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An Expedition Of Seeking – Finding And Serendipity

Written by: Britta Lübbing, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


I started this year by certifying as a Life Coach and launching my own business. For most parts of this year, my goal every day was to peak-perform beyond my own limitations and to outperform time. That’s why I meditated, that’s why I got up early, that’s why I went for brain-reset walks after work. My mindset at that time was all about doing, pushing, achieving

– frankly, heavily influenced by hustle culture and the self-development space on social media which supposedly knows all about "success“.

Photo credit: Javan Hoen

The Business Coach I worked with at that time taught me many valuable lessons about business strategy, leadership, selling & marketing. The first program I ever launched aimed at helping young professionals start their own businesses. When I created the program and picked my niche, I wanted to do something "proper“, something that people would see and take me seriously with. While I am not saying that any of the above is necessarily wrong, and as I said, I learned a lot too, it wasn’t the right approach for me to build my newly born business and to grow (myself) in a sustainable manner. Why? At that time, I chose a reality in which everything I wanted, hence executed, came from a place of lack. I tried to work something into my life that I didn’t feel like I had and I did so by leaning heavily into my masculine energy. Masculine energy means having a goal, taking action, and choosing to act from a place of logic & mind. Those are all great qualities to have and if you pretend it is all that counts, you could easily be replaced by a robot… Congratulations! Female energy on the other hand pays attention to our emotions & feelings, chooses the present moment over the future, and focuses on nurturing, surrendering, love. Feminine & masculine energy are equally important – let’s imagine a scale with both energies on either side – then we want to have them in balance. Well, my scale showed a completely different picture and so the decisions I made at that time were far from being empowered, resulting in self-sabotage and exhaustion. It came to the point where I felt so tired that I had to force myself to rest but even then I was convinced that only pushing would bring me any further. The feeling can be compared to when you drink too much coffee meaning you cannot possibly sit still anymore but at the same time, you can sense how your body actually wants to shut down. I was unable to let go of my patterns because it seemed impossible to live with what would have been left. I mean… who was I without my achievements, my work, my business? Empty? Worthless? No no no no, we cannot handle feeling that can we? I was obsessed with trying to figure out my future. I was attached to outcomes that I unconsciously believed would save me. Until realizing that nothing and nobody would or could ever save me. Not my business. Not money. Also not men (but that’s a different story). Until realizing that I was starving myself in the present moment trying to create a future (which while typing it down seems so absurd because how are you even supposed to exist in the future when you starve yourself to death in the NOW, metaphorically speaking). Until realizing that one of our most distorted beliefs is that life cannot be joyful if you want to be successful. "You need to work hard." "It’s all about sacrifice." "What does not kill you makes you stronger?" Sounds familiar? I’ve come to the conclusion that those belief systems have been created to make you & me feel small and incomplete. I mean, how would one be able to sell anything to us if we would understand that we deserve absolutely everything, that we are the most complete, worthy, and freaking amazing versions of ourselves already and that we don’t need our external world to validate us. That our birthright is to have fun, to experience pleasure, and to live our biggest desires without strings attached. Just saying… Going from one side of the scale to where I am right now meant some pretty confusing & overwhelming weeks. Dead serious here. I cried my eyes out until I had finally given enough space to all the emotions I had ignored for such a long time. I felt like the biggest failure until I was able to let go of the attachment to my so carefully crafted goal(s). I hated the process until I realized I could either hate it or love it but it was all my choice. I relied on unhealthy coping mechanisms until I understood that being somebody means becoming first. You don’t wake up one day and suddenly everything has changed. I "punished“ myself by working hard, harder, the hardest until questioning why I was doing all this if not for the joy of it. Overall, it meant going through an honest evaluation of certain areas in my life and very carefully identifying what made me feel stuck or why. Was shit really happening to me? Or was I just simply refusing & resisting to learn a lesson that would enable me to move on? Had I chosen a toxic dependency disguised as comfort, maybe even laziness & ignorance over healing which was actually hurting me more than feeling my unresolved traumas/feelings ever would? What happened through that process in such a short amount of time is quite fascinating to me. I’ve connected to myself in a way I thought would never ever (ever) be possible. As I said it was anything but easy. I’ve discovered and learned to trust the power of my feminine energy, the chaotic, irrational, intuitive process of creation and manifestation. I was suddenly able to choose to surrender and to let go of trying to understand where to go or what to do next. Honestly, I still have little clue of how to achieve my dreams in concrete steps, and different incidents of the last weeks that are not necessarily streamlined but exciting do not make the path any clearer. But, I simply decided to let go of "making sense out of nonsense“ and to see what is going to happen because trying to control has made me so unhappy that I feel like trusting has lower risk and makes me feel more content. Now, my goal every day is to make sure that I take care of myself the best way I can so that ideally I thrive in the now and worst case I know I did my best to take care of myself. As part of that, I changed my outlook on various things but in particular on spending time alone and in silence - I am not meditating anymore to be more efficient or to have a clear head afterwards but simply for the joy of it… Frankly speaking, I love to be with myself and sit with myself and feel all that my body wants to share with me. Beyond all the time and attention from myself towards myself, I also chose to invest in a course that only enhanced the process I had already started. Receiving guidance from an inspiring teacher and opening up to & with other women towards a type of spirituality I was always very skeptical at, yet felt suddenly drawn to, feels surreal & magical. This might sound very whoo whoo and therefore before you become too skeptical, too (which I would get), give me at least a chance. During a variety of meditations, journaling sessions, and activations, I’ve remembered some type of power of all the gifts women naturally possess through their ability to create life (literally) – if only we hadn’t learned to ignore them our whole life to a point where we didn’t even know they were there anymore. The visual suggestions I had that have been accompanying me every day ever since seem crazy to me and so real at the same time. I know, sounds whoo whoo but if you knew… I’ve softened into my heart space, connected, accepted, listened, and simultaneously took responsibility for my actions 100%. Captivated by my experiences, I’ve started reading even more about feminine energy. I wanted to deep dive further into this part of me I had discovered that identified with Witch magic and felt so strongly connected to my female ancestors. Honestly, I am not sure if I would have dared to say that out loud before and I don’t judge you for judging me, "Now she’s totally crazy“. Maybe. But, and I say that with all honesty, it is not like I don’t care anymore what you think. If the world would stand around me and accuse me of having gone mad, of course, I would care. The difference however is that now I care even more about what I think about myself. Damn, there you have it. I learned that I have my own truth, story & voice which is my biggest gift to share with this world and that I rather love myself in all my facets than be loved by others as a half-hidden version. Not every day is perfect, and taking care of myself is easier one day, harder another… but I know that I love myself deeply every day which gives me a deep sense of security and an inner knowing that I can conquer all days to come. I want to add that all I’ve been saying about feminine & masculine energy is not only meant to be insightful for women but men equally. Feminine & masculine energy per se are carried by all human beings regardless of gender. The principle of nature is characterized by opposite energies or forces and has been evaluated by many spiritual or philosophical sources, hence not only applying to human beings but life in general. Looking back on my journey as a Life Coach and my progress over this year, it is fascinating that the Coaching certification I had chosen contained so many spiritual pearls of wisdom which eventually were the reason why I was so attracted to the program and signed up for it. Yet, I had been so scared to stand by my belief in the law of attraction or Chakras or any other spiritual practice – being conditioned to value mind & science as the highest truths – that after being certified, I only focused on what made rational sense. Learning to lean into my newly activated, wild, feminine side while also overcoming my shame about potentially being polarizing feels deliberating. It has also shown me that a business is only as successful as we are on our spiritual journey because rocks are easier to sit on than to carry. Going back to the new bliss I have found, I am beyond grateful for all I’ve learned and all I’ve been able to be a part of recently which has allowed me to experience life on a new level. I also always love to be coached myself because it proves to me, again and again, the power & potential of Coaching. However, this time I realized that even Coaching can sometimes seem like something that has to do with identifying problems, understanding how to overcome them, overcoming them, and so on, aka a very "masculine“ approach. What if Coaching could just be a space to be, connect & go within? What if that was all that was needed to soothe and to create such a strong sense of safety that suddenly parts of us would open up that had never felt safe enough to show (and then everything else would come a lot more naturally)?

