Written by: Stacy Kehren Idema, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Ordinary thought is that you communicate well by speaking what's on your mind.
If you spoke what was on your mind and you are communicating well, why is the divorce rate more roughly 40%? And why are 70% of failed business projects fail due to miscommunication?
That’s a big disconnect between perception and reality. Yet, you can’t deny the statistics. They represent the high-level facts that how you communicate follows you from the boardroom to the bedroom.
Don't think so?
Let’s play this out. Your communication (and leadership) style is like a bull in a china shop. The good news. You get stuff done and the results are noticed. Feels like a win/win. Truth is: you are a bully. You were likely bullied or you were bullied or pushed around. Your communication and leadership style is fear based. Just because you get results doesn’t mean you’re a good communicator. At home, your approach is similar, or you are bullied and so you avoid conflict or confrontation yet only to take it out elsewhere.
In business most often the outcome of this communication and leadership style are disgruntled employees or high turnover, chaotic work environment, lack of trust in teams and failed projects, etc. Even if your style gets the (perceived positive) desired sales and number results, other areas of business see negative side effects or numbers.
Similar applies to home. Avoiding conflict or lack of communication doesn’t get you want either. Resentment and frustration are common feelings when you don’t feel heard or get what you want or need.
As a former corporate leader of 26 years, the daughter of two small business owners, the former wife of a small business owner, and now an international business owner and coach, my entire life has been about business. I understand the business terrain inside and out.
I watched the above story play out on repeat for years. Fear based tactics and a pat on the back about getting the job done.
Conversely, the same plays out with the introvert or insecure intellect who self-sabotages. No one benefits when they aren’t in a safe place to communicate what might be detrimental to the business or add significant value.
Your passion, emotions, stress and risk tolerance, time perspective, and decision-making process, impact how you communicate with your business partners, clients, employees, loved ones and the world for which you have influence.
There is also of speculation and some early stats that entrepreneurs, business owners and founders are more likely to divorce (40-50%) than non-entrepreneurs due to family neglect, financial strain of business and impact to personal finances, lack of communication and divergent personal goals.
Most of my corporate career was leading 8 figure programs. Constant chaos, poor assumptions, missing information, lack of clarity, fear-based decisions, or known repercussions for speaking the truth and in integrity were the most common themes of a program demise.
I used to believe I communicated well by speaking what had to be said or because it was the right thing to do, in business and at home. I’m (now) humbled to say I was wrong. Reflecting on who, what and how I communicated what I wanted, needed and desired is more than just speaking what’s on your mind.
Communication isn’t about perfection and is much more than words. Communication themes include: tone, body language, context, perception, Intent, the message, and culture.
Communication is how you communicate with others and yourself. Communication impacts your confidence, competence and capability.
It is a part of everything you do. It is a process. It matures, evolves and is never as simple as it would seem, feel or look like.
The good news is that you can reframe ordinary thought to extraordinary action by communicating in your strengths and your own brilliance. I help my clients do this through SPEAK®.
SPEAK® helps you unlock the power of communication by focusing on the individual's strengths in character and values.
S is for Strengths in character and values – representing how you show up in the world and what makes you a whole human.
When you are in the power of your strengths, you are in flow and do what comes naturally.
P is for Purpose and intention. How would you like to be understood? How would you like to understand? What's the outcome you’d like to achieve in your conversations and interactions?
E is for Empathy. Empathy inspires self-awareness. When you are more self-aware, your mindset naturally leads to greater empathy in self and with others. When you are more empathetic, you naturally are in a place of curiosity.
A is for Action. When you act, you are practicing. Practice makes you better in practice, you learn ways that work best for you and build your confidence in communicating what you want, need or desire
K is for Knowledge is power. Knowledge helps you understand what works best for you because there is not one way to communicate just your way.
This process is intentionally iterative, allowing you to adjust and shift as needed.
Remember, when I said I believed I communicated really well – well, I know after being married and divorced twice (for all the reasons noted above by entrepreneurs...) the process of speaking will be a lifelong journey.
But I am human and so are you!
You are human in business.
You are human at home.
Just because you lead multi-million- or billion-dollar companies doesn’t mean you’re impervious to humanism, but your humanism follows you wherever you go.
You can only control yourself.
Which is why communication is not as simple as communicating what’s on your mind.
Communication takes practice, patience, and courage.
Don't let your perception of communication get in the way of your practice. And don't let your previous lack of communication get in the way of your courage to ask for what you really want, need and desire.
Make a conscious choice to speak what is on your mind, from the heart, in integrity and leveraging patience as your guide. Believe in your humanism.
Need to improve how well you communicate in your strengths and with more purpose, passion and empathy from the boardroom to the bedroom? I can help!
*More than 70% of failed projects are from miscommunication. According to SHRM.org the average loss per company with 100K employees is $62M+ (£47M+) annually. Companies with 100 employees see a loss on average of $420K/£318K annually – due to miscommunication, lack of communication or communication breakdown.
The average divorce rate is 40+% in the United States and the United Kingdom. The average divorce expense is $38K in the US and £17K in the UK and it doesn't include the other financial and emotional expenses associated with the divorce.
Stacy Kehren Idema, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Stacy Kehren Idema is a whole human business coach and mental wellness advocate. She has more than 40 years of business experience and has seen and experienced business from the inside out. As the daughter of two small business owners, the former spouse of a generational business owner, 26 years as a corporate leader, and 8 years of coaching – the most common themes and stressors she sees are: the fear of not being enough, doing enough, having enough time and/or money for business and family.
As the Founder and CEO of Stacy Idema Coaching, she uses a bespoke methodology called SPEAK®. Her coaching style is strengths and outcome-based with a whole human approach because she believes business is always personal.
Stacy works with women-owned, led, and co-founded businesses that are focused on business growth of $1M-$50M. She promotes and challenges women to self-empower and holds themselves to a higher standard of building their confidence and stepping into their power. She believes when women do better for themselves, they emulate how they want to be treated. Conversely, she challenges the male counterpart to be part of the solution by challenging outdated gender norms and business practices in support of better together.
In her spare time, Stacy enjoys travel, a good book, food, wine, pilates, sunsets, and water. She is a proud mom to two young adult men.
