Written by: Marc Singer, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
No one is born with confidence. It is an emotion that we learn to create. Likewise, when we lack confidence and self-belief, we create that too. Common sense, right? Well, if it was, then why do so many of us struggle with it? Why do so many of us not believe in ourselves or feel able to summon up feelings of confidence?
We have all been there, when we wake up feeling great, and everything seems to just fall into place. Life flows along as if nothing could go wrong. Alternatively, we have all experienced times when we wake up, are stressed out, fed up, and literally, everything seems to drain us and go wrong.
Humans all have the unique and incredible capacity to experience a wide range of emotions. However, if you allow your emotions to control and dictate how you experience life, without consciously understanding what it is that is making you feel a certain way, then you allow your emotions to control you!
Left unchecked over time and you will always be fuelled by thoughts and emotions which don’t work for you. The consequence of that is that our belief in ourselves suffers, we feel less confident, and never truly perform to a level of performance and productivity which reflects our true abilities.
If you are constantly thinking and feeling negative, then that will show to everyone around you. People will sense your unhappiness and fear. You will inadvertently invite more of the things you don’t want, into your life, than the things you do. And that then will go on to further fuel any perspectives which drain you. It becomes a vicious circle.
Alternatively however, we can create the opposite too. Instead of subconsciously allowing thoughts which are full of fears, assumptions, limiting beliefs and judgements to create emotions which hold you back from feeling good about yourself and performing at your best, we can choose to create confidence instead… Consciously!
Once you understand that your feelings are always within your control, you are well on the way to understanding how to be confident. Naturally, if you are fuelled by a sense of wellbeing and peace, then you’ll exude feelings of happiness and calm.
Our self-belief suffers when we feel low about ourselves. And when we feel low, we operate from a low level of energy. Everything we think, feel, and experience will be seen through a prism of doubts, frustration, worry, self-pity, blame, injustice etc. That means the likelihood of you feeling confident will also be low.
Breaking free of these draining thoughts and emotions can be difficult. Especially once we are stuck in that vicious circle. And that’s where self-awareness comes in. In order to take back control of how you really want to be feeling and acting, you will have to firstly become fully aware of the thoughts behind your emotions. And that is the hard part for many, as they will still be looking at things from a low level of energy.
Often it's literally impossible for someone to see anything good when stuck in a mindset which only sees problems and difficulties. The likelihood of them seeing opportunities and possibilities attached to their situation is reduced as a result. That is why it is so important to be able to firstly become fully grounded in the here and now and recognise that any negative emotions you may be experiencing are simply a result of your unconscious thinking behind them.
For instance, we only have fears and limiting beliefs when we are not in the moment. We only experience worry when we overthink situations. Never do we experience these when we are fully focused on the current moment, free of any thoughts about both the past or the future. And it is only ever in the current moment that you are in control of the thoughts you think.
Your moods are essentially an alarm clock. They bring you to awareness about what you are thinking, subconsciously. And if you experience a drop in mood, that is your opportunity to stop, and refocus. It is then your chance to consciously focus on what you are telling yourself about something, which is resulting in your mood dropping. By doing so you bring the mind back into the realm of consciousness, and out of the subconscious. Then note how you are feeling and ask yourself why am I feeling this way?
At that point, you can question any fears, judgments, interpretations, and assumptions you may be making. And then decide to choose a perspective which fuels you with feelings of calm, peace, power, success, and confidence instead. Instantly you will feel your mood lift, and your ability to start seeing opportunities instead of problems increases. This then leads to further feelings of confidence, as you start to bring to life feelings of inner strength, wisdom, and resilience.
The more you stay in control of your thoughts, the higher your energy will be. And the higher your core energy is at any given moment, the more productive you will be in everything you do. As soon as we slip back into the subconscious realm, our energy drops again. But as long as you have a high level of conscious awareness, you can always remember to take notice of that alarm clock going off in the pit of your stomach.
The more you practice this, the higher your confidence will be, and the more self-belief you will have in any circumstance you encounter. You will create a ‘victory’ circle instead of a ‘vicious’ circle. Each moment describes who you are and gives you the opportunity to decide if that’s who you really want to be. And if you don’t want to be feeling low and drained, most of the time, then start listening to your alarm clock and taking control of what you are telling yourself.
Building confidence creates the feeling of certainty that you can accomplish whatever you set out to do. Confidence is like any other emotion. It is something you feel, and you can train yourself to access it in an instant. And the more you choose to access thoughts and feelings of joy, happiness, acceptance, understanding, freedom, and contentment, the more you’ll start truly enjoying life and creating one that you really want to be experiencing.
We are always at choice when it comes to what we think, feel, and create in life. Choose consciously and productively and believe in yourself.
Marc Singer, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Marc is a highly trained professional coach, a graduate of (IPEC) the institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching. After being badly bullied at school, Marc became involved in a gang full of violence and drugs. Although having enjoyed a great upbringing and from a loving family, he went off the rails. Having moved on from that life, he found himself in a situation one night that would change his life forever. Imprisoned for life for a crime he didn’t commit, he embarked upon an incredible journey of change. Tragically having lost all of his family whilst in prison, Marc found the strength to rebuild his life, secure his freedom, and build an amazing career. He now helps others create the life they desire and become the very best versions of themselves. Currently authoring his first book, his life story, he also coaches one-to-one in groups and does inspiring speaking arrangements motivating others to overcome their own barriers to success. In fact, he was recently invited back to the prison he was in, but this time not as an inmate but as a speaker. His story is unique, tragic, and shocking, but ultimately evidence that with the right mindset and approach to life, you really can achieve absolutely anything!
