Written by: Sarah Dyer, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
You cannot force a Rose to bloom. She will do it in her own time. Nurtured In the right environment with the right people. She knows who she is. And she knows she cannot be contained. Cross her, lie to her, manipulate, or betray her. She is not just the Rose. She is also the thorns.
Even a narcissist’s ego can be crushed by her, one who has done the inner work. I think of her as the awakened empath. She is a Spiritual Warrior. Strong from having healed her inner child and dove into the shadow work, healing her generational trauma, limiting beliefs and abandonment wound.
She has evolved from being co-dependent, wanting to please everyone, be liked by everyone, good girl phase. Yes, she is a loving, compassionate, kind, sensitive soul, but she has elevated.
She is moved by her soul and connected to her higher self. She listens to the voice of her intuition, always guiding her. She understands the world of metaphysics and is very spiritual. She is in love with her connection to God/Goddess, the Universe, and Guides, (use your own language here).
Her BS Detector
She sees right through the manipulation tactics and the strategies used by toxic, narcissistic people, to win at every cost. A cost to her well-being. She is a walking BS and lies detector. A narcissist will treat life and their relationships like a game of chess or poker, always strategising their next move to win at any cost. Jealous of their components. Completely unconscious. Unawakened, with no empathy.
Gaslighting her memories, he say’s, ’No, I never said that!’ All in an attempt to confuse her, so, eventually, she starts doubting her own reality. Leaving her thinking, she imagined it all. Then comes the cold, dismissive behaviour, the silent treatment, discarding and devaluing her like a bag of chips.
The emotional and mental abuse finally traumatises her. The one who is so willing to give her time, energy, money, and second and third chances to make things work. As she doesn’t give up on the people she loves, she is loyal to her core. And to her detriment.
Eventually, one day, she has no more to give. She finds herself cracked wide open, brought to her knees, and she knows it’s her or him. She breaks the toxic karmic cycle and the game of cat and mouse. Until finally listens to her Intuition and leaves.
He might attempt to make her jealous of another woman, pretend to be madly in love. Or he returns once again to hoover; this can also look like, a future faking with broken promises. He will love bomb, show his affection, say all the right things, and tell her he has changed, only for the cycle to repeat.
The Universe isn’t testing her. It’s responding to her.
What she is attracting is a mirror of what she has going on internally. She’s attracting from her wound and not her worth. Attracting from a place inside her that feels unloved, insignificant and not valued. In turn, she has continuously self-abandoned, not nurtured herself, and invested her time and energy, in the wrong people.
Now she has to turn inwards. It’s about radical self-love, filling her own cup up, and giving herself what she has been searching for. But looking externally in all the wrong places. It’s about re-parenting herself. Nurturing her inner child. Raising her standards, no longer self-abandoning. Instead, having kindness and compassion for herself.
Exploring her own Dharma; purpose, and passions, must become her new love affair as she creates a life for herself independent of anyone. Free from any co-dependency. Becoming the one in her own life leads to a meeting of mind, body and soul with her King and not another Prince charming.
Walking away is never easy from someone you love. And for some, it’s extremely difficult. Especially when there are children involved or if there is co-dependency for financial reasons, but walking away is necessary. For the health and well-being of the Empath. Not to mention the children. Happy parents create happy children. Two miserable people staying together for children creates an unhealthy and dysfunctional environment for children to grow up in.
Walking away allows her to turn her lessons into Gold. As she dives deep, into the family, and generational trauma, she awakens to where this all started. She takes off on into the dark nights of the soul. Looking at where her needs may not have been met growing up. What was she lacking? Was she emotionally neglected, or abandoned? Did a parent leave? Was she treated as the family Scapegoat, for her caretakers to project their own insecurities on? Blaming, and shaming her for things that were not really her fault. In an effort to look away from their own insecurities and unhealed wounds?
Did she watch the other siblings be favoured while she was cast aside, often given the silent treatment and yet she couldn’t understand what she had done? Perhaps her caretakers were busy juggling the many responsibilities of work and life, so she lacked the validation, care and attention walking through her childhood with her needs unmet.
For every time she got upset and tried to explain how she felt, her parents or caretakers were not interested in validating her feelings. Instead, she was cast aside. Leading her to believe she is not worthy, not lovable. And here it all starts. These stories she takes with her through life until she wakes up. And chooses a path of radical self-love.