I am inspired to create an environment where all that counts is being – not achieving, not changing, not hustling, or proving anything to this world. Imagine the joy of being able to show your most authentic & vulnerable Self to same-minded individuals in one (virtual) space connected through all that you are, all the potential out there, the past, present and the future.

Beyond all you’ve been reading so far (which I am so thankful for) that you might be able to connect to or not, there is one message I want to leave behind the most: The more time we give ourselves for almost anything and the more individuality we allow ourselves on our journey, the faster we will experience change for the better. Screw all those advertisements, newsletters, and gurus – society – that whisper sometimes, scream most of the time that you need to do, achieve, become everything today or it’s going to be too late. This is what I’ve tried at the beginning of the year, making me more unhappy each day. Honestly, you have a lifetime... time. You choose your pace to move forward, backward, up and down, or not at all. Your journey might not be as straightforward as you would assume, I mean look at mine and this might not be the usual success story but it has brought me further than I thought and closer to myself than I could have ever imagined. Going from seeking outer success to experiencing inner one makes me believe it is time to redefine the word success. I mean, what does it even mean?

For more info, follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and visit my website!


Britta Lübbing, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Britta is the founder of Bttrflywarrior, a platform and community dedicated to supporting and connecting people in their 20‘s who are looking for a way to unlock their potential fully. After studying Business and getting a taste of a 9-5 corporate career, she quickly realized that this lifestyle would never allow her to “swim in the ocean” but rather lead to jumping from one aquarium into the next bigger one.

Furthermore, she had friends and fellows around her with great ideas, ambition, and talent seemingly stuck, not knowing how to make their dreams come true. Britta’s passion for Self Development, true connection, and a fulfilled life eventually led to the vision of a safe space that would allow young people to transform from a caterpillar into a butterfly and also allow them to connect to like-minded people with shared expectations for life. Bttrflymovement was born.

Britta loves to write, share and inspire through her journey according to the motto: Be the change you want to see in this world!



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