Written by: Marlena O'Donnell, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Whilst Christmas is about giving and receiving gifts, how many of them do you still remember receiving a year later? Would you like a Christmas gift that will have a long-lasting impact on the year ahead? I’d like to offer you not just one, but 12 gifts that will cost you nothing but will bring you happiness and fulfilment beyond the festive season.
Kindness
We thrive on kindness – both physically and mentally. When we are being kind, our stress levels go down and our body is flooded with endorphins inducing a sense of wellbeing. We feel connected to others and have a purpose. Kindness doesn’t have to involve financial resources or even a lot of time. A brief chat with a homeless person or a quick message to a friend who is struggling is also kindness. And of course, let’s not forget about being kind to ourselves. We all need a time out to focus on what we love and switch off the nagging voice in our heads telling us that "there is no time”, “we don’t deserve this”, “we cannot be happy". If we want to find time, we will and we definitely deserve to be kind to ourselves! After all, how can we expect others to give us something we are not willing to give ourselves?
I give you a challenge – for the next 30 days do something kind for others and yourself. Let me know how you get on!
Acceptance
A lot of my clients do not want to accept their past or the circumstances they are in. The more they fight the worse their experience of life is. We definitely cannot change the past, but we can change how we view what is happening to us. Some things are beyond our control and yet we waste our time and energy on wanting to change them. This is the bad news. The good news is that although we cannot change external circumstances, it is within our power to choose how we approach them.
We can choose to accept what is happening and find the best way to deal with the situation or keep fighting the inevitable and get angry, tired or frustrated. Choose wisely!
Gratitude
When you were born, you had nothing. It is easy to forget this and we always seek more of everything. We need more money, more possessions, more friendships, better jobs, holidays and homes. Four years ago I lost my job after 17 years. Whilst I was losing my job, I had a couple of operations, I lost my father in law and one of my best friends. My world was bleak until I thought of all the things I still had in my life – my family, friends, books, music, I was warm and safe. None of the things I used to care about such as impressing others, buying designer shoes and going on exotic holidays mattered.
Close your eyes and think of three things you are grateful for in your life. Do it every day – your perspective on what you have and should have will change.
Perseverance
A year ago, one of my clients wanted to revamp his business. He had spurts of enthusiasm and creativity followed by periods of feeling deflated and hopeless. He would himself up when this happened – he always wanted to feel on top of the world and take action. I helped him realise that the key to success is not to give up when our mood changes, when circumstances change, when everything appears to be against us. Small steps are just as good as giant steps. By not giving up, in a year my client achieved much more than he had in the previous 10 years. He now runs two successful businesses and is looking into buying another one. Remember - taking action is not dependent on how you feel or the circumstances. Do something every day that will bring you closer to your goal.
Non-judgement
Our view of the world and others around us is very polarised. We categorise everything as being good, bad or neutral. When we judge something as being good, we experience positive feelings. On the other hand, negative judgement of people or situations induces negative feelings. After all, our feelings are a flip side of our thoughts. But how accurate is our judgement? Do we really know what other people are thinking, what drives their behaviour and actions they take? We don’t!
Practice considering others and their actions through a neutral lens, or go even further by considering everyone around you to be good. This will open your eyes to the fact that you alone are responsible for creating your judgement – not the other person’s behaviour!
Confidence
I used to dread public speaking. I had nightmares before doing presentations to more than 2 people. I worried that I would make a mistake, that I would not come across as knowledgeable and professional, that my language and manner of speaking would not be sophisticated and I would make mistakes. This was several years ago. Now I love public speaking. What’s changed? I learned that if I can do a presentation in front of 2 people, I can do it in front of a crowd. I learned that if I believe that I can do something, I will do it well and others will not doubt that I can do it. I learned that “nightmare” scenarios are made up – they do not often materialise but even if a challenge comes along, I can handle it if I stay calm and trust that I can manage the situation. If I can do this - you can do this too.
The only person that stands in the way of being confident is… you.
Dreaming big
When I was ten years old and living in Poland, I got bored one day and started reading Shakespeare comedies (in Polish). I thought that they were funny and imagined one day reading them in English. Poland was behind the iron curtain back then, I came from a single parent family and my disability meant limited opportunities to study and travel.
I ended up studying English Literature in Poland and the UK. I now live in England and have seen Shakespeare plays at the Globe in London and Stratford-on-Avon.
What’s stopping you from expanding your horizons and imagining achieving something that is beyond possibility?
Creativity
I do not believe when others tell me they are not creative. After all, we can all speak and can create stories, we do a lot of everyday activities that involve arranging or putting things together such as cooking and gardening.
We are all creators and so rather than telling yourself that you cannot make anything, discover what you love doing and create beautiful things in your life.
Focus
Rather than staying focused on what we want, we often focus on why we cannot have what we want. One of my clients wanted to buy a second business. COVID happened and she panicked. She spent a lot of time and energy on working out all the possible reasons why her new business venture would fail. When she shifted her focus from the difficulties to the goal itself, solutions to challenges appeared and she bought the business.
What do you want? Are you focused on getting it or on the obstacles in the way?
Staying present
We can only experience life in the present moment. Everything else is experienced through our thoughts – both the past and the future. We cannot change what’s happened and we do not know what the future holds. We can only ever have control of what is happening right now. The present moment holds the key to your happiness and wellbeing.
When you focus on what is around you, regrets about the past and anxiety about the future become insignificant.
Courage
We often don’t take action or do what we love because of fear. Our imagination creates rich scenarios of things that may happen to us when we step out of our comfort zone and do something out of ordinary. Whilst fear is useful as a response to real danger, it does not serve us well when it becomes a barrier to success. Fear is a feeling. It does not know about the future and what will happen to us. We frequently handle unexpected challenges and are perfectly well equipped to do so when we pursue something we want.
Do not let imaginary danger stop you from living the life you want. You handle difficulties every day and are perfectly capable of overcoming any challenges life puts in front of you.
Fun
I often hear “I’ll be happy when… I retire/get a promotion/buy a house/go on holiday” and so on. But you can only ever experience happiness in the present moment, not in the future. Children know this and adults forget that life is for having fun.
Do more of what you love, look at the bright side and always believe that all is well.
I cheated when I declared writing about gifts. All these qualities are not gifts as they are already at your disposal. Use them every day and change the pathway you are on to a magical road leading to success and fulfilment beyond your wildest dreams! Happy Christmas!
Marlena O'Donnell, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Marlena O’Donnell is a certified life coach, mentor, and motivational speaker specializing in freeing her clients from beliefs that are not serving them well. Marlena has successfully helped many people gain an unwavering belief in themselves, confidence, motivation, and courage to go after what they want in life through individual and group coaching, mentoring, and workshops. Marlena has personal experience of overcoming significant challenges in life and succeeding against all odds. This, combined with her thorough understanding of both business matters and personal issues, puts her in a unique position to help her clients successfully navigate their way through difficulties they face in all areas of life and achieve “the unachievable”. As a motivational speaker, Marlena inspires others to make powerful and lasting changes in their life. She has been a keynote speaker at business events, online conferences, and summits.