She was and still is of a high vibration; empaths are, they are sensitive souls and often born into a family with dysfunctional patterns or toxic ways, to help them heal. By shining a light on the darkness.
But she doesn’t understand this growing up. And she doesn’t understand that none of this is her fault. So any sign of love put in her direction she latches onto. As she grows up, she often finds herself in unhealthy relationships, often with partners with an avoidant style. Those that cannot give her what she needs. Those that are emotionally unavailable. She is s a target of the narcissist. She has a weakness for any affection thrown in her direction. He sees her coming. And so the cycle repeats.
But don’t be fooled when she does the inner work; when she awakens, she will see through any BS. She will no longer be giving away her power, her time and her energy to people that hurt her.
This is when he will discard her when she raises her standards. She has now become a threat to those who want to control and keep her small.
When a woman knows her worth and no longer looks for validation outside herself, this makes a narcissist very nervous; they cannot handle her. With all her senses on fire, she will see, feel, and know when they are lying or trying to manipulate, as her intuition is heightened; this time, she will hold the winning hand with her poker face on.
Becoming a Boundary Queen
She will no longer be willing to compromise her standards with anyone. We all know how kind an empath can be, how loving, sensitive, and compassionate, but cross one that has done the inner work, become sovereign in her own power, in her sense of self and created strong boundaries for herself, she will use those thorns. They will feel shame, guilt for their past actions, and embarrassment for their ways. And the fear of their mask dropping. Even though her demeanour is graceful, elegant, and polite, they can feel she has changed.
She is powerful enough now to fire you down. Why? Sensitive souls are stronger than anyone; they’ve got the battle scars they have been through the fire and come out stronger for it. A manipulator will no longer faze her, a drama queen she finds comical. She knows who she is, she knows her high value, and she knows exactly how to spot the red flags.
So if this is you, understand she will not tolerate lies, cheating, betrayal, backstabbing, crazy-making, or gossip. Smear campaigns to try to make her look bad while you sabotage the connection by your own doing, creating drama and blowing everything up in your path, to then turn yourself into the victim in front of everyone you know to validate yourself. And make yourself feel better.
Bring any of this to her now she has elevated; you will lose. Every time. She knows more than you realise; she has you totally worked out and know that when you do turn everything around to be her fault, playing the victim card, she knows that too. She is just not going to tell you she has you worked out.
Listening to her inner GPS, her Intuition
So many women and men suffer from this kind of emotional abuse. Narcissistic people are brilliant charmers. So trust your gut; your intuition never lies; listen to that inner voice, and speak to it often. Listen to what your body is trying to tell you. If you feel an uncomfortable shiver down your spine, your body constricts, you tense up, you are nauseous in your belly or anxious with a tightening in your chest, trust it. Why? It means to run. And fast.
You can have the kind of relationships you desire, people who really connect with you, and respect and value you for who you are. People that understand relationships are a two-way investment of time and energy, with both people putting in equal effort. Not you accepting breadcrumbs. Emotionally, or in any other way.
So, if this is happening to you, love yourself enough to break free. Leave them behind. In time you will heal and find newfound freedom and inner peace. Don’t look for revenge, do the inner work, feel it to heal it. Don’t give them your power anymore. Karma is Queen, and she never loses an address.
This has been so many women’s stories. The good thing is that you can heal.
If you would like to heal yourself from toxic relationships and start trusting your intuition so you can attract healthier relationships, join my 6-module online course. A deep dive into healing, transforming and creating a new life for yourself. Bulletproof to this kind of BS, which includes workshops, meditations, soul journeys, and journals, to support you on your healing journey, all in my Coming Home ‒ From Wounds to Wisdom Online Course. The link for this is here.
Sarah Dyer, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sarah is a Spiritual Mentor, Women’s Empowerment Coach, Intuitive, Kundalini Yoga & Meditation Teacher & Energy Medicine Practitioner. A childhood accident leaving her with the effects of a stroke, changed her life. Experiencing an awakening at 17 she dove into all things healing. As a child very connected to Spirit, alongside her more formal education a BA (Hons) in Communications and then Journalism, she dove into Energy Medicine, Tantra, Spiritual Psychology and trained in Holistic Therapy, various healing modalities, Coaching, Kundalini Yoga & Meditation. Alongside some of the best teachers in the world. Today she’s helping women all over the world go through deep transformation, to heal from trauma, connect with a strong sense of self, their sacred feminine energy & intuition.
