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“I’ve Never Liked Myself” – What To Do If You Feel This Way

Written by: Rita Trotter, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


Do you stand in front of the mirror, wishing that your body and face would change? You say words like 'My nose is too big, my hair is too frizzy, and my chin jutted out just enough to make me feel like a cartoon character'. Well, most of us do. There are still plenty of things about ourselves that bother us and cause us to feel significantly insecure.

You’ve either felt it before or you’re feeling it right now. That moment when you look down at your body in disgust, hating every inch of it. It’s a feeling that grips you and won't let go. Don't worry, I've been there.

My Story

After my first was born I put on 70lbs in weight and struggled to lose it suffering from post partem depression, isolation, and a complete hatred of my body. We didn’t have photos taken together until he was 7 months old as I avoided photos due to how I felt in my body, so we have no memories of those times in pics.

I have been with my husband since 2015 and we were married in 2017. I felt really insecure in my body after the kids in our relationship. Feeling that my body was so different from when we first met, how could he possibly find me attractive anymore? Although he loved me and told me I looked good, I didn’t believe him. Because I didn’t feel it on the inside, it didn’t matter what he said.

This caused strains in our relationship where I would push him away and reject him because I felt insecure and didn’t want him to see me with clothes off. There were times when I would get changed in the spare room so that he didn’t catch me naked.

All these actions, along with my prior diagnosis of Anorexia and Imposter syndrome, are signs that I have hated my body all along.

When I had my kids, I began to realise that I needed to make a change. I had to break that destructive pattern. I had to prove to myself and my boys that no matter what life throws at you, your body and health are the only things that you can truly control.

And so began what would become a lifelong journey: learning how to love my body, not just the way how it is. So dear Reader, I have to say this subject hits close to home for me, and so I will be sharing several steps for you to love your body.

1. Try loving your body for things other than looks

If you're having trouble loving your body for its appearance, try to think of other things you can love about it. For example: What are some things about your body that make it unique? Do you have a birthmark? Maybe you have a scar that represents something in your life that you are now thankful to be alive from?

These are all things that make every person unique and special ‒ they're part of their story. They're also things we tend not to focus on when we look at ourselves in mirrors or at photos in magazines because they aren't necessarily attractive features (at least not on their own). But those same features add up to create an individual identity; they help people stand out from each other so that no two people are exactly alike!

When someone tells me something personal about themselves ‒ like having an unusual eye colour or being born with a specific skin colour ‒ I always respond by saying "you look amazing" because I want them to feel good about sharing something unique about themselves.

In addition to thinking about what makes you unique, think about what makes others unique as well. When we see someone with a noticeable feature or distinctive quality, our first instinct is often to notice it rather than ignore it or pretend it's not there. You can love your body for its appearance and still want to improve it. For example, if you feel self-conscious about your weight or how your body looks in clothes, like me, I started working on my lifestyle to achieve the body that I wanted to have.

If you need some help finding something positive about yourself, try writing down 5 positive qualities about yourself every day for a week. At first, this may seem like an overwhelming task ‒and it is! ‒ but after a few days you'll start noticing patterns in what makes you feel good about yourself.

2. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love, no matter what.

The first step in loving your body is to remind yourself that it's okay to love yourself. This may sound silly, but it's actually a very important concept. Many people feel that their self-worth is contingent upon their physical appearance and/or weight; this isn't true at all! You are worthy of love because you have a personality, a soul, and feelings ‒ not because you weigh X pounds or have Y measurements on the scale.

You deserve to be loved by others simply because they see something special in you ‒ something they value enough to want as part of their lives forever. The fact that someone wants to spend time with us means there must be something worth seeing past our surface qualities. Human beings deserve respect just like everyone else does!

3. Practice self-compassion.

Self-compassion is the ability to be kind and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail or feel inadequate. It’s an attitude that helps us stay balanced during hard times instead of beating ourselves up.

There are many ways to practice self-compassion. One of the simplest, but most effective, is simply being kind to yourself. When you notice that you're feeling bad about your body, try saying something positive instead ‒ something like: "I accept how I look right now."

This can be especially helpful in situations where it feels impossible to love your body because of its appearance or size (e.g., when you look at pictures from last summer and remember how much healthier and happier you felt). It's important not only to accept what is happening at this moment but also to remind yourself that change is possible ‒ and even probable!

4. Stop comparing yourself to others and focus on the things you have control over.

It's important to remember that you have control over only so much in life. It's also important to acknowledge the ways in which comparison can be healthy and helpful, but only if it's done in moderation.

The bottom line is this: no matter what anyone else says or does, the only opinion that matters is your own. You are the only person who knows what it feels like on the inside ‒ and if something doesn't feel right for you, then don't do it!

"It's easy for us to compare ourselves to others," says Dr. David Luchins, a psychologist based in New York City. "We see how people look on social media and we think that they're perfect."

But it's important to remember that there are many different types of bodies out there. The key is finding what works for you and accepting your body shape with love and kindness.

Next time you start comparing yourself to other women online or elsewhere, take a moment for self-reflection instead: ask yourself what makes them happy and fulfilled in life? How does their life compare to yours? What would make them feel better about themselves? What steps can you take right now toward making those changes in your own life?

5. Celebrate all your accomplishments, even if they're not related to body image.

Whether it's a big accomplishment or a small one, celebrate all of them. No matter what you've achieved, there's no reason not to be proud and happy about it.

If you're feeling down because of your body image issues, try looking back at some of the things that have made you feel good about yourself in the past ‒ even if they're unrelated to your weight or appearance. Celebrating accomplishments can help build confidence and make people more comfortable with themselves as they are now rather than focusing on how much better they could be if only they were thinner/taller/more muscular.

Celebrate any achievement that makes sense for who you are right now: maybe someone gave you an award at work; maybe you finished that DIY project. maybe you finally got enough courage to go on that date with someone.

It can be difficult to find joy in your body, especially when you're comparing yourself to other people or feeling dissatisfied with how you look. But it's possible! You can learn to love your body and be happy with yourself.

You may not know this yet, but there are many ways of loving yourself that don't involve changing what you look like at all. You might think that having a pretty face or fitting into size 8 jeans is what makes someone lovable ‒ but that's not true! Love comes from within: it comes from knowing who you are, being comfortable with who you are right now, and recognising the good qualities about yourself (even if they aren't visible). When we feel loved by ourselves and others around us, life becomes easier because we feel secure enough in ourselves not only physically but emotionally as well; this gives us confidence when meeting new people or trying new experiences which allows us freedom when making decisions about our lives rather than worrying too much about what other people think about them.

So, if you're struggling with body image, remember that it's not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you. You can love your body no matter what it looks like, and the first step towards doing so is by focusing on the things other than appearance that make you worthy of love. If you need help in embracing self-love, don’t hesitate to book a call with me today. Again, remembering all the above-mentioned points will help you feel better about yourself and keep going when things get tough.

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info!


Rita Trotter, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

My passion, work, and philosophies focus on the joy factor, self-acceptance, physical and emotional cohesion, and authentic wellness and I enjoy sharing my wisdom for all that is connected to a successful and healthy life. My foundation in women’s health comes from my own struggles with weight, sleep, energy, productivity, and health and my passion to share this with the whole female collective. I am a Personal Trainer, Nutrition Coach, Behaviour Change Specialist, Long Covid Rehabilitator, Women’s Hormone, and Pre and Post Natal Specialist, Health for Business Coach, published author of three globally selling books, and the creator and facilitator of The Self-Health System Programmes.



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