Written by: Royce Morales, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you noticed that sometimes you react like you’re back in high school when someone doesn’t like you? Maybe you obsess about it for days, weeks, months or even years.
Or do you pretend to not care about their opinion?
Perhaps you try to figure out logically what they could possibly be thinking. How could anyone not like me, you recite to yourself. You rationalize they’re probably just jealous, insecure, needing to feel in control.
You search for ways to rectify the situation, attempting to negotiate or reason them out of this odd misunderstanding of that nice person that you are.
You overcompensate with kindness, gifting sappy birthday texts flooded with heart emojis. You bend over backwards with fawning, dare I say groveling, simply because you can’t bear the notion that someone doesn’t like you.
Then there’s always the opposite tactic – turn a cold shoulder. Catching a glimpse of your nemesis, you take another route, duck your head, pretend to not see them. Indeed, you even ponder revenge, hoping to turn the tables or at least even out the score.
You campaign for agreement from friends about how wrong that person’s negative opinion is, convincing them to join your side. You gossip, posing countless examples of how terrible they are, with or without evidence.
Even with your entire tribe’s support and pity, the sting doesn’t quell. Part of you knows you can’t manipulate others’ opinions of you, nor people-please your way to acceptance. Reluctantly, you shrug your shoulders, mumble whatever, and swallow your hurt, disappointment and confusion.
You accept the fact that, for reasons you may never know or understand, you are not liked.
But the how come never completely goes away and can trigger future relationships into anticipating the same result.
The need to be liked or approved of is one of those primitive, fear-based, factory-installed survival programs. Nothing is more threatening than not being accepted. This need makes you overly attuned to what others think of you, causing you to take on inauthentic ways of behaving to make sure you fit in. This core need is a huge stumbling block in the way of self-acceptance.
All of us have experienced being rescued or saved in big or small ways. When you perceive that someone cares enough to save you, that can subconsciously keep you stuck in victim mode. Your fear-based consciousness defines it as being loved.
The problem is, whoever stepped in and saved you becomes your fear-connected ally. From then on, you anticipate that they or someone comparable will always save you. You go through life choosing those who offer similar rescuing, or the potential of.
The problem is that this choice ends up handing over a massive dose of your power.
The rescuer/rescued dance may sound positive, but since it’s based on fear, it ends up compelling you to continue the pattern, subconsciously setting up situations to make sure you are rescued.
In most cases, ally relationships start with one or both parents since they were responsible for giving you life and supporting your survival. However, it begins as early as conception where you joined with the one who appeared to want you the most or had the purest motives in wanting you.
This simplified scenario becomes your way of being in the world and why you so desperately need to be liked.
What is saving?
Keep in mind that “saving” can be dramatic or subtle, and can take place either physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Often, it can be as simple as being defended verbally or provided with sympathy.
Let’s take a deeper dive.
Subconsciously, you chose your rescuing scenario based on how you need to be saved from yourself.
For example: If you believe you’ve done harmful things with money, you will choose a parent who will rescue you financially, preventing you from doing more harm.
To your survival-based consciousness, all of the above looks like love, making it difficult to see how disempowering these relationships are. It’s equally challenging to transform them into supportive, real love since your fear-based consciousness craves approval as its life force.
The not-your-first-rodeo catch 22’s
Due to the overflowing suitcases of subconscious guilt you’re carrying around from past lifetimes, part of you believes you don’t deserve power, love and authenticity. The truth is, when others don’t like you, they’re exposing that deeply hidden undeserving notion. That throws your fear-based consciousness into hyperdrive to make sure you aren’t further busted.
Then, off you go into ‘poor me’ which triggers your allies to come rescue you.
The payoff? You don’t have to address how dangerous you subconsciously believe you are and get to stay ‘safely’ a victim.
Looking at the bigger picture, all of the above shows accurate mirrors designed on a higher consciousness level to wake you and get your power back.
What to do?
Blaming others when your need to be liked isn’t fulfilled is a waste of time and energy. Spending time discovering what’s being reflecting can create deep level shifts. This key opens doors to profound inner awakening, self-growth and dropping those masks of inauthenticity.
Rather than focusing externally, do some inner delving. Caring about others’ opinions, needing to be liked or approved of, shows you something about yourself – hidden self-judgment – that you’re in denial of being reflected.
Do the following, step-by-step:
Notice triggered reactions about not being liked and determine the exact button being pushed. Example: If the person not liking you is judging you as being selfish, see if there’s part of you that believes you are selfish in some way. It might be camouflaged with acting generous to cover up true selfish intentions. Tell the truth to yourself.
Observe your instant reactions about needing to be right, needing others to go into agreement with you, needing to be saved. It probably feels uncomfortable to not have that going on. In the Real World or symbolically, do anything that feels like a statement of not needing to be rescued or have allies.
A powerful way to resolve the first layer of this pattern is to stop allowing yourself to be rescued. For example, if you notice that you keep running to your dad to help you out of frequent financial messes, try not to do that and see what happens. Committing to take your power back can manifest unexpected, often astonishing results.
The rest should be done with a skilled facilitator (I help with that). It includes doing core inner work to resolve past suppressed incidents where you decided you needed to be saved or rescued because you caused pain or loss. Locating and releasing those disempowering beliefs brings self-acceptance and letting go of needing to garner love and approval from external sources.
Remember that those who choose to not like you are your best teachers, exposing subconscious fears as well as assisting in discovering your denied, suppressed guilt. Deserve to genuinely like YOURSELF and watch what unfolds magically!
Royce Morales, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Royce Morales is a renowned trailblazer, creator of an innovative, spiritually based approach to inner transformation. Her program, Perfect Life Awakening, emerged from a lifetime of frustration searching for inner work that worked. She discovered that revealing specific subconscious origins of self-sabotage, removing its persistent influence, life can shift.
She developed a clearing technique that releases programmed, false beliefs from this as well as previous lives. Negative patterns and hidden fears resolve so paralyzing issues lose their impact. This exclusive, time-tested work takes students from triggered to empowered, uncovering their authentic, purpose-driven life.
PLA also provides applicable tools to navigate daily life – ways to rapidly shift from anger to calm, fear to acceptance, judgement to connection. The work emphasizes awareness of, trusting and following one’s innate intuitive wisdom, then taking bold, inspired, real-world action.
The Perfect Life Awakening courses take place remotely and are presented in small groups to provide individual attention. Royce offers private inner discovery sessions to facilitate deeper work, utilizing her proprietary spiritual clearing technique called Spiritual Cognition Integration.
Royce is the author of three books about her teachings: Want – True Love, Past Lives and Other Complications; Know: A Spiritual Wake-up Call and Back: Rebirth After Stroke, all available on Amazon.
Go to Royce’s YouTube channel where she shares enlightening information about her teachings. She posts weekly blogs and writes articles for several other publications.