking over you, because she continues to champion you to this day! She knows you're strong and can and will do great things.
Know it's okay to be scared. Heck, who doesn't get scared from time to time?
Know that when you have the right people around you? You can move through fear and soar to your greatest. Your people, your champions, your tribe rallied around you back then. The same is true now. You have and will have more people championing you along your way Denise. Me being one of your BIGGEST champions!!
Embrace your why and go for whatever it is you want in life. It’s all there for you. Leave no room for regrets, especially for not living a life with greater meaning. When there is fulfillment and meaning to what we do? Success just flows. It’s in us and all around us.
We’re always evolving. Today, you are your best version of yourself for the people you’re meant to serve today. You’re ready. You have everything in you; you need to believe this from the depth of your soul.
Trust in yourself and believe!
Here’s to you!
Denise Ledi, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Denise Ledi is an Empowerment & Executive Leadership Coach based in Edmonton, Alberta Canada serving clients across North America. She has spent more than 20 years as a leader in addiction & mental health, forensics, and correctional healthcare and knows firsthand how complex and challenging it can be to lead in ever-changing environments. Denise integrates real world leadership experience, experiences as a coaching client with expertise as a certified executive trained coach and Master’s trained Criminologist to provide a unique, innovative, integrative perspective to her clients to help them gain clarity and achieve the measurable results they're looking for.
Denise has been a mentor to 100+ professionals and family; including her younger brother & sister after their mother died and as their father built his Engineering firm into a successful business as a new immigrate to Canada.
Chapter Chair- Powerful Women Today Edmonton, budding podcast host, speaker and presenter, Denise believes that our highest potential is reached by helping others reach theirs. It is her primary mission to empower others to become their best selves, access their whole potential, and make an extraordinary impact on the world!
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