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Be Your Own Valentine – Why Love Starts Within

Written by: Victoria Norton, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

Executive Contributor Victoria Norton

As Valentine's Day approaches, the air becomes thick with romance, filled with hearts, roses, and sweet sentiments. It's a time when we express our love and affection to those who hold a special place in our hearts, driven by a desire to celebrate those we hold dear and a longing to feel wanted, loved, and needed by someone. However, amidst this flurry, there's a truth often overlooked: the most vital relationship we possess is the one with ourselves.

Beautiful woman drawing red heart on a mirror.

Self-awareness and acceptance is the foundation for love and connection with others; however, this can be the hardest, most diminishing relationship of all. This time of year can remind us of our loneliness and past pain, we often find ourselves seeking external validation that we are enough, lovable and wanted, yet true love begins with embracing and nurturing ourselves.

Self-love isn't about vanity or selfishness; it's not about saying we are perfect and without flaws. It's about recognizing our inherent worth and treating ourselves with kindness, compassion, and respect. However, we often reject those parts of ourselves we don't like and don't accept ourselves just as we are. When we do this, it can make it harder to accept the very love we crave. Instead, we find ourselves pushing it away as we feel undeserving.

We are multifaceted beings, comprised of many parts that contribute to the whole of who we are. To deny or suppress any aspect of ourselves, whether perceived as negative or flawed, is to deny the whole and diminish our capacity for self-acceptance, love, and growth. When we block out or wish away certain parts of ourselves, we exist as fragments rather than embracing our entirety. In doing so, we hinder our ability to authentically love and accept ourselves, preventing the establishment of a solid foundation from which to grow and develop.

To reverse this, we must first relinquish the habit of self-berating and recognize the way we talk to ourselves and about ourselves can be incredibly diminishing and harmful. Adopting a compassionate mindset and talking to ourselves as we do others involves acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses, embracing our flaws, and celebrating our uniqueness. By accepting ourselves unconditionally, we pave the way for inner peace and fulfillment to flourish within us.

Cultivating a deep sense of inner peace and fulfillment radiates outward, enriching every aspect of our lives. By nurturing a positive relationship with ourselves, we become better equipped to navigate life's challenges with resilience and grace. We no longer seek validation or approval from external sources, as our sense of worth is derived from within. Additionally, we are less likely to attract toxic people and accept being treated with less love, respect, and compassion than we should, as we send a clear message of how we expect to be treated.

The greatest gift we give those we love is to celebrate them, give them the space and support to be their true selves and love them as they are, yet we rarely give this gift to ourselves. In romantic relationships, self-love is pivotal for attracting and sustaining healthy partnerships and fosters authenticity and genuine connections with others, as we can show up as our true selves in relationships, which allows others to do the same.


This Valentine's Day, we can be our greatest love, replenish our energy and nourish our souls. Here are three ways to reconnect with yourself:

Solo retreat: Take some time for a solo retreat or mini-getaway to reconnect with yourself, away from the hustle and bustle of daily life. Simply taking a few hours in a scenic natural spot or park or carving out uninterrupted time at home as an opportunity to slow down, reflect, and recharge. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, allow yourself to fully immerse in the present moment and tune into your inner thoughts and feelings.

Self-reflection ritual: Create a quiet and comfortable space where you can be alone with your thoughts. Use prompts or questions to guide your reflection, such as "What are my values and priorities in life?" or "What brings me a sense of fulfillment and purpose?" Allow yourself to delve deep into your innermost thoughts and emotions without judgment. Journaling can be a helpful tool for capturing your insights and reflections.

Self-care spa day: Treat yourself to a luxurious self-care spa day at home to pamper both your body and mind. Set the mood with soft lighting, soothing music, and aromatic candles or essential oils. Indulge in a series of self-care rituals, such as a warm bubble bath with Epsom salts, a DIY facial mask using natural ingredients, or a gentle yoga or stretching session to release tension and promote relaxation. Practice mindfulness as you engage in each self-care activity, savouring the sensations and nurturing your inner well-being. Being as kind, compassionate, and patient with ourselves as we are with others, treating ourselves as we wish we had been treated in the past and how we hope others would treat us now.

Slowly move away from the need for external validation with self-trust and courage, listen to your intuition, and passionately pursue your dreams. Remember, you are worthy of love and deserving of joy and happiness. The greatest love story of all begins with wholehearted self-love. From this place, we can authentically give and receive love in its purest form, heal from past pain, and stop pushing away the love and acceptance we crave.

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Victoria Norton Brainz Magazine

Victoria Norton, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Victoria is a respected psychologist dedicated to helping individuals overcome limiting beliefs personally and professionally. Her unique coaching system blends psychology, hypnotherapy, and coaching, fostering holistic growth. She excels at rewriting core beliefs, building self-confidence, and enhancing mental resilience. Victoria empowers clients to achieve their goals by transforming self-perception for success and happiness. Her mission is to enable self-compassion, boost self-belief, and foster accountability for transformative personal growth.



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