Dealing With Loss And Finding New Purpose
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 8, 2024
- 5 min read
Written by Tatjana Gaspar, Coach, Consultant & Author
Tatjana Gaspar is a certified Systemic Coach and Online Trainer who uses methods that focus on the clients’ individual goals, thus aiming at improving their business or life situation. She is also the CEO of the Latin American Chamber of Commerce in Switzerland, where she organizes events, hosts webinars and is responsible for operational and financial issues.
Loss is an inevitable part of the human experience, affecting each one of us in numerous ways and many times during our lives. Almost no year goes by without us bearing witness to our own or someone else’s loss. While nothing is as deep and definite as the loss of a loved one, which often involves redefining life’s meaning, losing one’s existential foundation, home, health, job, trust, or purpose can also throw us off balance.
The grieving process
After losing a loved one, regardless of whether it was expected or not, the immediate effect is almost always a feeling of shock, emptiness, disbelief, anxiety, and vulnerability. The head grasps it, but the heart cannot yet – or vice versa. The feelings that follow may be denial, pain, sadness, anger, hurt, grief, confusion, depression, abandonment, or helplessness. The trauma that is caused in such a moment can be profound and last for a long time.
To overcome the loss of a loved one, it is crucial to allow ourselves to grieve fully, without suppressing emotions, and in the way that feels most natural to us, in line with our personality, culture, and beliefs. We all deal with trauma in different ways because grieving, coping, and overcoming is a deeply personal journey. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to it, no right or wrong path. That’s why I do not always find it useful when people draw comparisons. Each loss carries its unique challenges and emotional responses; however, commonalities exist in how we process these events and ultimately find ways to accept, forgive, let go, and move forward.
The health condition turntable
Other than the loss of a loved one, the loss of good health, whether through chronic illness or sudden disability, dramatically alters one’s life and that of one’s family. It can restrict independence, change daily routines, and challenge mental and emotional resilience. Adapting to health changes involves accepting the new reality and finding ways to live within those constraints while maintaining as much quality of life as possible. We may think that a slow decline in our health with an educated medical forecast is easier to adapt to than a life-altering situation that surges acutely. But how we cope very much depends on how we see ourselves as part of the world or universe: Do we think in possibilities or defeats? Are we fighters or victims? Is our mindset wired to allow positive outcomes or not? Do we trust our environment sufficiently to address things transparently? Are we able to accept help when help is offered?
Such a situation is always complex. It may involve seeking support from healthcare professionals, participating in support groups, and educating ourselves to be able to manage life effectively. Developing new routines that accommodate the health condition can provide a sense of triumph and joy. Staying connected and maintaining social interactions is also vital for our emotional well-being. And yes, this often requires that we step outside of our natural boundaries or, as we say in German, “jump over our shadow”.
Facing existential challenges
Losing a sense of purpose can be as debilitating as any physical loss. It can stem from any important life changes that are imposed on us and where we feel we have no power or no say – a job loss or retirement, the separation from a spouse, children moving out to start their own lives, or the need to abandon one’s home forever. What makes these moments particularly difficult is that they are often accompanied by feelings of fear of the unknown, worthlessness, injustice, shame, or a lack of motivation. Losing a job can strike at the core of our identity, especially in a society where professional success is closely tied to self-worth. Beyond the financial strain, job loss can lead to a sense of failure and a loss of social connections formed in the workplace.
While here grieving is also necessary for the healing process and we should permit ourselves to acknowledge this significant life event, it is not advisable to wallow in it for too long until there is only anger and self-pity left. Reclaiming a sense of purpose is in many ways a matter of choice: Reframing the job loss or change of environment as an opportunity rather than a setback can open doors to new possibilities. Beyond relying on support from family, friends, or specialized professionals, it requires sufficient time for introspection, the readiness to introduce a new structure to our life, being open to actively nurture and broaden our social network, and the willingness to explore new interests.
Such a period of overcoming is a time for reassessment – identifying strengths, weaknesses, and long-forgotten dreams that might lead to a more fulfilling career path or to the acceptance of a new way of life. During our soul searching, it can be helpful to reflect on what once brought joy and satisfaction and seek ways to integrate those elements into the current phase of life.
A new motivation
In all these scenarios of loss, finding new motivation involves setting small, manageable goals that gradually lead to a greater sense of achievement. Discovering a new purpose means challenging ourselves in different ways: Volunteering, learning new skills, or embarking on a creative project can provide a renewed feeling of accomplishment, empowerment, and direction. This is how any form of passion is born, humanity’s ultimate lifesaver! Even simple daily activities or maintaining regular rituals such as sports or meditation can foster a sense of achievement and fulfillment. Celebrating small victories, no matter how minor they seem, will build momentum and a positive outlook. Again, there is no right or wrong and no universal advice to be given, just things we do in line with our personality and abilities.
Practicing self-compassion in this process is crucial. Understanding that setbacks and losses are part of the human condition helps mitigate feelings of inadequacy or failure. Embracing the idea that life is a continuous cycle of change and adjustment, where patience and perseverance are required, allows for a more open mindset. This is how, in time, one can transform trauma into a source of strength and renewed meaning.
Tatjana Gaspar, Coach, Consultant & Author
Tatjana Gaspar is a certified Systemic Coach and Online Trainer who uses methods that focus on the clients’ individual goals, thus aiming at improving their business or life situation. She is also the CEO of the Latin American Chamber of Commerce in Switzerland, where she organizes events, hosts webinars and is responsible for operational and financial issues. Before coaching, she spent 20 years in international wealth management and leadership positions with different banks in Zurich. Initially, Tatjana obtained a Degree in Hispanic and Russian Literature and History from the University of Geneva. She is a firm believer in life-long learning and fluent in seven languages.
