How Can I Get Unstuck? Your Stuckness Is Fear In Disguise
- Mar 12, 2024
- 4 min read
Written by: Anna Kmetova, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
"I feel stuck, and I don't know what to do!" is usually the first sentence I hear from my coaching clients in our intake call. They find themselves in a frustrating situation of knowing that their current situation is unsustainable, but the way forward seems very blurry or non-existent.
Sometimes, they panic, and understandably so – the pressure is high: the clock seems to be ticking, but there is no escape exit.
Usually, the first "logical" solution that comes up in our anxious mind in such a situation is to do anything just to escape. Rage-quit our job, take that random job offer that sounds "okay," or move back to our parents' house to figure things out. The issue with these solutions is that they are often only temporary because they usually don't give us more clarity on what we truly need when we feel like there is no way out. And we may end up in a similar situation sooner than expected.
So, what will help us get unstuck before taking action? From my experience as a coach, a key first step involves confronting that paralyzing energy that doesn't allow us to see the wood for the trees: Our fears. Your reaction to hearing this might be: But I'm not afraid; I just simply don't know what I want! But hear me out: Your fears might not necessarily be something you are conscious of. Let me demonstrate that with an example:
Client Frankie: "I've been an accountant for all the 15 years of my career, and I hate doing it. I want to quit, but I have no idea what I want to do."
Coach Anna: "What would you do if anything was possible?"
Client Frankie: "Well, that's not the reality we live in, obviously. But okay, let's go with that question. If anything was possible, I would probably be an interior designer; I love decorating my house and making the most out of the tiny space, and I've helped several friends design the interior of their apartments, and I loved it. But that's not something I'd consider as a career because I don't have any formal education, I'm not entrepreneurial enough, I hate networking, I need a stable income to take care of my family, and I would most probably start hating interior design if I turn my hobby into a career."
In this example, it doesn't matter whether Frankie should become an interior designer or not. We don't know at this stage whether that's the right path for them. What we do know, though, is that they dismiss a career idea because the story they tell themselves is something along the lines of: "It is impossible for me to make such a radical transition because of how the world operates and because of my lack of skills and capabilities, it is unsafe, and even if I spent all that energy it would take the make the transition, I will most probably end up in the same situation as I am in right now."
At this stage, we still don't know what hard facts are and what are Frankie's fears (spoiler alert – most of the statements are based on fear or an old story they are telling themselves), but what we do know is that by saying, "I have no idea what I like to do!", they are making a disempowered decision of ignoring the fact that at least one idea is already there, and they, in fact, do have something they enjoy, and that gives them energy.
As a holistic coach, I'm all about helping my clients to start making empowered choices. Yes, you might decide to stay in accounting for the rest of your life, but as your coach, I want to see that you are actively choosing it, know why, and own it. And the first step towards that is to take a look at your fears and obstacles and decide what you want to do with them:
Is it really impossible to make a career transition? What would it take?
Is it really true that you don't have any business skills? And if yes, what would it take to develop them? Or what would be an alternative, non-entrepreneurial path that is still aligned with what's important for you?
What's your definition of financial security?
This process requires a lot of courage because it might be quite confronting – taking a peek out of the box of our comfort zone is always scary. But know that you are in charge, and only you can and will make your decisions when you are ready. It's a process made of many tiny steps, learnings, and observations, and ultimately, it is freeing because it enables you to step out of your "cage of one and only option" into a space full of possibilities.
And yes, we can't always become astronauts or brain surgeons at the age of 65, but trust me, there are many other, similarly (or for you, even more) exciting possibilities waiting to be acknowledged and explored.
Are you ready to take a look at what they are?
Anna Kmetova, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Anna Kmetova, a Co-Active coach, transitioned from corporate life to entrepreneurship to guide individuals toward a more fulfilling career and overall existence. Faced with a crossroads at 30, despite a successful career in Amsterdam, she discovered her true passion lay in empowering others. Originating from Slovakia, she coaches clients online from all around the world in English, Slovak, and Czech. Beyond coaching, she immerses herself in life's vivid experiences, from exploring Thailand as a digital nomad to savoring Amsterdam's city life. Anna is devoted to helping clients discover their dream careers, inviting them to explore their full potential and realize their dreams.
