Written by: Sharleen Beaumont, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If we fight for our limitations, we get to keep them. ‒ Jim Kwik
A few years ago, I had the fortune to see Jim Kwik speak at an intimate event. It was an impressive three-hour conversation, and since then, the above quote has stuck with me.
Have you ever wanted to change something in your life? Or maybe you tried to change someone else? What are the tactics you learned growing up to do so?
A large majority of us wake up and feel behind before we start. We instantly think about everything we didn't complete the day before and needed to do? The questioning gains momentum, we ask ourselves: Why did I eat that last night? Why did I drink that? Then there is the dreaded, why did I say that? The self-lashing continues; we realize we are running late for a meeting. "I should have left earlier. I am so _________." (fill in the blank)
This self-talk is ineffective and outdated. The emotion utilized is called shame. Shame is a social emotion, meaning humans develop shame to live in larger communities and encourage cooperation. Brene Brown describes shame as being rejected, not belonging, or a feeling in the pit of your stomach that is dark and hurts like hell. You can't talk about it and articulate how bad it feels because everyone would know your dirty little secret.
We have all played the shame record in an attempt to create change. Physiologically shame doesn't work. Putting yourself or others down doesn't produce change.
When we shame, we rob the brain of energy to do the actual work required to learn and change. During this time, it's essential to be aware of our narrative or inner voice.
Example: Instead of saying, "I'm stupid, I should have got up earlier to make this meeting." Try, "I will be a productive and valued participant upon my arrival." Self-love and kindness bask us in dopamine, which is required for a change to happen!
We seek a future vision when we are no longer willing to beat ourselves up from past pain. We can then start to create better habits. We also need to look at what else holds us captive: our beliefs, behaviours, and emotions.
Beliefs get in our way when we want to achieve a goal or create a new habit. We may learn the knowledge and understand consciously; however, if we have a hidden belief that we are not confident, skilled or good enough, our hidden belief will win 99% of the time, and nothing changes. Without the right conscious or unconscious thought, we won't create change.
Now let's add on emotions that we associate with behaviours. An example would be fear of not being intelligent enough, fear of failure, fear of success.
We can set goals and create new visions; if you have unconscious beliefs or disempowered emotions contradicting your beliefs, it won't matter how much knowledge you gain. Thus, self-development programs aren't helpful if they don't look at these core drivers.
What else is holding us back? Our minds are wired to keep us safe and use the least amount of energy. Therefore we tend to resort to what we know and feel comfortable with.
We practice our self-imposed limitations. They are self-imposed because we don't go beyond the limits we set for ourselves. We believe it may hurt even though the hurt will be temporary. We hold ourselves captive in the cage we create to feel comfortable.
What would happen if we went beyond our cage? We start to second-guess our decision. We wonder if the pain is worth it. After all, we are going into uncomfortable new territory. Our minds challenge us; how dare you go beyond familiar? Who do you think you are? Our old beliefs creep in and tell us we are not good enough to keep going. "Keep us safe," it repeats. Others may be caged in with you, and then their voices creep in, "You can't leave; we are all safe here, don't change."
Alternately we can seek out those also looking to create change. Community brings immunity. Once free, we feel more courageous, recognize we can get beyond these limits, have confidence, look around and have a fresh new perspective of possibilities.
Beware: We are human and fallible, and we will fail.
We tend to focus on the failure and then go back to our old habits. Instead, what we need to do is to pick back up and continue.
With our new lens of possibility, our emotion raised to courage, our supporting beliefs and our habit of taking action, we are on our way to reaching our vision. We seek out others who are doing the same; the journey will require accountability. When faced with resistance, we continue to question it and move beyond our comfort.
Going back to the eve with Jim Kwik, he shared another thought. Although not verbatim and shortened. When it comes to your last days on earth and your lying in your box, make sure you have no room for regrets.
Sharleen Beaumont, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sharleen Beaumont is an EQ Master Empowerment Coach and Founder of Brave New Ending.
She helps clients get unstuck from their stories and manage their emotions. Her clients re-imagine their life, connect with their highest self utilizing the foundation of all change; emotions!
After graduating from University, Sharleen's career began in Victim Services. She then became a Certified Mediator, and Mediated for her Community and Courts. Her career moved to Corporate Communications and Consulting, working globally. Next, she stepped into an Entrepreneurial life, helping take a new company to the multi-million dollar level. Deciding to live life on purpose, she received her Master Empowerment Coach certification and started Brave New Ending.
Brave- a strength of character, courageous, faces fear, determined, passionate, on purpose.
New Ending-keeps the end goal in mind to write their next chapter and life story.
